Year in Review. What I Learned in my 29th Year on this Planet
I notice how different my posts are when I post during the day versus when I post at night. Sometimes it’s like it’s being written by two different people. I kind of like that about me. That I can jump between different personas so easily in a way that feels seamless, and I’m confident in knowing that both of them are honestly and equally me.
I realized that if you want to recognize all the dimensions of yourself, you could think of yourself separated into personas…for example, Daytime Me, Nighttime Me, Future Me, Past Me, Angry Me, Sad Me. They can be separate entities, entire you’s that live and breathe and have actual conscience, all of them as equally you as the others. Once you get to that point in your journey where you’re really understanding and appreciating each persona, you start feeling this cohesion within yourself, a part of yourself healing and coming back into your inner collective.
I am drinking a $100 bottle of wine that someone gave me. It tastes good. Does it taste better because it’s expensive? I don’t know. Go ask someone smarter than me.
I cuss a lot in conversation because it’s one of the only ways I can vent my passion in an even, controlled manner. Otherwise I really would be jumping around shaking people. I promise you though, I can change my language to one that is more appropriate for proper settings, and I try to have good instincts with social graces. Nevertheless, in private, I will continue cussing like these cuss words were interchangeable with the words’ God-given names.
Don’t settle. Don’t ever, ever settle. In anything in your life. If you have even an inkling that you can do better in any facet of your life, do it.
I am terrified of letting people get close to me. If you spent 29 years living alone in a house with not another soul stepping foot into it, how terrified would you be if you suddenly heard someone else creaking around in it?
I think I will face my fear. At some point, you really do hope that what doesn’t hurt you, only makes you stronger. I think that’s where faith comes in. Faith that when you confront a fear, safety is at the other end waiting for you.
I heard that June 14th is going to be a big day for a lot of people. I hope it’s a positive one for me. I know I wasn’t given rain, but at least give me something that helps me on my journey.
I know that my family is possessive of me, and that my greatest challenge in life will be separating from them. Wouldn’t it be great to live free, and not feel like the only way to do that is to be reckless?
Everyone is numb right now because we all know that our government is making a very, very big mistake that will hurt the security of everyone in this country, but collectively we are afraid to say anything. We need a majority of made up of those who’ve found courage.
I really, really like my protein shake.
Just because mom and dad had a breakthrough in their relationship, doesn’t mean they’ve set you free. But the door was never locked, was it?
What’s worse, to have been someone who was locked in a cage with no chance of escape, or to be someone in a cage with no lock but who was too terrified to walk out? I think sometimes it’s about taking that leap.
I guess I can’t remember much else. Much of the last two years have been a blur. There were highs, but the low’s were hard and they made me kind of numb. I think that’s why I stopped writing. I just didn’t trust me to say anything anymore. But I want to get back to myself and remember what it was that I was always striving to remember. Maybe this is it–what our lives are…one big, burning question and the pursuit of finding the answer. The funny thing is, we never stop running to think about the fact that we don’t even know what the question is.