Echo

Be less good to be less bad. Stay closer to the middle. Expand your perception of time. Don’t let others force you off your pace. Be bigger. You’re letting outer elements put you on tilt. You can’t resist stress. That makes it real. You let it pass through you without giving it any tension or resistance to catch on.
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Mercury retrograde reduced me to tears today. Somewhere someone’s having a big laugh. I am so upset right now, I don’t know what to do.
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Virgo is many beautiful, kind things, but she’s also a real bitch.

Vietnamese house party. Strippers. Endured a lap dance from a solid brutha named Charles. More later.
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My love is not a cage, he said.

It’s more like a prison sentence.

I’m constantly hiding things from myself to protect myself from being inappropriate. Is there such thing as being too polite as to no longer be participating?

Remember last year I got an echo of a 1982 Taurus? I think he might sit right in front of me. I didn’t realize because I was always told he was a Cancer.

A gemini always has an escape route. It’s about whether or not we are compelled to use it.

I’m a possessive person. Rather than burying it, I have to accommodate it because it’s about my needs. Don’t make me want you if I can’t have you. Then again, I won’t want you if I can’t have you. Understand I need to own things. But there’s also a beauty to being owned. You would own me too.

What irritates me so much is when people don’t interact with me as a real person. I hate it when they dump their projections on me. You’re like a skeleton that people try to hang their clothes on, B once said. I don’t take it on anymore.

What I need most is visibility.

I don’t know why there’s not more discussion in the US about what happened on that tour bus in Manila. I know Hollywood’s scrambling. But from a human perspective, it’s an unbelievable tragedy.

Sometimes I think you might be a psychopath.

I looked up and smirked. Why do you say that?

Just…You, he said.

Later I announced that I was going to make a personal call.

Why don’t you use the team room?

Why? I said.

I called the blinds company. I’d placed an order for blinds a few days ago and I was calling in the credit card. As it was ringing, i looked over at him and pretended someone picked up. Yes, I would like to put a hit out on the guy across from me, I said. He rolled his eyes. The old Vietnamese lady picked up and I told her it was Julia. That I’d talked to Matthew and I was calling in a credit card number. She asked me how I wanted to split the deposit and payment, and I said, $400 up front, and $483 after. I gave her my credit card information and hung up.

So how much did it cost you to put a hit on me, he asked.

You heard me. $400 up front and $483 when the job’s done.

Psychopath, he said. But he was laughing.

Incidentally, today was also the day I took advantage of the heatwave and baked cookies on the dashboard of my car. They put the picture up on the Am-x Facebook page.

Nerves on edge. Tempers flare. Virgo is here.

With a mercury retrograde no less.

Breathes underwater.
Drowns in air.
What of this magnificent, fragile creature.

Had a dream that I was pregnant. I was happy about it even though I was single and hadn’t seen the father in months (true in real life). But in my dream, when I told my friends who the father was, their reaction was, “Um..,do you really want to have his baby?” Then I started realizing who the guy was in real life (the literal motherfucker from the summer) and I started realizing I would have to abort the baby even though the baby was half mine because I could not in good conscience allow his gene pool to propagate. I was very serious about this in my dream.

When I woke up, I was really weirded out by the dream. I told Bohr about it at work and his first reaction was alarm. “You didn’t sleep with him did you?”

“No,” I said. “Even though I would normally lie if I did, I’m not lying about this. That’s something I’m really happy about.”

I don’t even want the idea of him inside me.

When who you are is enough in your own eyes, you won’t care if you’re enough in the eyes of others.

Subbed in for a women’s team playing in a Chinese tournament. I heard they never win and they lost their last game by 30, which is terrible because generally a team onLy scores about 30 or 40 with a running clock. I probably played my best game ever with 20 pts, 6 rebounds, 3 assists and 3 steals. Then again, the opponent was made up of 13-15 year olds…shame on me. I felt like a giant out there.
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I’m like Jerry Maguire, with one client.
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Here we go. Plus or minus 5 days. Let’s see what surprises the weekend brings.
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