With the show over, I’ve finally been able to find a moment to sit down and reflect a bit. Things seem to always be in constant motion in my life lately, with people always around, that I rarely get that much-needed space to get really quiet inside my head and look out at the universe with a deep enough introspection to feel truly rested.
My brother has been staying with me, and watching the way he processes life and human interaction has always been the greatest learning tool I’ve been blessed with. No one is more optimistic about kindness and the generosity of human beings as a collective, and no one wants to see the best of everyone he meets more than my brother. In fact, he can only see the good in people and can’t understand why you can’t love every person you meet, just because they are a fellow man and we’re all walking this often difficult life together. Being with him always reminds me of how humble we all are within this huge universe, yet how basic and simple the truth of the universe is once you realize its complicated contradictions.
What is the past? It’s my obsession, because how can life be a flowing series of events and incidences and coincidences, if every single moment and micro-moment is a singular and independent reality from which you attempt to relate? I believe that every single moment, I am a different person, a person independent of who I was and who I will be, and it is only through the growth and movement of each of these different people that I become who I am when captured at a specific moment in the future. The Me of 5 years ago seems like a foreign person, a person I no longer keep in touch with, whom I would need time and interaction with to become reacquainted with. The same as the me of 10 years ago, 20 years ago, or even 2 weeks ago. It’s not a matter of if I have accepted or rejected the person I was–opinions and judgments don’t alter absolute realities. It’s a matter of evolving or moving in a direction of your personal growth and looking back upon where you used to stand and recognizing each state of you as being different, or an unfinished state of an infinite process.
I’m happy that no matter what happens in my life, no matter what decisions I make for better or for worse, the unequivocal code in which I live my life is that everything must be done for the sake of growth. That even when I walk down the wrong path, that I walk it so that I will know that this only leads to my experience of life and my experience as a human being, and that by not taking any experience for granted, I will have gained something, if only experience and knowledge and perhaps, material for reflection.
I’ve learned that you can not be weighed under the history of your family or its influence; you can only be compassionate to your fellow comrade in life, particularly if they have weathered the same experiences with you and have offered a collective support. But you can not sacrifice your own life path and growth if others cling to a fear-born status quo or “customs” because they themselves don’t trust that life is a learning experience and that risks with whatever results are still benefits in the long run.
We all learn that life is often not fair because people make the rules and as a whole, human beings are ignorant. They are selfish out of fear and they are cruel out of fear and they do harm to others because they fear that without doing so, there will always be an unknown threat around the corner. Children can be the same way; theirs is a simple mentality, that the world is so big with so many risks and dangers, that they must shut down and play an offensive defense if they are to protect themselves if there is not a system already in place which protects them.
We have to trust that there’s more to this world and that there’s a purpose. We have to trust that gut feeling that being a good person, leading an open, positive life where you strive to better your understanding of the universe and practice patience, tolerance and kindness, leads to something very important down the line even if it seems to mean something ephemeral or nonsignificant within the mundane. We have to lead by example even though it’s so easy to give up on people and reciprocate nasty attitudes, duplicity and full on corruption and cruelty, because we have to trust that we are big enough people to accept the brunt of others’ ignorance, and that by being bigger people and trying to reach out and teach those around us, that we open up others’ outlooks and behaviors so that they can overcome their narrowmindedness and we can all live more connected lives.
But the biggest thing to be aware of is how much people can project their own inner negative feelings out into the world. How, if someone is mad at something or hates something or is unhappy with his or her life, how an ignorant and petty person will attempt to hurt others around them by passive aggressively lashing out. We are all in control of the world that is inside of us. If a person would rather put a dark shadow over others rather than deal with why they have one inside of themselves, or even why they’re ALLOWING themselves to keep dark shadows within themselves, then I feel like that person is selfish, unevolved and overall, a coward for trying to blame the external world and other people for the way they actually make themselves feel. Life is hard enough; but the best a person can do is to support themselves and show kindness to themselves by taking control of their own happiness and seeking out a support system that would provide them with positive regard and comfort. If they need to try to bring other people down because they themselves feel angry or scared or helpless, then they are what the ancient philosophers called, “Assholes.”
So don’t be an asshole, guys. They’re enough of them in this world and they are basically spiritual children. Life and this journey is such an adventure with so much to be learned and experienced, that for us to be busy pissing on other people’s feet in a tiny backyard seems like such a waste of time and opportunity.