Echo

This is the beginning of something great! I hope you like it!

Get up get out and do somethin‘
Don’t let the days of your life pass you by
Get up get out and do somethin’
How will you make it if you never even try?

Dream big, dear Gemini – this is a month when even miracles can come true.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi

“Don’t distract me. Inspire me.”

“What are things that inspire you?”

“Innocence and truth. Magic. That a person can fall into a well only to discover an infinite sky. Love. Sometimes.”

i need to learn to appreciate where i’m at, not always banking that where i’m going is going to be such a better place.

My mom and her friend are trying really hard to set me up with her friend’s son. Except he already has a girlfriend. We met up because he works in Fremont and finished his culinary degree part-time at PCI in San Jose, and so they invited me to an open house so I could check out the school. That was fine. But then they keep finding excuses for me to need to contact him. I finally told my mom that I’m sure we each think the other person is cool, but I don’t want him to think I’m trying to get with him when he’s already got a girlfriend. This is completely against my code of ethics, and she knows that. He’s a nice guy, but this situation is daunting and wrong. But I’m glad for the intro to the school. I’m very excited about being able to do that program part-time.

surprising.

drove around today trying to find a place to sit and write and couldn’t. finally decided to go to the cafe in the gym to work since they have free wifi and then i could just work out. as i was writing, i looked up to see curtis working. i’ve never seen him here on a sunday. so he saw me looking and smiling and came over. we ended up talking for about 5 hours, with him staying past his shift to the gym closing. he told me that he has the keys to the place, so i asked him if i wanted to come play basketball at 3am, if he could let me in, and he said he could. i asked if we could play now, and he said yes, so we stayed at the gym well past midnight, with him helping me shoot left-handed.

he was riding me about writing, and my whole not knowing how to tell this story, and thus, my delaying in writing the story. about how i have to be willing to write crap and get it all out, rather than this idea that i have to write the big story and nothing else. he wants to help me rework my website so i can keep my blog on it rather than having my site and my blog hidden on blogger. i told him i don’t want my blog out there, but i need to combine all the stuff in my notebooks and all my digital files into one large searchable database. he said i can just sit a homepage, but password protect the things i don’t want the public to see. but he will need access to my blog. i’ve been unwilling to tell him the address, mostly because i’ve written about him and will have to hide anything related to him if i hand it over. and also not being sure i want him to see this much of my past and my insides.

but then i think, it shouldn’t matter.

he asked me if i thought he was dangerous to me. i didn’t really answer the question, said it was inconclusive. you can be dangerous to someone without being a dangerous person. but maybe, what’s dangerous to me is what hopes and disappointments another person represents, especially when maybe i have certain doubts about my judgment in the people who get close to me. i think a part of me never wants to try again unless it’s a sure bet, of which there are none. get too close, and you lose someone you could have been longtime friends with. get too close, and you could get hurt or hurt someone else. get too close, and you could lose yourself. get too close, and you could be getting close to the wrong person.

i am confused.