Echo

If it don’t hurt, it ain’t a breakthrough.

I started watching Biggest Loser and it’s inspiring me to get back in shape. These people are working out harder than me, whatever pain they feel, they’re pushing through it. I’ve felt really injured for a while now, and in the last week, I really feel I’m back.

Someone asked me yesterday, what’s the secret to success.

I said, work harder than others, work smarter than others, let your will make you a giant and never stop believing in yourself.

A leader must find it within her to become a giant.

This guy who works at my gym has no idea that he’s been my mascot the last year at work. If he ever works here, I wonder if my jig would be up.

This guy I was trying to recruit today told me he wasn’t even applying for jobs.

I told him you don’t apply to our company. You get tapped.

I took him to the gym. Told the gym sales rep who gave him a guest pass that if I beat my recruit at one-on-one, he would come work for us. The rep said, then I guess you’ll be coming aboard.

I whupped his ass. I haven’t been playing well in a long time but my body seems to have righted itself this week, or my fire is carrying me. I played out of my mind. Even when he was collapsed on the floor I was still going. I felt so strong, so magnetic. Nothing hurt. I was willing myself to show how strong I am so he could see what kind of leadership to expect.

I told him that my first job out of college, I read tarot cards. I was a psychic. And I’m just good at seeing where things come together. The fact that it feels like we’ve worked together forever means we’ve either worked together in the past, or we’re gonna have a long history of working together in the future. So you can either come now, or come when you’re ready.

He sat there shellshocked. I was surprised and amused by the words and passion coming out of me.

Holy shit, are you palming the ball?, he says.

I look down and I’m holding the ball with my arm straight, relaxed, the ball towards the floor. I’d only palmed a men’s ball two other times, both days when I’d felt massive…absolutely bigger than my body. The consciousness made me drop the ball, but I looked in his eyes and I knew my point was made.

If you join, you would be on my team.

MILF= Ninja School for Ladies

If you’re not a Lady Ninja by the end of this, you’re not working hard enough.

This is a story about challenging your perception of limits.

I’ve been playing Words with Friends and I feel like I’m the shit because I can make the occasional 50-60 point word. I think my biggest word was 63.

A few weeks ago, I was on vacation with friends from college and they play too. I asked one of my friends what the most points she’s gotten from a word is and she said 90-something.

I was blown away. I didn’t even know that was possible.  Then that night, I played a 98 point word and a 107 point word back to back, shattering then reshattering my previous record.

Sometimes when you realize what’s possible, it naturally becomes attainable.

Imagine if you believed whatever you wanted most was possible. I mean absolutely believed you’ve seen your future and it’s just a matter of getting there. What could you do then?

Sometimes the bullies of this world need a little humbling.

I was on a call with a customer who tends to waste our time going in circles on conference calls. We’d had a guy on our team but I’d transferred him out because he’d made a bunch of mistakes. The customer was complaining about him and I told him we’d transferred the guy.

He says, “Don’t cut me off when I’m talking. Or did the phone cut off and you didn’t realize I was still talking so you thought you could talk?” I felt my tiger claws instantly flare out but I kept it in and let him feel like the big man on the call.

It didn’t sit well with me though because he’s always condescending to my partner and he always asks me why I don’t laugh at his jokes. The reason is that I’ll laugh when he’s funny. I hate that he says that like it’s part of my expected service. I hate what a pompous, condescending person he is. Plus, it was the first time my assistant sat in on a sales call. I didn’t want her to see me letting a customer disrespect me just because he thought he had a right as a customer, and thinking that’s the way it is.

We had a bunch of things to do since I was basically taking over this account and at the end of the week I made a list of remaining action items. At the end of the list I wrote: If you ever speak to me like that in front of my team again, I won’t be able to help you.

In a martini bar in San Antonio listening to a kick ass cover band lead by a Stevie Nicks lookin’ chick with a badass set of lungs. Guy asks me to dance and of course I want to but as usual I say no and he can’t believe it cuz he knows I want to and I know I want to but I’ve said it already and I’m sticking to my guns as dumb as it is.

What is my problem.

We have a big potential customer and they sent their VP over from Germany to meet us. I’ve got a thing for Germans. He was this 45 year old guy, trim build, professional, intelligent, really warm, witty, fair. I had an instant crush on him. He’s totally the kind of guy I want to be married to when I’m 50.

I told my partner that if we don’t win the deal, if I can ask the VP of we can still skype each other once in a while whenever we’re bored.

He started laughing.

I said, what? I would totally skype that!!

Left work at 9pm today. So much going on there’s just not enough time or not enough me. My partner’s stressed too. We have so much promise, not enough capable people.

It reminds me of that State sketch where the Sargeant’s in a foxhole in the middle of a battle with a bunch of soldiers and says, “Let’s move out!” and one guy goes, do you mean me, Sarge? He says, yes, you too. Let’s move out.

And another guy goes, me too, Sarge? And he goes, yes you too. All of us.

Another guy asks if he’s going too and the Sargeant says everyone, every single person, everyone is moving out. Then he yells let’s go and charges out of the foxhole, but everyone else just sits there. There’s a long beat, then someone goes, where did Sarge go?

That’s how it feels sometimes.

I realized today I am mentally tired. I have so much energy dedicated to work right now my focus on the court is terrible. Today I tackled my own teammate fighting for a loose ball. I’d lost awareness, just focused on the task. Where I am these days is different again. I’ve molted again.

Today I showed up to the gym with my ball flat. I was able to squeeze it and other people commented as well. Later, Jerry and I decided to play horse. Part way through the game, I realized it was my ball. I hadn’t realized it because this ball wasn’t flat. I asked Jerry if he’d put air into my ball and he said he hadn’t. I was really puzzled. How did a ball go from flat to unflat?

I can’t seem to keep my skin on.

So many men are open to being seduced, unwilling to accept the consequences.

Looking back, all those boys who called me impossible, I shoulda just said, So.

Found text to a coworker:

We are skynet. But with both a killer instinct and a soul.

Love them, live for them but you can never be close to them because at any point, you might have to execute. There can be no true loyalty where I stand, except the loyalty to the entity. I’ve chosen to lead. I will have both friends and enemies. I am clear on what protects me. I am clear on my vision.