Echo

I am that old man who wanders into the forest and lives in silence amongst cacophony.

I’ve been inside the minds and hearts of champions, but I’ve never had the guts to let that be me. Its the attention that makes me lose complete focus. I’m learning to be myself under attention, because there’s nothing I want more of, but there’s nothing so terrifying.
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My dreams are filled with violence and regret.
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The sky on my way home from work on Thursday, with my crappy phone camera doing it no justice. Fall always has the best sunsets.

God really looked out for me yesterday.
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Learn to trust the world. Don’t get so mad when things don’t go the way they should.
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I’m not going to tell you what to do. When you’re ready to move, you give me a sign and I’ll point the direction.
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So often I believe what I mistake for love is just the misinterpretation of a chemical reaction. How can you tell the difference? Is there really a difference? We are orbiting closer now. It’s the Virgo in him that I find so irresistible, his neatness, his organization. The way he dresses, sweaters over button downs–like a mild-mannered banker, and under that the fluid and lean body of a fiercely intelligent competitor I’m constantly admiring on the basketball court. I’m drawn by his politeness. His courtesy. His gentle reserve.  His  underlying restlessness and self-criticism unnerve me. And he’s still a Taurus–unmovable except by his own will. And yet, didn’t the prophecy always point to an earthy man, in the symbol of a bull? But I’m very careful when it comes to the prophecy. I’ve jumped too quickly before and made mistakes.

I’m always aware of him, on the other side of that flimsy gray wall. I like the way his eyes light up when he first sees me in the morning, and how he sometimes stands up and will glance over the wall to check on me, to see if I’m there. The other day I was asking about his family, and in my head I asked myself why I wanted to know and I answered, to know about my in-laws. I think that was the moment I feared I was losing control.

I sat next to my cousin at a basketball game a few nights ago; she works one department over. In the middle of the game, she suddenly said, “By the way, I know who you’re in love with.” My body went cold. “Your face is turning red,” she said. 

This needs to stay a secret. I don’t even want to know.

i don’t go near guys with girlfriends because if i were to give in to temptation, i would lose everything. my life is based on the belief that i am a person with integrity. on the flipside, a guy who would allow me to lose everything, is not someone i should be close to.

sometimes the temptation is difficult. sometimes, i just want to take it.

most of the time, it’s my knowledge that i have yet to keep what i want, that keeps me from grabbing the things i can’t stop dreaming about.

He wore a peach and white striped button down so neatly, that night, in fits, my dreams tumbled back into him.

I work hard on myself because one day, a lot of people will depend on me to make decisions.
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Now you’re knocking at my door
Saying please come out against the night
But I would rather be alone
Than pretend I feel alright

My mind is open wide
And now I’m ready to start
Your mind surely opened the door
To step out into the dark
Now I’m ready

I am the big sister you always wanted. I’m the best friend you fell in love with in kindergarten who tricked you into showing yours and never showed hers. I’m the girl you’ll never quite get, but can’t help but follow. Every storm has an eye. I am a storm, but the sweetest thing you would ever want under a blanket in your arms, when it’s raining outside and your toes are cold.