I need to write down all the thing that have happened that have been odd.
1. Couple of weeks ago, I found this post:
And this…is my future life partner. Stable, kind. A fair leader. Earth behaving as Water. The soulmate I get to walk a large part of my journey with. He has always come up consistently for years. I really can’t explain to you how all this works, but his energy drops in on me sometimes, whoever he is. Original post here.
So I realized I haven’t looked at my tarot cards in years so why not go take a look at it and see if it provided any clues. I took out the deck and shuffled through them, came across my card (Princess of Disks) and threw it on the ground. I got through the whole deck and Prince of Disks was missing!
I panicked because this was the one card I was looking for and also one that means a lot to me. Throughout my life, how close or far away this card was was an indicator to me if I was on the right or wrong track. I thought when I had Adrian, that he was my Prince of Disks so I stopped looking at my cards. And I also stopped having dreams of the man before time, so I thought I had found what I was looking for. But then I had those 2 dreams within days of each other of the man before time and they shook me because the man was not Rene.
So I’m panicking and shuffling through the deck again. Not there. I’m looking around, then see that the card is ALREADY OUT:
This spooked me. I put the cards side by side:
I forgot that we are suited. I had previously identified with the Queen of Swords, the one who rips masks off of untruth. But as I got older I transitioned to Princess of Disks.
So I’m looking at it and the way I read the Prince of Disks card is this:
He’s yoked to manual labor even though he is a prince, and carries this box inside a universe thinking he’s trapped inside the box. One day he will realize what he rides is a chariot not a plow, and he is the architect of the universe in which he holds, not trapped within it.
I notice that the chariot is black and start thinking about how he drives a black truck. It is being pulled by a bull. I try to remember what kind of truck he has and over the next few days, I’m studying trucks. There’s the Dodge Ram that has a ram in the front, but it doesn’t count because it should be a bull not a ram. So it has to be a Toyota, as that’s the only truck that has the Taurus symbol on the grill. So I don’t see him for over a week, and one day I see his car parked as I drive by. I’m almost breaking my neck to see what kind of truck it is, and it’s a TOYOTA TUNDRA.
2. I was laying in bed on Wednesday night (10/23), and I remember that energy thing that happened in Taiwan, where I reached out and touched the sky and it rippled, so I almost pulled myself out of this world into the one where I’m a bigger version of me and sleeping, and everything inside this world is a dream. So I wanted to try again. So I put my hand up and tried to touch the sky. I felt it load up with energy and get bigger and bigger. Suddenly Rene sat up in bed with his head turned towards me, his eyes open. I thought he was awake and watching me so I got embarrassed and put my hand away. He laid back down and was snoring, so I’m not sure if he was awake or not.
I went back to it. I wondered if I could touch him. I assumed he was on the other side of the moon so I watched my hand grow and grow then reach up and reach through the moon and felt his heartbeat in my hand. Suddenly Adrian shrieked and began to cry, sitting up in bed. He said he was scared and wet himself. Could it be possible he could feel the energy, I thought. I comforted him and then said, shhh, it’s just the moon. He calmed down and I changed his clothes, put towels down and he was passed out again.
I need to back up and mention, I’ve been thinking a lot about the theme of what happens when 2 souls who are quantumly entangled meet and realize there is no separation between the 2. I’ve actually found a ton of Rumi quotes that nail the concepts I’m thinking of. Things like this:
In fact, I had recently posted about being blind in my search for the man before time.
I actually believe that the dream world uses fear and pretense to keep us believing this world is real, but if we were courageous enough to fall into the truth of our beings, that he and I are the same and merge, realizing there is no separation between us, this world would die as we wake up from this dream world to find that we are sleeping next to each other. And we will awake, eat our green tea pancakes in our house with the low bed and the stairs that go to an upstairs loft, and tell each other in wonder if the strange dream we both had, realizing in amazement that we had the same dream.
So I have felt a disconnection, but after delving in, I found his heartbeat and I found him, still very warm towards me so I know he is still there.
3. I tried playing with energy again on Saturday (10/26). We were in San Francisco and Adrian was sleeping next to me. I was trying to use my hands again to open up the sky when Adrian woke up and went to the bathroom. I was still halfway in that place and I stood at the door watching him. I felt my hand still on the world, like holding a large wine glass and I said to myself, be careful not to tip it. As I said that, it causes me to tip it ever so slightly and I thought uh oh, just as Adrian suddenly tipped foward and splayed over the toilet. He asked me, how did that happen? It was like I had “tipped” my wine glass which was actually the world and caused the earth to tip, and he looked like he was on a boat that suddenly shifted and he slipped forward, falling.
4. So on Sunday, I decide to try to read my cards. The first time I’d touched the cards in years was when I was looking for the Prince of Disks card, and so I decided to try a reading. Since I don’t know my formats anymore, I spontaneously came up with one–5 cards, first one is where I am now, 2nd is where I’m trying to go, 3rd is what’s helping/hurting me, last 2 are outcome.
I looked to the card numbers for clues and as soon as I started reading them, the pattern appeared. 7-9-5-22 (Gemini Sign, so I read 2 twice), the 7+1 for 8. So 7-9-5-2-2-7-1. I texted my roommate in LA, Brian to confirm–“Was 795-2271 my old phone number?” Yup, he responded.
What the hell?
I take the cards to read that I’m on track. I used to get the Hermit card a lot to represent me. Someone who lives in the shadows, collecting knowledge, studying the universe, but I didn’t trust the world not to try to destroy me if I try to talk about what I know and have seen. I took it to mean I want to come out with this knowledge, that I have to overcome my fears and worries and speak the truth. It looks like I’m on the track I need to be and I will get there.
Last thing is, I was searching my blog for answers and found a story I was working on when I was in Seattle about a missile silo. The way it works is that there are 2 people and in order for missiles to launch they each get a code to authenticate and if they are authenticated they have to put in their codes at the same time to launch. They live in an underground bunker together, just waiting for the signals. In my story, the universe has sent 2 soulmates who are the Doomsday Twins. they don’t know each other and are put in separate places in the world, but when it’s time for the world to end, they will find each other, through signs and signals from the universe, and when they get together and realize they are One, this world is destroyed as they both wake up from this dream.
Is that what this is about? What would happen if I was completely honest with him?