FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

September 23, 2009

Announced tonight at 11:22pm to worldwide Fans of 3am, The J to the P to the Shih has made the surprising decision to come out of screenwriting retirement and enter a competition. Standing 5’6 and weighing in at 145 lbs with only 1 win under her belt, Shih has always displayed an ambivalent attitude towards the medium. But Shih has been working hard all summer, training in a private gym in the beach city of Santa Monica, CA with NBA stars and college athletes while watching sunsets and eating rich desserts with disciplined consistency. When asked if Shih is ready for competition, her basketball coach was quoted as saying, “That girl makes happen whatever she wants. I still don’t know what she did to me.” Expert analysts believe Shih could be a dark horse contender, but the biggest question mark surrounds her resolve to stay focused and ignore the baggage. Can Shih pull her mental focus enough to believe in a winner? Can Shih avoid a self-sabotaging psychout to triumph through word and mind? After 3 years out of competition…we’ll find out if Shih is, indeed, stronger.

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For more information or to schedule an interview, please contact Shih’s patron saint, Andy Garcia:

i had to take a break from writing because i kept looking at that picture of andy garcia and giggling.

here’s the story behind andy garcia.

recently, in the book twilight watch, an Other visits a man by disguising himself as a russian actor from the 1950’s. as soon as i read that, i thought, “like andy garcia!!”

it’s really that dude who is always meeting me in dreams, the one so familiar he precedes time…every once in a while, he shows up masked as andy garcia. i don’t understand why, but he does.

it usually happens if i’m feeling down. i’ll dream of being on a beach on an overcast day and finding a beach house. i immediately recognize the man with all of the joy inside me because he is the man who precedes time. except he looks like andy garcia. but in this form he’s like a mentor, taking care of me and helping me heal. he gives me words of wisdom and i am rejuvenated.

so even though i had seen andy garcia’s face and eyes, i knew they were a mask for someone else, so all those feelings were for that person, not andy garcia. but i respect him because he reminds me of something very powerful and healing. in college, i always reviewed his films kindly.

(note: i actually ran into him last year. it was my first night home from my first resident tour of amsterdam, feeling like i’d come home from war. brian had planned to go to the madonna concert that night, but it was also the night of a giant protest against the veto of gay marriage. so the concert started late (as i joked, all the gays were in westwood, so they had to wait for them to fight traffic to the other side of the city, otherwise there would be no audience), but it was amazing. it was at dodger stadium, and the positive energy just echoed. she’s actually a very powerful performer. brian left for a while and then came back, telling me i should walk down to the front of the section and look up, because it was a completely different experience there. so i walk down and as soon as i get to the bottom rail and turn, the entire stadium opens up. running 360 towards the sky,screaming people radiating amazing energy like one, giant, pulsating creature. it was this amazing feeling of being able to see the parts that make the whole, including yourself, and the synergy as it sparked off into the night sky. i was turning in circles, looking up, a giant smile on my face. and despite how trying the last few months had been, all this was rejuvenating me, making me feel powerful again. i was so happy. i turned, and turned, and when i looked down, sitting in front of me was andy garcia (and his wife). we looked at each other, eyes connecting. i stared; he stared back.

i ran back to my seat, stunned. i didn’t say anything, terrified about protecting the meaning.)

The room had grown dark, the wood paneling thick like shadows in the corners. Outside, the space needle hovered, ghostly maternal.

“I wanna know what your secret is,” he said.

“What makes you think I have a secret?”

He doesn’t say.

“My eyes,” I answer for him.

“So you do have a secret.”

“Not really. My secret is that I’m completely open. But you have to learn how to ask the right questions. And you have to learn how to read me. I’m so open, my honesty is deceptive.”

i think one thing that made a big difference was when i stopped paying too much attention to the views of unhappy people.

I dedicate tonight’s song to everyone who has a 12th house Venus in Cancer.

How could she say to me
Love will find a way

Hey you’ve got to hide your love away

i definitely have the life i have and the experiences i have because i am alone. today was one of those. weaving through crowds. heads turning. rough-looking men saying wow. and me, feeling like a towering wall that blots out the sky, focused only forward, music in my ears, disconnected. my hat pulled down low so no one could see my eyes, feeling like i could go weeks without opening my mouth and forming a single word to another human being. except when i see children. then i step out of the world to smile.

i was not particularly friendly today. i was not unfriendly, but today was a day where i wanted to belong only to me.

i received some serious information yesterday. i am going to have to be strong from november to august. it looks like still no partner through the upcoming year, and a time of isolation. i’ve been advised to let everything go except for getting through this period. everything must funnel through mind and words. this sounds like i’m going into the forest for another test. i hope when i see everyone on the other side, they will be smiling.

sooner or later, universe, i will have earned the place for a partner who is on my level.

(got a nice email today)

Subject: He Looks Like…Blog
Date: Wed, 23 Sep 2009 23:23:01 -0400
From: kaylan.kaatz
To: brokenhalo6

Every couple of months, I stumble back upon your site and spend hours reading your ridiculously hilarious interpretations of people. Thank you.

there is no greater distance than between two halves of the same whole.

the people i would want to have at my fantasy dinner party are nikola tesla, bill clinton, carl jung, abraham maslow and two other people to be named later.

The great behavioral psychologist, Abraham Maslow’s 19 Characteristics of a Self-Actualizer (pulled from Philosophers Notes). Or as I like to think of it, the 19 Keys to becoming an embodied 9:

1. Perception of Reality: These individuals tend to have a “superior relationship with reality” and are “generally unthreatened and unfrightened by the unknown.” In fact, “They accept it, are comfortable with it, and, often are even more attracted by it than by the known. They not only tolerate the ambiguous and unstructured–they like it.”

2. Acceptance: “Even the normal member of our culture feels unnecessarily guilty or ashamed about too many things and has anxiety in too many situations. Our healthy individuals find it possible to accept themselves and their own nature without chagrin or complaint or, for that matter, without even thinking about the matter that much.”

3. Spontaneity: The behavior of the self-actualizing individual is “marked by simplicity and naturalness, and by lack of artificiality or straining for effect.”

4. Problem Centering: Self-actualizers customarily have some “mission in life.”

5. Solitude: Self-actualizing individuals “positively like solitude and privacy to a definitely greater degree than the average person.”

6. Autonomy: “They have become strong enough to be independent of the good opinion of other people, or even of their affection. The honors, the status, the rewards, the popularity, the prestige, and the love they can bestow must have become less important than self-development and inner growth.”

7. Fresh Appreciation: “Self-actualizing people have the wonderful capacity to appreciate again and again, freshly and naively, the basic goods of life, with awe, pleasure, wonder and even ecstasy, however stale these experiences may have become to others.”

8. Peak Experiences: It’s been called “flow” or “being in the zone.” Whatever you want to call it, self-actualizers tend to experience it more often than average.

9. Human Kinship: “Self-actualizing people have a deep feeling of identification, sympathy, and affection for human beings in general. They feel kinship and connection, as if all people were members of a single family.” “Self-actualizing individuals have a genuine desire to help the human race.”

10. Humility and Respect: All of Maslow’s subjects “may be said to be democratic people in the deepest sense…they can be friendly with anyone of suitable character, regardless of class, education, political belief, race or color. As a matter of fact it often seems as if they are not aware of these differences, which are for the average person so obvious and so important.”

11. Interpersonal Relationships: “Self-actualizing people have these especially deep ties with rather few individuals. Their circle of friends is rather small. The ones that they love profoundly are few in number.”

12. Ethics: “They do right and do not do wrong. Needless to say, their notions of right and wrong and of good and evil are often not the conventional ones.”

13. Means and Ends: “They are fixed on ends rather than on means, and means are quite definitely subordinated to these ends.”

14. Humor: “They do not consider funny what the average person considers to be funny. Thus they do not laugh at hostile humor (making people laugh by hurting someone) or superiority humor (laughing at someone else’s inferiority) or authority-rebellion humor (the unfunny, Oedipal, or smutty joke).”

15. Creativity: “This is a universal characteristic of all the people studied or observed. There is no exception.”

16. Resistance to Enculturation: “Of all of them it may be said that in a certain profound and meaningful sense they resist enculturation and maintain a certain inner detachment from the culture in which they are immersed.”

17. Imperfections: Actualizers “show many of the lesser human failings. They too are equipped with silly, wasteful, or thoughtless habits. They can be boring, stubborn, irritating. They are by no means free from a rather superficial vanity, pride, partiality to their own productions, family, friends, and children. Temper outbursts are not rare.”

18. Values: “A firm foundation for a value system is automatically furnished to self-actualizers by their philosophic acceptance of the nature of self, of human nature, of much of social life, and of nature and physical reality.”

19. Resolution of Dichotomies: “The dichotomy between selfishness and unselfishness disappears altogether in healthy people because in principle every act is both selfish and unselfish.”

toss it through space
toss it through time
future throws it to past
who writes it down for future
this is the way i occupy myself
believing i’m not alone
until i find signs of someone else here on earth
who can actually hear me and find me

i’m not psychic. i just have a kind of projective elasticity. and i’m good with probability.

Fulghum says the most important word is LOOK
I say the most useful word is FIND

time and space are interchangeable to me, which helps me find their positions by using one to find the other. then, if you know the points on the x and y axes, it’s easy to project z. you need all 3 points to triangulate truth.

julia and her blog. bending time. i’m surprised people haven’t noticed.

i was doing a serious jog, wearing all black, listening to royksopp: back to mine, thinking about my body as a machine of flesh and gleaming metal. as i was running across the street, this granola-y girl with wire-frame glasses in a station wagon is waiting to make an unprotected left turn. she eyes me approvingly as i run across the street and as she makes the turn, she leans her head out the window and yells, “awesome.”

when i tell friends that a certain man in my life needs to learn how to live without me, it’s about how some people need to learn to appreciate someone when they’re there, not only lament when they’re gone. if i had to learn it, so do you!

If you’ll be my bodyguard…I can be your long lost pal…

oh, you have to dance this one out!!