it’s so weird that sarah was my good friend when we were in junior high and freshman year of high school before moving to florida. in a way, my teen life went downhill after that in ways she always finds shocking, but she always said that girls from our school were really mean.
yet now, over a decade later, as soon as she heard about things falling apart with david and i, she and her husband jef immediately invited me out to florida to stay with them and rest, recuperate and write.
i was a little nervous at first because i worried what we would have in common now as adults after so many years apart when originally, what brought us together was being on the same little league team. but now, in ways, in brings me to tears to realize the truth in love and connections between people…that sometimes, there are people who love you whether or not you realize it, and when in a time of need, these are the same people who are there for you to pull you back into who you really are. the last few weeks have really made me realize how wealthy i am in terms of the people in my life, even though for whatever reason, i never realized or appreciated them.
it’s been so healing to be out here. jef and sarah are almost caricatured opposites–he’s an engineer working at ea, and she’s a children’s novelist. they’re complete left brain and right brain. but what they have in common are they each have big, open hearts and so much love for each other that it extends into the ones their loved one loves. it’s been nice being around a functional, loving marriage and to see how two people are actually making themselves the best version of themselves within the union. that’s what i always believed a good relationship should do, and even though david had really negative, pessimistic ideas about how good relationships should be, i know that i’ve seen good relationships so i’ve never lost that sense. being here reminds me of that. it’s also been nice getting back to writing. i had a big breakthrough in my book so it’s moving along now.
i feel like the last 10 months have been a giant detour. while i don’t regret it, after a while, i was funneling so much of my energy into something that had no desire to change. it was like trying to coax someone out of a corner and having them fight you and try to tell you that they’re not in a corner, but at the end of the day, i had to move on. because i was losing myself. i was losing my life force. in moments where i felt really beaten down, i thought i would die, emotionally and spiritually if not potentially physically.
my family caught me. my friends caught me. they’ve surrounded me and i’m healing. i feel myself getting stronger and stronger every day. i feel myself getting my energy back, getting myself back.
when i set out on my trip to germany last march, this is not the place i was aiming to end up. regardless, everything happens for a reason and so i’ve gotten an enriching life experience, and i took a chance on something i had high hopes for.
but now i have to be true to myself and my potential. i’m moving on, moving on my path because life is short and i don’t have a lot of time. i have everything i need for this leg of the journey–a strong circle of people who believe in me and know who i am, and a strong sense of myself and knowing that i can achieve anything i put my mind to. i’m done trying to help others reach their own potential. it’s time for me to reach my own.