Echo

9/20/19

happy birthday adrian. thank you for finding me. i always believed you were coming.

9/20-21/19

played in our showcase. this was an important one. jason told me. so i’ve been training hard but it’s been a struggle to know if i’m overtraining or if i can maintain this. just scared for my body. day 1 we had two games. i came off the bench. my goal was to play hard defense and work my ass off. i don’t want coach to see me tired or lagging. ready or not here we go.

i didn’t take any shots the first game. but i hustled on defense, set screens made good passes, got an assist on a sick cut by aj. i want to run a pick and roll with tashia, maryam and aj. i feel if we catch the slip, it’s like surfing. they will ride that wave and dunk that bitch.

(oh today i got a warning. apparently in college you under no circumstances can cuss. i made a risky pass but luckily my teammate dug it out. the ref came up to me shortly after and said, be careful of profanity. you get a 1 game suspension for that. i asked him what i said, but he just repeated the thing about the suspension and i had no idea. after the game i asked him and he said i said shit. i laughed and told him i’m going to get my doctor to write me a note saying i have tourette’s just in case. i’m not getting my ass suspended because i had no idea i cussed.

yesterday i was coming off the bench and that’s okay. iguodala comes off the bench and he’s the veteran, playmaker and crucial architect of wins.

this was my mentality:

and then today, in our first game against the hardest competitor, i got to start. i knew it was for my defense yesterday. and i locked that shit down. i remember this one guard on a breakaway layup, and i thought, i’m gonna catch her. i literally felt my stride get longer and i chased her down, stopping her from going to the basket. i missed my first 4 shots, but then hit a 3 that went in clean. what bothered me was that they all felt good and just don’t know why they didn’t go in but sometimes that happens. but my defense was nuts today.

i gave everything today. my body is wrecked. i’m going to spend tomorrow recovering, then hopefully wake up to a four pack on monday. that would be so great.

good night.

been working on getting this thing back in running order. it’s been neglected for so long and i’m sorry. but it never changed, me hiding in plain site.

just need to prepare to talk to the world again.

in the meantime.

hello old friend.

it’s been a long, long time. lots of nights with darkness lit by slivers of light, and an absolute conviction you were out there. often i thought you were the moon. maybe it’s because you were looking at it too, wondering if it was me.

i dreamed of you often. i did not yet know that love transcends time and space. i thought it meant something else, before i understand it’s not just an emotion. it is the raw flesh spiritual connection that connects our spirits. to be torn apart might mean an actual death, but to date, the spirit never dies. only our human bodies. and our memories. when we crossover, they lose their value, though in life, these (and hope) keep us living.

so what is it i want to tell you, since i don’t know how long this window will be open.

dreams.

yes.

they are a reflection of our minds (self), the world from which we come (space), and the future (time). think of these things as dimensions, and then you will see how important dreams are, and the magnificent possibility when you can exert your will on them.

because this life is the dream of our collective soul. imagine a box filled with darkness. and inside were a billion tiny lights facing inward reflecting a collective area. these lights are our billions of consciousnesses. some shine bright (self aware), some are dim (less aware). they might shine in different areas making some areas lighter or darker. but what they collectively shine, is our collective reality. our collective dream. so change our dream, change our reality.

who will lead this awareness? the 22s. whether they were born 22, or named 22s.

to save this world, we need the courage of 22s.

we need the mentorship and passion of 29s.

we need the heart and compassion of 9.

and we need the 8s to finance this thing.

look. this shit happening is unreal. this seems like a giant joke but people are dying. this country is being given away, just some people knew at the underbelly of this country was a seething resentment that a group of people who built what they have on the exploitation of others, and would one day lose that power because given the opportunity, those who work hard will rise up no matter where they come from, and this little dangerous but minority uprising has been awaken.

but this world is filled with awakened souls. our voices are everywhere. those in leadership build stability. and many many sacrifice. we have to know WE can make this reality. we can end this dream at anytime. we can make it the one we want and need. for our kids. for our future.

this is what you need to do first.

wake up human. it’s not the dream they told you. it’s not what they put on you. the feelings. the doubt. the self loathing. the self doubt. ask yourself why you do the things you do, why do you react the way you react. start watching yourself like you are watching yourself in a dream. and you will start waking up. this is all a dream. you are acting out your script. wake up.

then you have to identify your path. what is it you want to do, need to do. what is your superpower. what fills your soul with purpose? then move towards it. step by step. as quickly as you can, but don’t rush. the goal is to get to a place and version of yourself where you completely embody yourself. imagine if the you in your human body is the size of the you in a dream, then imagine, the size of the dreamer. that’s how big you need to feel.

when i became 29 and started embodying it, sometimes in pictures i would look HUGE. like on the court, wearing 29, i looked like i was jumping 3 feet in the air, or the biggest girl on the court. when i’m not. but that’s how big you have to realize yourself. imagine yourself so big, the you you are right now is just a person in a dream.

when you’re that size, or can get to a place where you can focus and become that version of yourself, you can affect reality. the key to getting to this place is CONFIDENCE. i can’t stress this enough. there is absolutely no way around this. you literally need to turn your balls into magnets. because that’s where magic happens. it’s science. this world is all energy.

get it?

don’t worry. you will :)