Weekend Recap
I’ve been suffering from AFNGR–anxiety for no good reason. I can’t seem to figure out what bug crawled up my ass, but I’ve been going to bed with this sense of dread, that I really fucked up on something but I can’t remember what.
Is it the money issue–how my money got locked up in a new savings account that I forgot to link to my checking, an oversight that will take 7-10 days to remedy, coming at an unfortunate time when I have bills in the thousands due 6 days before I’ll have enough money to cover them? Compounded by this ridiculous speeding ticket that I now have to fight?
Is it the girls basketball team that I’m trying to start, when I get plenty of emails from girls who are interested in playing but who don’t want to commit? Am I actually stressed because I have a bad feeling about playing, considering basketball has led to 3 out of 5 of my knee surgeries? Am I feeling bad because I arranged to shoot around with one of these prospective girls today, but we missed each other after she made the hour-long drive from Orange County, due to her waiting in the parking lot of the entire complex while I waited outside the actual gym within the complex? Am I upset because she left me a long, angry message about how not cool I was for making her drive so far and then bailing, when in fact, I’m a bit irritated about why she wouldn’t think to actually go to the entrance of the gym rather than the large parking lot used collectively by all the other large stores and vendors?
Maybe I’m feeling overwhelmed about needing to talk to my boss about how it’s not cool anymore that he’s underpaying me for my position, let alone the fact they’ve tacked on the responsibilities of two other job positions, while meanwhile, the girl who comes in an hour late and leaves an hour early is complaining that I don’t seem busy enough.
Maybe I’m just feeling generally overwhelmed.
Maybe I’m freaked out because someone invited me over to his house to hang out tonight and the thought of being alone with a guy I could actually like made me nervous, and that upset me that I would get so nervous. Maybe I hate the fact that an invitation like that stirs up all of my defenses that tell me my #1 priority is to get OUT of the invitation, even though I know it makes no sense. Maybe there’s no cure for how shy I am when I’m in one-on-one situations, and being so much better at hiding it in public makes it only so much worse.
Maybe the fact that pretending my dad doesn’t exist makes it easier for me to not think about it, but is actually making me crazy with guilt.
Maybe I just need a big fat Time-Out so I can get my X’s and O’s straight or at the very least, figure out which basket I should be shooting at.
And by the way, happy Venereal Day.
Cool things about the weekend:
Urethra, Thode, An Unnamed Librarian and An Unnamed Blogger embarked on a life of crime this Saturday night. They were recruited by a seductive Swede named Svetka. The unruly quartet also attempted to start a brawl with a Birthday Girl in a shiny aqua halter top, but the Birthday Girl’s inability to put together nouns and verbs in a logical order defused the situation. West Hollywood is on high alert. Warrants have been issued for Lucy Liu, Lisa Ling and mysterious blonde who goes by the alias, Uma.
I was marathoning The Shield, Season 2 this weekend when in one episode, the crew breaks into an apartment to apprehend the brother of a gang leader. I wasn’t paying too much attention (folding laundry at the time) when the brother started screaming something and I realized, I know that voice. They brought him in for interrogation and I was right–there was my friend Reggie, Mr. Smiley, crying like a little bitch the moment a menacing Michael Chiklis got in his face. I was proud of him though. Even though he weeps like such a pretty lady.
I spilled my coffee at the Coffee Bean today. This cute guy who works there (who we actually saw at the bar last night!) helped me clean it up and remade the drink for me. I wish he hadn’t been so cute. It made me feel more like an idiot. Wait, this wasn’t a cool thing about the weekend. Ah, it doesn’t matter. Spilling things, knocking things over, shooting holes into my feet, being all around confused…that just sums up my life these days.