I have a deep respect for people and life. This respect is founded upon a higher spiritual love of everything, at the very core level, even if ego-wise, I may not “like” everything. Everything comes from the same place, the same beginning, the same fiber and therefore, each person and thing is as much related to you as your own physical attributes.
In particular, with the people I meet, it’s not hard for me to have an instant, strong connection with them. This connection is founded on that deep respect. But I don’t like commitment, or commitment in the sense of overall expectations.
For example, I love nature. I love flowers. But I’m not a big proponent of cut flowers. When someone gives me flowers, I greatly appreciate the thought. But if you think about it, when you walk into a garden, you can appreciate the beauty of these flowers in their natural environment as they grow and thrive. When someone cuts flowers, they are trying to take this beauty and own it, by bringing it into their own environment. And this beauty becomes ephemeral once disconnected from its life source and soon dies. Why would you do that? Why does this need to own this beauty supercede your respect for its being and its needs to exist in its optimal state?
The same thing goes with people. If they can thrive being with you, that’s awesome. But I don’t want to own anyone. I don’t want them to feel committed to me because of social expectations so that they are soon cut off from their life force and the truth of who they are and their journey. Admittedly, I don’t want a guy who dates other people and disrespects me.
But if you’re honest about things and at the core, there exists this connection based on this respect, then regardless of where life takes you, you know that you will be doing what’s best for yourself and that person will be doing what’s best for himself and because these two things are also good for the other person, you will both thrive in this garden. Commitment is so often about ownership. About hording so you “have.” But you can “have” without hording and it’s longer-lived.
I’ve never cheated on anyone I’ve dated. And that’s not because I knew it was bad and shouldn’t. It’s because, when I decided to enter into a relationship with certain expectations, I knew that this was a place that I would be able to thrive, as would he, not because I wanted to own him or because he owned me. Commitment should be about both people wanting to be with each other, to walk a certain part of life’s journey together, and not thinking about all this other stuff that really clouds issues and causes so much interference between two people.
So no, I don’t like commitment. But when I find people that I respect, I will respect that connection and the other person’s welfare and in a way, I end up being committed based on the power of that respect.
So often, with people who can’t commit, it’s not about making the right choice for a life partner. Everyone definitely goes through this. With people who chronically can’t commit, it’s about a lack of respect for oneself. And this translates to a lack of respect for other people and that sacred connection that is shared by people.