Echo

I feel like when I meet my guy, he’s not going to have a girlfriend. He may not be exactly ready for me, but at least always reserved a room.

Let’s talk about what honor means to me.

There are so many things I could have, so many people I could want, but I know that if I manipulate things to go my way, I may end up with a very bad situation. And I like good situations, healing versus causing damage. So I exercise a lot of discipline, and I’m motivated by the fact that people can get hurt by my decisions to keep me careful.

These guys show up, and they already have a woman in their lives, but they’re drawn out. We are like two travelers meeting on the opposite banks of a river.

And yes, they see what I am, they are intrigued by the possibilities, but on the other hand, they already have something that’s real. No matter how great or how poor it is, at least it’s real. But still they hesitate, and in their eyes I see an open door, inviting me, yet I also know they aren’t prepared to catch me when I fall through enveloping them in the fantastical. So for the sake of both of us, I don’t. Sometimes men don’t know the way they tease a strong woman is like a child, and the truth of the naive is that their curiosity and daring borders on cruelty. But we learn strength by still caring about you despite how you tease, as long as you don’t get outright malicious.

I want the world inside of me, so deep that the closer I get to touching it, the more of myself I reflect. When we look in a mirror, we always know which is us and which is reflection, because it is trapped inside a little box. But what about the 2am, when you round the corner some dark wet night in a landscape of concrete and metal, and up through the fog you come face to face with yourself? Everything. Your body. Your eyes. Your feel. Your smell.

Who are you then?

The Eye?

Or the Mirror?

Did you ever put in a good word for me with that girl?

Uh, I didn’t…because you have no taste.

I know. I’ve been told that before.

She has bourgeois proclivities…

(Overheard)
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A service based company must revolve around:

1. Social skills
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Don’t be a victim.
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This guy is a fucking piece of work. It’s amazing how guys can be caught lying and still continue to lie.

Clips are in order. Watch how the trainwreck unfolds.

One by one
The stars retreat
We don’t need them to feel holy.

-skeletons with flesh on them
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Men who tie their sweaters around their waist while prowling nightlife most likely have small penises.
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Maroon 5 This Love and missile silo army commercial
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I thought missile defense was run by the air force. Army? Hmmm.
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First field trip in a while. Coach shoes, CK shirt, Prada purse, North Face jacket. Ha. Systematic emblematic. Good luck tonight.
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Steve Nash is the Magician for the win.

My new title! Couldn’t have imagined a better one. My life is based on searching for win-win! Got 3 more weeks to finish book and plunge into work. 5 weeks until launch.

Strategic Alliance Manager – By using this title your company is stating
that you want a relationship with your clients. You are not just
attempting to sell them a widget, but trying to develop a “win win”

My compatibility isn’t with the seekers of this world. It’s with the person who can understand me while keeping two feet on the ground.

I find my peace in the patterns of this world.

listening to Wallflowers at home to a beautiful Seattle summer night. Love echoes of old in the realm of the new. Watching boats come in. I wonder what happens when those who disappear return home. At a crosswalk today, a beautiful little boy with holy brown eyes was telling his dad how he couldn’t let the girl he likes find out that he’s an alien, because it would scare her.

Today is my dad’s birthday. I sat in my uncle’s office for a couple of hours, listening to him rant about all of my dad’s offenses against him. At points, I thought he was going to cry. But I took it in. Now I need to dump this energy. Have his birthday dinner, then hoping to get to the gym before it closes.

Feeling sad.

Let go of the loft out of practicality considerations. Took a picture of the 7 though, before I left. At 440K, a 2 bedroom 1200 sq ft flat was just too good of an investment to pass up. Trying to convince Bohr to rent out his place and get one, too, both because it’s a better place for him to live and because the investment value is strong. I’m going to be living in a unit that’s an 11. 9 needs 11 to get to 22.

Let’s make it happen.

No more three-legged dogs.
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You reject me when I’m a caterpillar but when I’m a butterfly, all you want to do is catch me. Did you ever think, with true nectar sweet, I would always come back on terms we could both agree?

Sweet Andrew, 23 years old and drunk off his ass, calls me on my brother’s phone asking me to come out and play poker at 1 in the morning despite having just dropped me off at home from my birthday party (a much more responsible Sean was driving). I tell him he can’t handle me and to call me when he’s 29 and got his shit together. But you’re gonna be like 39, he said.

You’ve seen my mom so you know I’m still gonna be hot then, I said. Plus, I’m gonna be on TV by then. You just get your shit together.

It’s done, he said. I’m gonna get my shit together in a couple of weeks, and then we’re gonna talk.

Talk to you when you’re 29, I said.

Brian messaged me to see how the party went. I told him that I didn’t make out with anyone, despite Michael having invited all his 20-something year-old trainer friends. New era, I wrote him. We are now pillars of maturity.

I’m looking for someone who’s 29-36. I would bend for an outstanding 27 or 28 year old but it will be at least a 2 year relationship before I know what’s up, but I don’t know if I want to spend 2 years locked down in a relationship waiting to see if someone’s ready to even be in a relationship. I would rather do what I need to do, and only notice guys who already have their shit together. Then we can spend our time seeing what’s between us and developing it, rather than trying to get them man enough to be in a relationship in the first place.

The cute waiter was off but at the restaurant yesterday, meeting a friend to go see a movie. I’m pretty sure he was trying to talk to me and trying to bring up that he wanted to hang out before I leave town (and it turns out that he knows one of my cousins), but I kept running off. I don’t know. I can’t deal with these young guys anymore. I run too many circles around them. I really need someone who is ready. He’s always our waiter every time we go to that restaurant, and he’s always talking to me about cameras because he’s a photographer. Once he even chased me out of the restaurant and everyone’s thinking either I forgot my coat or he’s going to ask me out. But he just talks to me about more camera stuff. So this morning I told my mom how he was there and he gave me his phone number and wanted to hang out. And about Andrew’s late night call, telling me to give him a couple of weeks and he would be ready for me.

It’s like you’ve stunned these small town boys, she said. You’re the brightest thing they’ve ever seen. But they can’t keep up with you.

I know, I said. I don’t want to be their training wheels, making them better for someone else.

Don’t, she said. Don’t waste the pretty.

Seriously. Boys are sweet, and I’m a tough but fair leader. But in terms of a partner, I don’t have time to spare on them anymore.

The Pisces problem:

Not only your partner but all your friends are likely to appreciate your sympathetic nature. What might not be quite so appreciated is your tendency to be so sympathetic that you get pulled into romantic and sexual entanglements out of pity and the inability to say no – entanglements which you must then lie your way out of. It is possible to be too kind and too willing to give yourself away because of momentary empathy or enchantment, with the result that you wind up doing the thing you hate the most – hurting someone else.