I feel like every time things get good and he acts strange. A little more combative, a little more subversive, makes deflective jokes and I don’t know why. And then he puts it on me. Maybe he just doesn’t have a good handle on his own feelings but it affects me, and I don’t like it when he puts it on me when I react. What’s the alternative? Not react? Not communicate? It makes me resent communicating when meanwhile he’s not communicating. It feels one way. Like one hand clapping. It feels futile. Then when I stop communicating because I feel like I’m way out there by myself, we have a problem. The script gets flipped, it makes me feel like I’m in a vulnerable place alone, and then it’s my problem. He asks me not to test the relationship but he doesn’t see he tests it, too. I’m really sad today. I think what I really need is something stable and consistent. Then again, I know that. I’ve been saying that all along, haven’t I?
I’m tired of things. I’m tired of silence. I would rather have silence for a reason, than a person next to me who makes me feel lonely.
I don’t know. If you’re gonna stay, stay. If you’re gonna go, go. You can’t count on other people to know themselves if they don’t. You can only know you.
Homogenius isn’t a word. It’s a state of being. It’s a rite of passage.
soft breath on shoulder blade like gentle lull of ocean
Being special isn’t something you work at, it’s what you are. Therefore you don’t need to work at becoming special, you just have to remember that you are. It’s much easier.
Anything you can’t make an excuse for…takes priority.
I need a lot of support. The men in my life, the army, need to know I will be protected and not be pulled down.
If I could find a way to see this straight I’d run away…to some fortune that I-I…should have found…by now…
Brother Will told you. Men mature later. Give him time.
“You may never get over how mad you’re gonna be with me.”
-destiny
Sending a fuck you to your own teammate in a game out of ego and spite is pretty bad.
You realize someone can’t be happy for you and threatened by you at the same time. They can only be threatened.
This was exactly what you were talking about the first night. When a man is intimidated he’s self-centered. He can only focus on himself and what he lacks. You want someone who appreciates you and can be happy for you and proud of you. You also want a good teammate. Your life partner is your closest teammate. Outside of yourself, you will not depend on a single person more.
One thing she does, she always leaves with a bang.
On the radio on the way home as I was passing the airport…
I went out into the night…I went out to pick a fight, yeah….
I went out into the night…I went out to find the light, yeah…
(Neighborhood #3)
Sportsmanship is being a good winner, a good loser and a good teammate.
Hold up. You’ll suck his dick but you won’t use his fork?
Even men who don’t necessarily want to sleep with me, still want to know what it’s like to sleep with me. I’ve always wondered if it’s a father’s burden to know his daughter is probably very good in bed from the way men act around her. Just watching me on the court, they know my energy turns me into a beast. They want to know. And it makes it even more tantalizing because as far as they can tell, no one knows. These walls are impenetrable. I won’t give it out. It creates a paradox of magnetic proportions.
Guys like to show domain by what they sleep with. Particularly when intimidated. With a girl like me, I’m a tiger, I’m a panther, I’m a night creature that stalks your dreams. You don’t talk about Fight Club. You don’t talk about sex. You don’t have sex. But you will follow this woman to the death.