Echo

So I haven’t been in the Coffee Bean at my usual morning time for over a month because I’ve been going to the gym at the crack of dawn and going to work 1 1/2 hours early. Regardless, I’d already gotten pretty bored of the situation and plus, he’s kind of creepy and I don’t want to chance him actually wanting to connect with me.

So my coworker Avi and I went to pick up lunch for the office today. Driving back, we were on the residential street next to our building and I was telling Avi how eclectic houses on a single LA street can be. I pointed to a rundown house and said, “Like that one…,” pointed at a huge, white house with pillars, “…next to that one.” He said (re: the big house), “That’s a rehab house.” I said, “What?” and looked at it, just as Coffee Bean Guy walks out the front door.

I started cracking up because when Sarita and I were bored and theorizing about him over IM one day, she had suggested, “What if he’s in AA and the reason you always see him talking to people at Coffee Bean is because they’re meetings with his sponsers?” That was so random and out of the blue that we started cracking up. But when I saw him at the rehab house, I started laughing because I would have never guessed how close Sarita was to the truth. Major props to Sarita. She IS a genius.

Dear Michael,
I noticed that you plan to stay for 20 days with me. Since that is such a
long time, this trip will not count as a vacation for you. Therefore, here
are my terms:

1. You will get a job. I don’t care what kind of job. You have to find a job
while you’re here. And a real job, too. Not a job where I have to pay you.
Because you will be taking out my garbage for free.

2. I get 50 percent of your paycheck from this job which counts as your rent
and food charges. And anything else I have to pay for, I will create a bill
which you will have to pay within a week’s time of the purchase. This
includes clothes, movie tickets, keychains and airplanes.

3. You will clean my house and make my bed every day.

4. If I want a foot massage, you have to do it. I will pay you: 50 cents for
30 minutes. 75 cents for 1 hour. 1 dollar if you give me a massage and feed
me at the same time.

5. You will go to the gym with me 5 days a week. If you burn more than 400
calories on a cardio machine, I will buy you a jamba juice. If I burn more
calories than you, you will wash my car.

6. You will treat me to dinner once a week. And don’t tell me you don’t have
enough cash. I will take you to an ATM.

Okay?

Thank you,
Julia S.

***********************************************************

JULIA

Ben Wallace had another strong showing in the game last night and I would like to expound some more about why Big Ben is so impressive to watch.

I had my birthday dinner at Houston’s with my father who was here for the mediation regarding the condo. He told me that Michael got him a father’s day present, and the card said, “You’re the #11 best dad in the world.” I’m sure it’s a typo, but I’m curious as to who the top 10 are.

“Julia P. S***. Happy 26th Birthday.”

Thank you, Michael J. S***.

I hate drunk hos.

Thanks, everyone, for an awesome party last night! And thanks especially to Calvin for the…”show.” I saw hip gyrations and think my brain shortcircuited from pleasure overload, because that’s the fuzziest point of my memory.

We had 3 disposable cameras going around the party and I’m pretty terrified of what’s on them.

I’m psyched about the party tomorrow. It should be a blast. I’ve set my drink limit beforehand at 3 drinks, but I doubt that’s gonna hold…my cousins are coming and they know how to provoke my competitive streak with drinking games. Since I have low tolerance to begin with and my cousins and I are having dinner at the bar before the party, I’m just hoping that I’m still conscious by the time people start showing up.

In other news, Peyote buries his own doody. What a considerate little neat freak.

Ah, Big Ben. That beautiful, beautiful, beautiful specimen of Man. Every single muscle sculpted in that lean, chiseled body that is as graceful as it is powerful. Many have wondered why I am so completely fascinated with him and I think I should explain.

No, he’s not handsome. In fact, he’s a frightening looking fellow. Though his fro is bomb, the hairdo is better looking than the man. But what is incredible about him is the fact that he looks like a marble statue come to life. It makes any aesthete’s eyes tear up from the sheer beauty of the human body in its top form. It’s the same way a person will admire a stealth jet or a Lamborghini or some other well-crafted machine. Something inside this person just becomes awestruck and goes, “fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.”

And on top of that, he’s got reflexes that are inhuman. The way his arm shoots out and rips the ball out of the air and into his body is like watching something being primally devoured. It simultaneously freaks me out and excites me.