Echo

I’m going to miss these sunsets over mountains and water most.

I kind of want to have a graduation party. I’m driving the small stuff down to CA this weekend, but I have to come back on a weekend in August to move the furniture. Just like I think of my birthday party as a gift back to all the people I care about to enjoy the night, have fun and feel appreciated, I kind of want to get together with the people I’ve met over my year of exile in Seattle and say something nice about each person. It’s the whole, why don’t we say the positive things we think about people? I usually try to say them anyway. But it would be nice to be able to do something fun and show appreciation.

But then sometimes I feel like I have these good intentions, but to actually carry them out seems a little gay. I’ll think about it. I have some time.

Final week of Seattle.

As I wrap up my this portion of my journey, I find myself reflecting on what I’ve learned here, the meaning of this cumulative experience.

I feel that in life, you can find goodness wherever you look, or badness. In part, it depends on what you expect to find, what you want to find. What you intend to hold on to and allow to “color” your reality. I’m sure I’ve had less-than-civil experiences, because life is not all of one thing or other, it is an amalgamation of all that exists. But I find that what I take away, are things that build my personal version of reality, one made of positive expansion and challenges that built me up stronger, so that I don’t think of my experience here in any way as being filled with negativity. What I remember are the good things, and the things that made me stronger.

I think that’s what Seattle gave me. An experience that showed me how to build personal perspective in a way that it can become an actual reality, because what is reality, but a complete visceral perception of what “is?” We have so much more control over our lives than we often give ourselves permission to believe. I can’t necessarily dictate what other people or the objective, collective world does, but I can control how I perceive it, my reactions to it, and where I position myself. Just like in basketball, I can’t dictate where the ball will fall, but I can put myself in the right position to get the rebound. Knowing this, it’s a matter of building things right, and not getting hung up so much on the result, as this is a continually evolving process that is changing my world within as it changes the world without.

Learn from the past, build for the future, but do all the necessary work in the present. Most importantly, enjoy every moment.

New Mission Statement:

The world does not owe me a living. And I don’t expect it to.

When I encounter something I don’t understand or which intimidates me, any static from fear, I will confront it and say, I will find a way through. It is not up to others to give me the understanding or the path beyond. It is up to me to utilize my resources, approach the right people for assistance, in order to see what I need to see, to do what I need to do.

I will never be helpless. Even in situations when I am down and do not have control or a handle, I will find a way to gain a handle. I will use my legs. I will use my will. I will use my resources. I will use my perspective. No one owes me anything. It is up to me to seek until I find. I will lead by example.

In the space between sleep and waking, I dreamed that I opened an email that explained that certain abilities I’d written about had been approved. I thought that meant something I wrote got accepted into publication, but when I looked up, there was a well-dressed man in my room who said, “No, your paradigm shift has been approved. All that you have premised is now available.” What do you mean, I asked, still trying to wake up, confused. My alarm was going off. It was 10:12am, time to get up. But I still had a line open with him.

“It means, go out and create. The tools you have requested have been transferred into your plane. Your paradigm shift has been approved. Reality is at your hands.”

I got up and turned off my alarm, then went back to bed. Dreamt that I was at an empty fairground, searching for these tools, like they would be dropped from another dimension in crates or something. But they weren’t tangible. I realized they would be unlocked “within the moment.” Like in moments when an “other” heightened ability is available, in that moment, I would get a chance to use it. But it would be intuitive. By faith. I just have to go about as if it were available and if it is, it will be there for me. I won’t know it’s there until it is happening.

Woke up an hour later to find a text from Rie, talking about having taken her son to the fairgrounds to watch the fireworks last night. Find it interesting how these texts come in while I’m sleeping, and I manage to pull their content with my mind and incorporate them into my dreams.

Tomorrow is my first meeting for work. I’m just shadowing our sales manager on a client visit. I drive back to CA next weekend to start work next week. In anxiety last night, I woke up at 4am and tried on some work clothes. I’d brought some outfits in case I got a job here, which hadn’t happened. Last time I wore work clothes was 2008. Amused to see I have an ass. Amazing what 2 years of not sitting in an office chair 9 hours a day will do for your body.

I’m like a boxer, ready for a championship fight. But this fight will be a marathon, not a sprint. It will be a marathon sprint, the world magnetized through me, and I am a funnel, directing it all in one direction. Single-minded. I’ve always been. Every trainer or fellow athlete always comments on my shoulders. They’re very strong. “Are you a swimmer?” No, I say. But I’m one of those people who can carry more than you would think possible. Put your dreams on my shoulders, I say. Let’s see how far I can push them into the next level. Because your dreams are my dreams. I want most to show people what giant realms can be possible. And then I want them to take it from there.

Creatives. We take what is not here, and bringing it here. We build the bridges between the realms of idea and dream, bringing them into reality. Just clear room for us to land them.