For all you bloggers out there…do you ever find cryptic messages to people in your blog, messages you would never tell them in person in a place that they’ll probably never find? Maybe not consciously, but do you ever get the feeling that sometimes when you post, there is subtext directed at someone specific?
All of the writing here is stream of consciousness for me but sometimes I read an old post and wonder who the hell I was talking to.
And off the topic, Spencer, I owe you an email. Thanks for the response.
Today’s mood: drifting out to sea
6/29 Recap:
I had a busy, somewhat stressful day at work today. Plus, I was feeling a little bit low so I kept to myself. I stayed a little later than usual at the office IMing, then headed over to Starbuck’s to return a video next door and to see if Calvin was working. It was just the new girls tonight so I just dropped off the video and went home. I watched a new episode of Reno 911 that I was pleasantly surprised to find on my Tivo. I read in Entertainment Weekly that while the show was filming in a real police station, Thomas Lennon (Dangle, the cop in the daisy dukes) had a formal complaint filed against him by a female police officer, requesting that he not bend over so much.
Fucking. Awesome.
It was the one where they think Weigel’s boyfriend is a serial killer. I loved it when Weigal comes back into the room, pissed at them and says, “‘F’ you! ‘F’ you and…FUCK you.” She’s one of my favorite all-time television characters. I think you have to be insane to improvise a character like that.
We went to Wahoo’s for dinner and then over to Ralph’s because I was going to experiment making a key lime pie martini. I picked up vanilla stoli, malibu, pina colada mix, lime juice and pineapple juice. I didn’t want to use cream for this martini so I was hoping the pina colada mix or malibu could smooth out the kick at the end to make it taste more like pie than a citrus drink. I also figured the malibu and pina colada mix were interchangeable. I knew the malibu would work but a mixer would have been ideal to more fully tone-down the aftertaste. I tried some combinations and threw in graham crackers. The graham crackers are to simulate the taste of the crust but the milder taste of the graham crackers too greatly constrasted the sharpness of the citrus and the bitterness of the alcohol, causing the drink to taste stronger than it tasted without the graham crackers. I’m not sure if I need to make the drink sweeter or the graham cracker sweeter in order to make it taste more like pie, but next time, I’m going to experiment with Teddy Grahams and some real fruit juices.
An Open Letter to a Former Employer:
When you have a cancer working from within, it will eat away at all that is healthy until you collapse one day, finding yourself left without any legs. What has been the common denominator through all this? Why can’t you hang on to good people? Think about it. I warned you. There’s something really dysfunctional going on.
I was at a birthday party at a bar on Saturday and I see a girl we’ll call “K.” K was once a friend but during college, someone really fucked me over and stabbed me in the back at the newspaper when I was home for a semester having knee surgery, and she went along with it, letting me take the fall. When the shit came down the wire, I emailed her and asked her to be straight with me about what was going on and she made it clear that she was not standing by me. The people on my staff made a lot of noise for me and uncovered some unethical, scandalous stuff, and it all worked out. The Michigan Daily is so fucking corrupt. But it didn’t matter. She came back after the shit hit the fan and said that it was all this one guy’s doing and nothing to do with her but I was so fucking disappointed with her that I could barely even look at her anymore, let alone be friends with her. But being the way I am, I was still cordial after that and never said anything about the disgust I felt over her role in everything that had happened.
On Saturday, I saw her but was wrapped up in too many conversations to say hi. I was at the other side of the bar playing darts when she came up to me and said that she had seen me and wanted to say hi. I said hi but was really short with my answers, not really making eye contact and immediately turning to talk to Jason, the guy I was playing darts with, right after answering each of her questions. I wasn’t trying to prove a point or be rude; I just couldn’t find it in me to talk to her and act like everything was great between us. Finally, she gets it and says, “Well, it was nice talking to you, Julia.” I smile, shake her hand warmly and say, “It was good seeing you, K.” I was very nice about it, but I couldn’t fake the fact that I just didn’t want to talk to her because I didn’t respect her.
So somewhere near the end of the night, Jason wanted to play a game of darts for a blowjob. So I won, and I transferred my blowjob to Max, since you know, I don’t have a penis.
As we were all leaving the bar, I saw Max and I said, “Jason’s gonna give you that blowjob at my place.” (which was me letting him know that we were all heading to my place to afterparty). But at that moment, K walked out of the bar and heard me. So she says, ” Bye Julia.” And I say, “Bye.”
She takes a few steps then turns around and yells, really nastily, “Good luck giving out those blowjobs.” So I say, “I’m not the one who’s giving it out.” And she says, “Right. Good luck giving out blowjobs.” And walks off.
So all the guys outside the bar are like, “That was AWESOME! That was so fucking bitchy!” And I’m like, “What the fuck?”
But I guess I found out later from friends that she had seen me and had asked around about where I was, specifically trying to find me, so I guess she had been excited to talk to me. And then when I was unresponsive, it must have not been what she was expecting and it hurt her feelings.
But honestly, how can you pretend to be okay with someone if, when you’re looking at them, you’re so overwhelmingly aware that you don’t respect them? I’m not mean about it. But it’s uncomfortable for me to be in that situation, and to know how easy it is to read me through my eyes. Dude, if you’re someone who has fucked me over and knows it, just leave me alone. It’s better for both of us.
This would have to be the theory that would have to complement the theory that men are biologically programmed to spread his seed in an evolutionary urge and thus, this desire causes monogamy to be counter-intuitive to men.
I think both theories, despite being somewhat semantically paradoxical, co-exist on equal planes.
The most disgusting thing I’ve ever found on the internet.
I guess this is what blogs are for. I surf around enough and check out people’s ideas of crazy links, and I find things that make me throw up in my mouth.
By the way, the beer can pic unreal. That can’t be natural.
No one hates nobody. Nearly all people have, at some point in their lives, flirted with the thought or fantasy of killing someone, whether or not they are willing to admit it. I theorize that for there to be such strong hate, the flipside must have also been present at some time, that of strong love, desire or need.
So here’s the survey:
During the time(s) that you have fantasized about killing someone, was this person someone that you either have/had a close personal relationship with or have/once had very positive feelings for? (ie relative, friend, lover, etc.)
You guys can answer anonymously, or privately if you want. I just want to compile answers for my own research.
Today, I asked my brother what he wanted to be for Halloween this year, and he said, “A gay FBI agent.”
???????????????????????????????????????????????
Wat?
My ESPN Draft Picks Entry:
Team Gonads and Strife
Updated
1st – Orlando Dwight Howard, GA HS Sr. PF
2nd – Charlotte Emeka Okafor, UConn Jr. PF
3rd – Chicago Andre Iguodala, Ariz. SG/SF
4th – LA Clippers Shaun Livingston, IL HS Sr PG
5th – Dallas Andris Biedrins, Latvia PF/C
6th – Atlanta Devin Harris, Wisconsin Jr. PG
7th – Chicago Luke Jackson, Oregon Sr. SG/SF
8th – Toronto Luol Deng, Duke Fr. SF
9th – Philadelphia Ben Gordon, UConn PG
10th – Cleveland Josh Childress, Stanford Jr. SG/SF
11th – Golden State Jameer Nelson, St Joe’s SR. PG
12th – Seattle Kirk Snyder, Nevada Jr. SG
13th – Portland Josh Smith, GA HS Sr. SF
14th – Utah Sergei Monya, Russia SG
This is what I’d like to see from the Golden State Warriors:
1. Package Nick Van Exel and Jrich to get rid of Van Exel’s salary.
2. Sign Mehmet Okur. They could really use him.
3. Clear cap space so we can make a play for Yao next year. Yao wants to come to the bay area.
4. Trade their #11 Draft Pick in this year’s draft. It’s a weak draft. Better to go for a future lottery pick in a deeper draft while using this pick as bait for enabling the above.
Scenarios
NVE makes 12M with 2 years left. J-Rich makes 3.5M with 2 years left.
1. NVE/JR (+filler) to Memphis for Pau Gasol/Bonzi Wells. Bonzi’s 8M comes off the books after next season. Mike Dunleavy Jr. gets displaced but he can play 4 positions. GS will probably have to give up draft picks as well.
2. NVE/JR (+filler) to Dallas for Antoine Walker/Tony Delk. Antoine’s 14M comes off books next year, and Delk returns to the Warriors as a shoot first point guard.
3. NVE/JR to Portland for Theo Ratliff, Qyntel Woods, Dan Dickau + Future First Rounders. Theo’s 10M comes off books next year, Qyntel could develop, Dickau sits the bench.
These are all financial scenarios. The Warriors have GOT to get rid of Van Exel, even if it means giving up Richardson, to pave the way to signing Yao and/or Nash.
But then again, the owner of this hopeless franchise is hella cheap.
Hump Day Means Office Productivity Day
jckurily: what other bad movies did we see
Me: i don’t know about bad but we saw red dragon (where you threatened to punch me in the head)
jckurily: in the face, julia.. not the head
Me: that’s right, in the face
Me: i’ll remember your fist when i try not to get scared watching gothika
jckurily: trust me, you wont get scared from gothika
jckurily: you will laugh and hate yourself for renting it
Me: self-loathing…the best kind of effect from a video rental
jckurily: it is… thats my motto
Me: if it doesn’t make me want to kill myself from disgust, then it’s not worth renting
jckurily: they have a whole section dedicated to that area
Me: like next to Special Interest and Academy Awards?
jckurily: exactly… but you have to show a special card in order to rent these movies
Me: you mean your anti-depressant prescription
jckurily: or a used condom
Me: if you have a used condom, you don’t need self-loathing videos cuz you’re getting some
jckurily: unless, you were so desperate, you pretend to get a used condom because you really cant get any so you need to get these videos to fill the void
Me: whoa
Me: we’re theorizing about someone bringing a used condom to hollywood video
Me: that’s funny, because i was seriously thinking about the psychological elements of what you just said
jckurily: and what is that?
Me: that someone must be real fucked up in the head to fake a used condom to take out a video. :-)
Me: not considering the fact we’re probably real messed up for theorizing about a world where one must present a used condom to take out a video that is recommended to having the effect of making one want to kill himself
jckurily: or people who talk about people who theorize about people who would go to HV with a used condom to rent movies that are bad
Me: or people who think about wanting to talk about people who theorize about people who would go to hv with a used condom to rent movies that are bad
jckurily: or people who point out people who think about wanting to talk about people who theorize about people who would go to hv with a used condom to rent movies that are bad
Me: or people who passively sit by and encourage people who point out people who think about wanting to talk about people who theorize about people who would go to hv with a used condom to rent movies that are bad
jckurily: or people who unjustly accuse that a person is passively sitting by and encouraging people who point out people who think about wanting to talk about people who theorize about people who would go to hv with a used condom to rent movies that are bad
Me: or people who never explained the dangers of prejudice and ignorance to people who unjustly accuse that a person is passively sitting by and encouraging people who point out people who think about wanting to talk about people who theorize about people who would go to hv with a used condom to rent movies that are bad.
jckurily: have you seen my baseball?
My Picks for the Upcoming Bobcats Expansion Draft
Jahidi White
Jason Kapono
Aleksander Pavlovic
Tamar Slay
Malik Rose
Marcus Fizer
Antoine Walker (I think they’ll take him off Cuban’s hands but they’ll want Jamison, a hometown boy, in exchange for whatever draft picks they receive from other trades.)
Primoz Brezec
Richie Frahm
Ervin Johnson
Jamal Sampson
Gerald Wallace
Desmond Ferguson
Juan Dixon
I would have thought they would want Dooling on the Clippers, but seeing as they’ve worked out a deal, I’m wondering if the Bobcats agreed not to take Dooling.
You guys can check out her blog but DO NOT COMMENT ON IT! I don’t want her led back to mine…I’d like to keep SOME secrets.
A viet sandwich? Girl, I’m gonna slap you upside your senseless head.
Friday night, Jake, Brian and I watched Mystic River instead of my choice, Dodgeball. My brain has low standards as to what it deems stimulating. It’s an AWESOME movie, made me cry in secret, and rekindled my fire about someday working with young people in regards to abuse. Jake helped me set up my free ESPN
tv and it’s awesome.
We hooked up my X-Box which had previously been gathering dust in the living room and had a field day on Saturday playing games and watching DVDs. In the afternoon, my favorite cousin Bohr called to say he was in town and I met his girlfriend, Jenny, who is freakin adorable (pictures to come). They both went to U. of Illinois and she’s from Chicago, but my mom’s company offered her a job so if she takes it, she’ll stay in the bay area with him. I really hope she stays. I’d love to be related to her. ;)
History about my relationship with Bohr:
He’s the oldest of three brothers with a strict genius dad and an overbearing super soccer mom. So he always got straight-A’s, took college math classes in high school, played musical instruments, etc. Well, his senior year of high school, he stopped getting those A’s and I guess, spent a lot of time hanging out with kids that liked cars or something. I could never quite figure out why his mom thought those kids were “bad” kids, but she insisted that he was falling into a bad crowd. Like coming home at 9pm instead of 8pm. So she would call me up at like 5am Michigan time to tell me about her worries about Bohr going bad and I would always groggily insist that he’s a ridiculously good kid and someday, I may be forced to buy him a hooker, he was so good (I didn’t say the last part outloud). Finally, she asked if she could send him out to spend his spring break with me at Michigan so I could “set him straight.” I agreed cuz he’s a cool guy. And I thought it was hilarious that she was sending him to the worst possible person for the setting-of-straight process.
So my innocent little cousin shows up and my setting-straight activities include:
-smoking “God’s natural goods” out of a homemade gravity bong made out of gatorade bottles
-mixing Atomic Queers (also called the Date Rape Drink. My signature drink…”so fruity it’s queer!”), blending margaritas, buying him $2 Boone’s
-drinking blue milk (I was going through my food coloring phase.)
-having him PA a film shoot in which we had a bearded classmate play “Peeping Tom Jesus” who also smoked from a bong and drank a 40.
….all the while, telling him, “Don’t do drugs, drink responsibly and don’t join a gang.”
It was a blast. And now, our tradition is that every time we see each other, we buy a couple of 40s and tip one for our homies. He’s a great kid and funny as hell. He brings out the craziest in me.
So I took them to a bonfire at Dockweiler with the U-M crowd, where we roasted hot dogs, drank and listened to Max’s pedophile jokes.
I took them to Toast on Sunday for brunch and then over to 3rd Street Promenade to be touristy. We met up with his girlfriend’s brother who’s in the Air Force, and the quietest Gemini I’ve ever met. I would love it if Jenny stays in California. I hope they visit more now that Bohr is done with college and working up north.
Since getting the tv set up in my room, I’ve fallen asleep to American Psycho (on Saturday) and Monster (last night). Nothing like the sounds of serial killing to lull you to sleep.
Monster gave me a nightmare about dating Ben Affleck. Yes, it’s a nightmare. I find him utterly unattractive and really trashy. But in my dream, I had worked with him a long time and didn’t realize he was Ben Affleck so it wasn’t so bad, though when I realized, I had to do some soul-searching to remember that he was the same nice guy I worked with, and not a sleazy walking ego. Though I had hinted to him that I like, “intelligent, nice guys,” and remember thinking, “Oh God, I hope he doesn’t think this is a hint that I want to be set up with Matt Damon.”
I’m in the process of putting up all of my birthday pictures on my website. It’s tedious but I’m going to devote most of tonight to it, so they should all be up by tomorrow.
That’s all.
~ Dan Millman, 21st century philosopher
from The Way of the Peaceful Warrior
[today’s quote as emailed from www.zaadz.com; i didn’t really like the book but i liked this quote]
Reason #4928 Why I’m Going to Hell
At brunch last weekend, Candice brings one of those free postcards that they have by the bathrooms to the table. It says, “WORK IT” and Candice says, “I’m gonna put this on my fridge to remind me to work out.” And I said, “Well, the picture on MY fridge reminds me to…not…be…retarded.” (see picture below). I think I heard the fires of hell sizzling as I reluctantly finished my quip.
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About Me:
experimental stream of consciousness writer who may or may not be a liar. sanest person you've ever met but i'll look you in the eyes like a computer eating magnets. what i don't know about you, i'll make up. and you'll still love me because you don't know where i went that moment you swore i disappeared. my moods chase the seasons and i hear it makes an interesting read. i like smelling good.