I don’t know what my mental confusion is here.
I am fixated on a closed off man with a wounded heart who has in no way opened to me, outside of surprisingly showing up to basketball at my invitation. Astrologically, we are disastrous.
I meet a handsome Gemini who is so openly into me and probably the best match I have found to date, and yet I am wary because he’s black and I don’t want to disappoint my family. Or is it because I struggle with a man who is not into me? I can not be that stupid.
Or is it the day to day comfortability of the boy who feels like home, whom I can absolutely be myself with, who smiles every time he sees me, and no matter how stressed or shitty my day is, his smile lights up my soul and makes everything ok?
Julia loves Jerry. Period. My love for him is well documented. But it is platonic. And end of the day, he is engaged and I will always want him to be happy and will not interfere. Whatever is between us is between us, and for what it is, it’s important to me. I can not afford to lose his friendship.
I wish my heart could make practical decisions. I wish my heart was not so mysterious to me. I wish my heart could deal with reality.