there is nothing i want more than a place where i can just lay down and be honest.

July 7th, 2010 | Comments Off on

I’m understanding it’s not just lovers who can break your heart. I guess I never really realized it before.

July 7th, 2010 | Comments Off on

Example:

You tell someone how you feel.

“Why do you feel that way?”

“Because of [this], [that] and [the other].”

“You don’t need to justify your feelings. If that’s the way you feel, all you need to do is say so.”

See? Circular argument that backs a person trying to communicate into a corner. Communication is a tool for opening up the world, not closing it down. Inviting people to walk into a trap and then punishing them for it is more than anything, a reflection of how you feel.

July 7th, 2010 | Comments Off on

I’m not going to struggle in no-win situations anymore. I’m not going to allow myself to be invited into being anything less than myself, because I respect myself and what I’m doing with my life. I appreciate people who care about me, and want to see me make the most of myself. I want to be there for the people I love, but if they punish me for their own feelings, I also can’t stand there and continue to take it. It’s not right if I did. It’s a matter of self-respect. You can love the people in your life, but if they are doing the utmost to push you away and don’t seem to want to or be able to stop, sometimes you just have to walk away. At least until they can treat the relationship more fairly.

July 7th, 2010 | Comments Off on

The hardest thing is this:

Someone comes up and asks you a question. If it were just a question, no problem. But they are asking you a question with a judgment already in mind, so it’s actually a challenge and a provocation.

Basically, no matter how you answer the question, it doesn’t matter because they’re not actually asking a question, they are expressing judgment in rhetorical form.

And because of that and the fixed nature of where they’re coming from, any “answer” you have to their question, they will view it as you trying to justify whatever it is they don’t agree with, and they will take this “justification” as evidence that they are right, because anything that is “true” shouldn’t have to be justified.

It’s a no-win situation. They are basically putting you in a position where they are asking you to justify something, just to turn around and criticize the act of “justification.”

What’s frustrating is they never see how the person is not reacting defensively independently, but they have invited this person to feel defensive, and then they trap the person in a corner for feeling defensive. Why set people up like that? Nothing good comes out of it. What do you get out of trying to make someone feel insecure and small?

July 7th, 2010 | Comments Off on

I’m going into Saturn conjunct my Libra Moon.

I’ve been wondering why all stir ups with Libra, and today really brought my attention to it. Emotional connections challenged. Think of it as coming from something bigger, and don’t take it personally. In every interaction with tension, I’m asking myself, how can I best react in an effort towards the most positive outcome?

It’s going to be a time of challenge for a while, but I’ve worked really hard and I think I can show how much I’ve grown by rising to the challenges.

July 7th, 2010 | Comments Off on