I think I’m over white guys. My parents lived to see the day.

July 23rd, 2012 | Comments Off on

Mercury retrograde banished my 29. Damn. I don’t know how to use WordPress. Need help.

Okay, so the last few weeks. Venus is making a move out of my 5th house. Supposedly means I’m about to meet my partner. Definitely feel my social life picking up. But the last few weeks, dreams send me warnings.

Dated this guy from SF. Seems nice. Seemed pretty promising. Sagittarius. My soul said tread carefully but I’m always so optimistic. But a couple of weeks in, we make arrangements to hang out at my place in San Jose, and something in me started feeling anxious. First I have this dream at the beginning of the week where I visit Aubrey in Amsterdam with this guy, and he looks at me with that knowing look of his. Then he pulls me aside and it’s hard for him to get it out but it’s like he has to tell me…he finally says, “Julia, I just don’t understand why you keep wasting your time with these guys who aren’t your guy.” It was shocking, the straightforward honesty, and even when I woke up, it affected me. I started to feel my feelings towards this guy changing, my mind scrutinizing because of the dream. Even after I told Aubrey and he said that you can’t really tell from a dream and to give the guy a chance, I still didn’t feel right. I changed the date plans to meeting with him and some coworkers at a bar instead of a night in. A night in means potentially stuff happening and I didn’t want that. Plus, it would have been our 4th date and before every date I would tell him not to try anything, including jokingly asking him not to date rape me, and every date he would try to push it.

So after that night when we hung out at the bar, I knew I was over it. Can’t change people, just decide what you’re comfortable with and if they fit or not. He wasn’t my guy. But he was pushing, and so I gave him what he wanted. Except as the song goes, “When I get…what I want…then I never want it again.” Don’t push me or I’ll give you enough rope to hang yourself. I hate guys who disrespect me.

I ended it the next day, told him that may be the last time he ever sees me. I was angry. Not again. Not again. Why do these guys push. Why can’t they show they give a shit about me and what I want?

The next day, I was feeling down so I came home at lunch and took a nap. I had a dream where I walked in on the SF guy having sex with this girl. But when he saw me he was really happy and wanted to have sex with me instead. When I woke up, I took the dream to mean that if I was available, he preferred to sleep with me, but if I wasn’t, he wasn’t sitting around twiddling his thumbs. For the next few days, every time I thought of him, I felt RAGE.

 

July 23rd, 2012 | Comments Off on