Name: Julia
Nickname: BitchGetOffMyPorch!
Age: 25
Birthday: 6/14
Occupation: Writer
# of Siblings: 1
Would You Give Them a Kidney? yes
Are You Friends With Your Parents? yes
Favorite Movie: Welcome to the Dollhouse
Favorite Actor/Actress: Kevin Spacey. I’ll watch anything he’s in. / Helen Hunt
Favorite Book: I Know This Much Is True (Wally Lamb), American Psycho (Bret Easton Ellis), Barrel Fever (David Sedaris), Only Love is Real (Brian Weiss)
Favorite Band/Singer: Since the Backstreet Boys are technically a “group,” I can’t decide. I listen to everything.
Favorite Song: Oh, Eye of the Tiger, hands down. Best Make-Out Song. EVER. Or maybe, I Got You, Babe, by Sonny and Cher because they sound wasted. Seriously? I used to love Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover by Sophie B. Hawkins, until I found out that it’s a lesbian song. Okay, fine. I still do.
Favorite Drink: Mojitos or Absolut Kurant and Gingerale. Oh…maybe they’re not looking for an alcoholic drink. Shoot, now I sound like I have a problem. I love that C&C grape drink…it’s a Japanese grape soda pumped up with vitamin C.
Dream Car: A hot pink hovercraft
Places You Would Most Like to Travel: Seattle, China, Italy, Germany, Egypt, back in time
Luxury Item If You Were on Survivor: Toothbrush
Favorite Quote: I wrote you a long letter because I didn’t have time to write you a short one.
Favorite Word: what?
Least Favorite Word: moist
Favorite Cuss Word: punk-ass bitch
[extra credit] James Lipton should be…shot or castrated and shot? shot, castrated and then his big, fat head bronzed
Favorite Pick-Up Line: Sheeeit, baby, you so fine that if we was in prison, I’d totally make you my bitch.
How Many People Have You Kissed: I am the make-out queen.
How Many Of Those Were Conscious: Okay, none.
In High School, I was a… …um, girl?
If You Were Running From the Law–Mexico, Canada or The Backwoods of Arkansas? Man, they kill us slanty-eyed folks in Arkansas! I’m goin’ to Mexico. They’ve got cheap mango margaritas there…
Are You Hot? Yes.
I Mean, Are You Really Hot? Yes. Now get off my corner. I’m working.
On a Scale of 1 to 10 [with 1 being, “Holy crap man, it wasn’t even human!”], Exactly How Bad Was He/She the Sober Morning After? Man, you don’t even want to know. And this was every morning for two years.
If You Could Be Any Person of the Opposite Sex, Who Would You Be? The lucky guy who gets to marry me. Okay, Owen Wilson. He’s smart and sexy, he co-wrote Rushmore and Royal Tenenbaums (both incredible movies), he gets away with a funky nose, he can pull off leather pants…and he’s from Texas. But the first thing I would do is ditch the hos and declare my love for my brother, Luke. Second choice, Michael Jordan. That guy could get away with murder.
If You Could Meet Anyone in History, Who Would You Want to Meet? Carl Jung or Nikola Tesla.
If You Could Sleep With Anyone in History, Would Would That Be? Um…………………I don’t know. I’d like to cuddle with Jimmy Stewart.
If You Could Travel In Time, Where and Which Time Period Would You Go? 4th Grade, my elementary school. I’ve got some ass to kick. Or maybe to Germany in the 1800s before all that shit went down.
Do You Live in the Past, Present, or Future? Anything but the present.
Do You Believe in Love At First Sight? I believe in lust at first sight. But on rare occasions, that might grudgingly turn into love.
If You Had One Super-Power, What Would It Be? The ability to heal people.
If You Were Granted 3 Wishes, What Would They Be? [more wishes is not an acceptable answer] World Peace, Universal Happiness, and a huge rack.
Would You Rather Be Called Soulless or Gay? Gay, hands down
Human Beings–Inherently Good or Predisposed to Evil? Inherently good but it takes work to be and do good, and sometimes people take the easy way out.
What is Your Greatest Fear? That there’s nothing more beyond this mundane reality.
What Is Your Biggest Regret In Life Thus Far? graduating from college early.
Are You Happy? If by happy you mean chain-smoking, Lil-Debbie addicted, grotesquely fat, incorrigibly white and aspiring to kick my 35 year-old unemployed son out of the trailer because it’s about time he got a job and stopped livin’ off his mama, then no, I’m not happy.