2011 March

Its easier to dismiss me than to take a look at yourself.
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Simple. Understated. Bright. Able to quickly grasp and follow situations. A constant source of peace.

That’s what it is
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Oh you’re wasting my time. You’re just, just, just wasting time.
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My mother says, julia, I don’t like your use of language.

And I say, this is what happens when you give birth in texas.
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Lead the way you were meant to lead, and you’ll always find a way to get somewhere.
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Any time life’s knocking on your door and you feel compelled to run away, turn around, open the door and accept what’s on the other side. That’s the only way you’ll ever stop running.
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I know you, he says.

Maybe in a past life, I say.

No seriously, he says. Or maybe in dream.

If we’ve met in a dream, tell me. What color was I?

I don’t know, he says. He doesn’t understand the question.

If we’d really met, he would know that I am black and I am red.

But to the blue man with the olive skin, I am something so, so, so pure and simple.

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I hate guys who are super complicated and say, I’m just a simple guy. It’s like if you let them get away with it, they can never stop lying to you.
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Scottish accents aren’t english. What comes out of their mouths is a whole other beast.
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Some people do penance as a public service to pay for the fact that they themselves, are unkind.
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People want me to put my eyes, my world on them, but they can’t live up. Or, they don’t even try. Then don’t ask me to put that world on you. Let me accept you the way you are from whatever distance I feel most comfortable.

Sweetie. He’s gonna be even bigger if you let him be.

May the best man win.

Today I told Jerry, if you can’t be with the one you love, hate the one who let you down.

That’s what this is really about, isn’t it?

What you’re learning is how little he cares about you and that’s what’s hurting.

You aren’t caring about anything right now because you’re hurt. You have to give it time.

I can’t tell sometimes if I’m a danger to myself.

Just keep moving. Just keep moving.

He fucked things up at a time I really needed a friend. That, my friend, is the bottom line.
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How long can you live partially in different worlds? What am I supposed to do? No, I don’t think it’s fair. I don’t think it’s fair at all.
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It’s because that night, I laid in bed and thought about it. And I decided that if being ready meant being completely open to believing that if this guy is the one I’ve been waiting for, then I would accept him as he is. And I let myself put those dreams on him, and allowed myself to believe it was possible.

And it was the same old shit. I did something I’ve haven’t done in a long time, want something and be willing to accept what I got. And it was illusion.

This world is all smoke and mirrors.

Everything is always in motion. Everything is always changing.
Where is it we go in those moments when we’re not here?
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It has to end, this living in your head with only lies to numb you.
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