Echo

If my karmic destiny in this lifetime was that I would break up a marriage, and that was a reality, whose would it be? It all sounds tragic.

Personal Quote: I saw the tiger in the man, and I carved to set him free.

I’m the kind of girl men write missed connections about.

I believe somewhere, there is someone who holds all my secrets because I will tell it to him.

From Eckhart Tolle:

If in your relationship you experience both love and the opposite of love—attack, emotional violence, and so on—then it is likely that you are confusing ego attachment and addictive clinging with love. You cannot love your partner one moment and attack him or her the next. True love has no opposite. If your love has an opposite, then it is not love but a strong ego-need for a more complete and deeper sense of your self, a need that the other person cannot meet for you. It is the ego’s substitute for salvation or God.

*****

Take a deep breath. You’re all riled up. You know it’s not right. Doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know or understand, that’s for him to deal with. You do. This is your lesson. Don’t argue. Just accept your knowledge; you are not responsible for his knowledge. You’re on tilt right now. Take a deep breath. Collect yourself. Stay on your path. You have been doing great. This is just a test. Don’t let this experience pull you into the negative, having you do things you don’t want to do because of the anxiety you feel, saying things that aren’t you. No, you don’t treat people you care about that way–you are just so desperately trying to push him away because he’s clinging to you and you are afraid you will drown. Remember, you can breath underwater. And he can’t cling to you if you provide him no tension, no interaction, just be neutral. Don’t get knocked off your path when you don’t have to, Julia. YOU GOT THIS.

My problem is I like to argue with fools. I really have to learn to walk away.

He’s not the first guy who’s not right for you but thinks he is. And he won’t be the last. Walk away.

Rather than wasting time trying to explain yourself to someone who doesn’t get you, find someone who does.

5 stages. Then you’re done. Do NOT talk to him for 5 stages.

One thing was weird though, with that SF guy. He kind of does his own thing and he walks far ahead wherever he goes. Maybe other guys sense that, he’s not really noticing or taking care of what he’s got because nearly every time I was with him, guys would swoop in and try to get with me when he wasn’t looking.

That last night, when I was leaving, I went to say goodbye to Matt’s coworker. He said, “When you’re done doing whatever it is you’re doing with this guy, call me.”

That was ballsy. But wtf. Nearly every time I was with him.

I think I’m over white guys. My parents lived to see the day.

Mercury retrograde banished my 29. Damn. I don’t know how to use WordPress. Need help.

Okay, so the last few weeks. Venus is making a move out of my 5th house. Supposedly means I’m about to meet my partner. Definitely feel my social life picking up. But the last few weeks, dreams send me warnings.

Dated this guy from SF. Seems nice. Seemed pretty promising. Sagittarius. My soul said tread carefully but I’m always so optimistic. But a couple of weeks in, we make arrangements to hang out at my place in San Jose, and something in me started feeling anxious. First I have this dream at the beginning of the week where I visit Aubrey in Amsterdam with this guy, and he looks at me with that knowing look of his. Then he pulls me aside and it’s hard for him to get it out but it’s like he has to tell me…he finally says, “Julia, I just don’t understand why you keep wasting your time with these guys who aren’t your guy.” It was shocking, the straightforward honesty, and even when I woke up, it affected me. I started to feel my feelings towards this guy changing, my mind scrutinizing because of the dream. Even after I told Aubrey and he said that you can’t really tell from a dream and to give the guy a chance, I still didn’t feel right. I changed the date plans to meeting with him and some coworkers at a bar instead of a night in. A night in means potentially stuff happening and I didn’t want that. Plus, it would have been our 4th date and before every date I would tell him not to try anything, including jokingly asking him not to date rape me, and every date he would try to push it.

So after that night when we hung out at the bar, I knew I was over it. Can’t change people, just decide what you’re comfortable with and if they fit or not. He wasn’t my guy. But he was pushing, and so I gave him what he wanted. Except as the song goes, “When I get…what I want…then I never want it again.” Don’t push me or I’ll give you enough rope to hang yourself. I hate guys who disrespect me.

I ended it the next day, told him that may be the last time he ever sees me. I was angry. Not again. Not again. Why do these guys push. Why can’t they show they give a shit about me and what I want?

The next day, I was feeling down so I came home at lunch and took a nap. I had a dream where I walked in on the SF guy having sex with this girl. But when he saw me he was really happy and wanted to have sex with me instead. When I woke up, I took the dream to mean that if I was available, he preferred to sleep with me, but if I wasn’t, he wasn’t sitting around twiddling his thumbs. For the next few days, every time I thought of him, I felt RAGE.

Me: I was an animal today. Scored most of my points on drives to the basket. At one point had 7 in a row.

Jerry: When are you not an animal on the court? Sometimes tame, most times beast.

:)

The most athletic guy in the gym has the same birthday as me. In JuliaVerse…this is huge. This week’s mood…see profile pic. The heavens are finally moving.

Me: He said once I get it I’m gonna want it day and night.

BW: Oh no. He said that? He does NOT know you at all.

My aloofness? Years of diligent practice.

2on2 is my best game. Who is the best partner to complement me…still open to debate…

Sometimes when I’m cocky, I’m protecting the other person.

“Sleeping with me isn’t hard. Keeping me is hard.”

He knows he’s fucked if I summons him.