Echo

Very few people are on my level.

When you burn a bridge, you better hope you never have to retreat.

This isn’t over.

When the time comes, you’ll know.

You can lie while looking someone dead in the eye?

I can smile like an angel just moments before I snap your neck and eat you.

You chose the wrong side, kid.

This isn’t over.

Smart people who make stupid decisions are essentially stupid people.

I will give you every opportunity to succeed but get ill in the head and bite the hand that feeds…we’ll see how you do out on your own. Just know, once you choose your own arrogance over the team, you’re on your own.

Icarus flew too close to the sun, melted his wings, and fell to his death. But he had to learn it himself.

I was in a meeting and this guy tells me they were working with a company but things didn’t work out and his left eye started twitching.

I wrote in my notebook, eye twitches when he’s hiding something.

I met with him today and he said they could have gone with a lot of other people but they went with us and his eye was twitching.

I knew he was lying. He was desperate.

We’re about to build a catchphrase. And turn it viral.

I am the anti-thesis of middle-aged white men. They rule the world? Well, here comes Batman. And she’s Asian.

Jerry’s purgatory is he has to listen to me talk about other guys.

I say what I mean so I have to be careful. The only way to control what I say is to control what I think.

A lot of pressure this week. It never stops. My first emotion waking up in the morning before total consciousness is a cold anxiety, that the reality I wake up to will contain a loss.

The other night I dreamed that I was back in Amsterdam. There were two little American girls there, maybe 13 and 11, and so I was giving them a tour. I realized something was different and it dawned on me they’d closed the coffee shops. I was sad. I was trying to show them this one place where I’d spent a lot of time thinking and writing, but it was now a middle-eastern bazaar. I wanted to show them a place where I had felt inspired.

I wish I could project the ideas and images inside me artistically. I can’t translate myself spatially. If I were to depict myself, it would be as a black knight, tearing it up in battle, a faceless, vicious, force of nature of near mythical proportions with a swift and merciless sword. Equally loved, revered, respected and feared, I have believers and I have enemies. I am bigger than I am.

But behind the scenes, when I withdraw and take off my armor and mask, I’m innocence. Vulnerable. Just a kid. I don’t understand this fury inside of me. People would be horrified to know what I really am, how vulnerable, particularly the ones who’ve tried to kill me. Or maybe the fact they don’t know is the only thing saving me. My spirit is a beast, my courage ignited by passion. But when I am alone, I am so quiet. My greatest despair…who can watch over me while I sleep.

New Warriors Intro:

Determination
Drive
Leadership
Passion
Mismanagement

I added that last one.

Yesterday I was thinking about Katrina and then Kanye West. I was walking by Bill’s cubicle so I leaned over and said, “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.” He said, “What?” and cracked up. I love making people laugh with randomness.

In one of my meetings today, this guy said Facebook’s goal is to have pages load within a hundredth of a millisecond because otherwise, people will click on something else.

On one hand, it’s scary how short our attention span is getting.

On the other, I was happy. All the jokes about me being a prime example that ADHD is real. I like to think I just adapted for the new world of information that’s emerging. I’m an example of the evolution.

All I need is 20% and one alliance and I have majority.

Yesterday the king said to me, now it’s time to start building your army.

That’s what I’ve been doing, I said.

I’m watching Fringe (barely paying attention because Anna Torv possessed by Leonard Nimoy is hard to digest for me) when she says, “Destiny. Fate. Jung called it synchronicity, the interconnectedness of apparently unrelated events…”

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synchronicity

Jung called it synchronicity, too? This blog is basically me logging and obsessing over synchronicities.

Plus my obsession with astrology and archetypes and its importance to understanding psychology, human development and actualization. In my stumblings, when I found that Jung explored the same, it helped me validate it. I’ve always felt a kinship to him. He was into spiritualism, where different beliefs and perspectives converged. The development of each individuals potential, perspective.

I never knew he called what I called synchronicities. But when I heard this tonight, it jolted me. Maybe I was Jung in a past life, I thought. And then I remember once, I had a very vivid dream…I was a man in 1800’s Europe (Austria, I thought) whose father was more working class, narrow-minded and didn’t get me, but I was an intellectual, though people did not accept my thoughts. I grew old and fainted one day walking up a slight incline of a cobblestoned road and basically my life ended. Faded away.

I looked him up and he died in a Swiss village called Kussnacht. I looked it up and got to this page:

http://www.hohlgassland.ch/

Cobblestone. Most of the population speaks German. I have an affinity to Germany. The landscape. The green. I call it heimat. Motherland.

Wtf.

Sometimes I feel like a dinosaur. There’s no loyalty anymore.

I just got back from a business trip to New Orleans. First things first, I got interviewed:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXNtjtIvLJ8&

Stock is rising. Our company name is out there. 2012 is going to be a breakout year. Which is good because I promised we would be a $300 million company by 2014. We have $200 million to go.

New Orleans is okay. I’m not a big drinker, so any place where people are out of their minds sloppy drunk, that’s dirty and smells bad is usually not high on  my list. The food is good, the culture is interesting so it’s definitely worth visiting, but I can’t say that I would make it a voluntary destination of mine. However, I highly recommend the BBQ shrimp at Deannie’s.

We were there for a convention for one of our biggest partners. On one hand, I like the meet and greet type scenarios because it’s where I really shine and can help get our name out there and perpetuate the brand. On the other hand, I hate skeezy men. Brian told me about the phrase, “Wheels Up, Rings Off.” Seriously, the number of men who start out with wedding bands on the first day greatly diminishes by the last day. What’s up with that?

Last month, I’d met up with a company trying to partner with us, and their sales guy was bragging about how he used to have a girlfriend in every city while he was married, until his wife caught him with another woman on TV (at a baseball game). He ended up marrying the woman he was caught with, and he said he’s never cheated on her…until he met me.

Yeah right.

He even said that if he ever did mess around on his wife, he’d hope it’s an “Asian experience.” That really pissed me off. I’m not a fucking ride at Disneyland.

The next day, I told his boss I didn’t want him to be our contact anymore, citing unprofessionalism. However, when I showed up in New Orleans, I was chagrined to find that one of our close partners had invited this guy along.

Meanwhile, I got to meet a lot of people and being in New Orleans, we were obligated to go out every night. One of the nights, one of the guys who’s married with two young kids, got off the elevator with me and propositioned me. I don’t know…he seemed sober but it was the same old story…never met anyone like me, there was something about me…but it’s the same old story. I told him I didn’t want to be a part of bad decision-making and he shouldn’t put me in that position.

I asked him if he’d ever cheated on his wife before and he said once, right after his first kid was born. I asked him how he felt after and he said, “Bad.” I said, “How do you think you’ll feel tomorrow morning?” “Bad,” he said. “I get it, you’re right.”

He still tried to use my bathroom and I told him he could go down to the lobby.

I ended up seeing him the next night, the closing night. He came up to me and hugged me and whispered, “Thanks.”

It’s kind of scary to see these guys behave like this. Probably because I’m scared one day I’ll be married and have no idea what my husband hides from me. But then there are a few good ones, when everyone is drunk and wild around them, and they’re just not getting into it, and I think, there are good guys out there. But how can you tell? How do you know?

He’s pulling away. It turns out, I’m the anchor in this story.

The retrograde hit and things just went quiet.

Careful kids. Walk gingerly and carry a stealthy stick.

Here comes the past.

Take me to your best friend’s house, I loved you then and I love you now…