When I can find the way off my couch, I will take my computer to the coffee place and write from there. I’ve been working only through blackberry and iPad and it’s incredibly limiting with many perils for the streamer. But I need to take a pause on this labor day and try to get some big thoughts out.
I think this weekend will always be remembered as such.
Sausages. Lots of memorable sausages.
Like the one I took a bite of, then announced to everyone, this will be one of the best things you will ever put in your mouth. I gave a bite to the bride, then B. The father of the groom who’d been jockin’ me all night rushed over.
I can’t, he said. I’ve been a vegetarian for 18 years.
It’s okay, I said.
He looked over his shoulder. Don’t tell the vegetarian police, he said, then tore a bite from the sausage on my plate.
That’s very good, Julia, he said as he disappeared back into the crowd. I looked over at the girls standing next to me.
You’re a terrible influence, tt said. That man has been a vegetarian for 18 years and now you have him eating sausage.
It’s a really good sausage, I said. It tastes like it’s been injected with maple syrup.
But when the two gay guys walked up, I gave them a pretty dirty Andy from Weeds yeeeah as I approved their sausage dressings. The moony one plays along and says that he likes to get familiar with things he puts in his mouth, that sometimes you have to pause to greet it and appreciate it before you go to work. He even moaned on the first bite, and I laughed because the sausage was really THAT good. And he went to town, saying it was incredible, had the right firmness, texture and flavor, and I’m giggling because I’d already eaten one so I knew exactly what he was talking about.
Then his boyfriend, whose been getting increasingly anxious, finally puts his foot down and says, Are you guys talking about sausages or cock? And we both look at him like he’s crazy and say, the sausage! When his boyfriend looks away, we look at each other and smirk.
When I turn around, Brian is sitting in the corner giving me the big brother headshake. No Julia, there are children here, he says, even though he knows full well he’s letting me be the evil twin tonight.
B and I were sitting on the lawn watching a game of FrisBeerSki. It’s the most incredible lawn game ever invented. I will explain later. This little kid came up. I gave him a kazoo. Brian claimed it was my greatest act of evil yet. The kid went into a duck wail that sounded like a mounting orgasm. When the sky darkens into dusk, there’s always that collection of moments which feels like a holy reprieve, as though the entire world is in the middle of an act change. We were all swept up in the beauty of the dusk on the edge of a beautiful valley, and like a bugle boy, that kid kazoo’d it in with what sounded like a legendary climax. When he was done, Brian and I burst into giggles and the kid’s father asked him to play something more like a song. He started up on the ABC song and his dad looked less stressed.
Well you know mommy and daddy still love each other in THAT house, I said.
Evil, Brian said.
One day that kid will watch When Harry Met Sally and find out he’s a Sally.