I’m bored so I wrote a pretend personal ad.
I am:
25 year-old, single Asian female, non-smoker, social drinker, non-allergic to most furry animals. Basketball fanatic, Sunday static, braving the world on a whim and a prayer. Born psychic, hyperactive, cycle goes depressive depressive optimistic depressive (optional rinse and repeat). mellow-mellow tantrum thrower, I’m-not-yelling-who-says-I’m-yelling, I’ll beat you if you start to blubber. Broke a mirror then never got laid, spent college thinking I hope I’m not gay, ate plant food once cuz it was out in the sink (mama said, you’ll put anything in your mouth). Speak Chinese, Spanish and limited Bosnian, my tongue is longer than yours I swear. Systematic mental erratic growing pains never felt so good. Corey Haim is better than Feldman but Feldman is better than Haim plus Hart. Please don’t eat me said the cheese, so I shaped him into a little man and kept him in my freezer. Dreams in color, sometimes three-act structure, but every once in a while I think they’re memories. Got no ass, but a shitload of class, my potty mouth can get me in trouble. Gasoline will kill an ex-boyfriend’s rose garden, no officer I was not trying to burn down his house. Spastic, yeah, and got no balance, yes that was me that ran into the wall. Walked into men’s rooms six times in my life, only once was intentional and no one said thank you. Passionate, obsessive bleeding heart, but closet loather of fat people at buffets. Cry or laugh myself to sleep, please cuddle with me, I’m the make-out queen, I haven’t been the same since the Giants lost the World Series. Mama, just killed a man, put a gun against his head pulled the trigger now he’s dead, i am not a robot i am a human being.
I am looking for:
A guy who doesn’t have bitch tits.