I can use words and their echoes to follow my way inside people.
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Audio dispersia
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High powered machine in need of battery pack. What I need is someone who can commit to believing in me.
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For 2011, I want someone to be real with.
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I guessed his birthday. Down to the month, date, year. It was uncanny and weird.

I’ve been expecting a Taurus. I’ve been feeling him around me, myself preparing for him, telling myself to be open. I associated the number 29 so I thought he would be 29 years old. 29 and Taurus. 9 needs 11 to get to 22. 29 is the ultimate 11. 29 Taurus.

In November, we went to meet a new customer. It was after lunch, and we’d had Chinese food to go with our lunch training and the MSG was killing me. I hadn’t had time to get coffee and in the meeting, just a small group of sitting around a table, I nearly nodded off. It was terrifying.

First thing I said when we left: If it’s after lunch time, do NOT let me go into a meeting if you don’t see me with a coffee in hand.

First thing Matt said: You should date Dave. He’s a good looking guy.

I told him to shut up.

To be honest, I hadn’t really noticed the guy, who was one of the engineers we’d met. I was struggling to stay awake.

They came to visit us a few weeks later and we all went out to lunch. Even my mom, the “president of the company,” joined us. He and I never talked and outside of greetings, he never looked at me, so I didn’t think anything of it.

After lunch, Matt was at it again. “You should date Dave, he’s a good looking guy.”

“Then you date him,” I said. “He never even looked at me.”

This led to a 5 minute debate where Matt made his case about how he knows the way guys think and the guy just didn’t want people in his company to think he was pushing for our company because he had the hots for me, etc. and it all sounded like bullshit to me, so I just rolled my eyes and told him whatever.

So the guy and I had been emailing about specs since I’m the point of contact for the quotes, etc, and we started talking about Thanksgiving. Somewhere along the way, I told Matt that I thought he was trying to fish if I was single. Matt just smirked and said, “From that first meeting, I just knew you two would start a personal dialogue outside of work.” Smug fucker.

So we planned to meet for a beer last night. Then I got an email from him saying this:

Well, I have to admit that I’m disappointed that I’ll never get to see your Cojones but it’s impressive that you have an IMDB page.  The upshot is that I know your birthday, how old you are and where you were born.  Dave 1, Julia 0.

I’ve been wondering what his birthday is. I was pretty sure he was either a Taurus, Gemini or Cancer, but I had my money on Taurus.

So I wrote back to him asking what I would get if I could deduce his birthday. He said he would buy the 2nd round of beer.

So I tackled month first because that I had a strong gut feeling about. I told him that I thought he was born in either May, June or July, but if his birthday was in June he would have probably mentioned that we have a birthday in the same month so it was a 50/50 between May and July. So I guessed May. He wrote that I was right.

Then I tackled year. I knew he was older than me, older than someone I could have gone to high school with based on some of his references. I guessed 1972 or 1973. I sent that, thought about it, and 73 just kept flashing in my mind. So I sent another email saying that my gut said 1973. He wrote back that I was right again.

Amazing. So then I had to get the date. I’ve been thinking about it, and I used my astrology program to move things around and see how they felt. I kept gravitating towards the 14th. I don’t know the guy at all, but I tried to get clues about his energy, and I wondered if he had Moon in Libra, like me. That would mean either the 14th or 13th. Then I added up the numbers of 5/13/1973 and realized it added up to 29. Holy crap. A 29 Taurus. But the more I thought, the more I got confused, not sure if what I wanted it to be was obscuring my ability to pick up what it was. I got a headache. It started feeling impossible.

Randomly, I was reading Michael’s blog when Tam came by and saw it, so I sent him the link. We were sending our favorite quotes to each other and laughing over them, when I found this really sad post about my mom hitting a deer with her car, and she and Michael had a big fight which he regretted. It was heartwrenching. The date on the post was May 13th, 2005, a Friday the 13th.

Later, when I met up with Dave for a beer, he wanted to know how I got his birthday. So I kind of told him, leaving out the astrology part because that’s the part that people always find hokey even though I’m good at how I use it for my own analytical needs. I told him that it wasn’t likely that I could get the date, but I’d narrowed it down to a couple of dates. But I couldn’t tell if I thought these were the dates because I wanted them to be, or because that was what my psychic antennae was pointing at.

So I told him that I had been on the 14th for the longest time, but then I changed it to the 13th, but I wanted to ask him a question first before I decided. I asked him what he was doing on May 13th, 2005. He thought about it for a while. Finally he said, “Outside of celebrating my birthday, I don’t remember.”

I fucking nailed his birthday. And he’s a 29 Taurus.

That was insane. Crazy magnetic energy coursing through the last week. Even the day before at the gym, I was shooting the lights out. Playing 3 on 3, I hit 12 of 21 shots for my team in the first game, 14 of 21 in the 2nd. There were times I  just turned around and chucked over the guy, couldn’t see the basket, and it would still go in.

I slept terribly last night. I’m having an acute fear reaction. Last night was great, he’s a really cool guy that I would like to get to know more, but he also nailed my one biggest dealbreaker. I couldn’t believe it, but I can’t say I wasn’t surprised. I’ve been warning myself that it was likely. I don’t know. I have to walk away from it a bit to clear up my feelings.

I booked a ticket right now for Seattle for New Year’s Eve. Spontaneous. Theoretics are playing the Triple Door. Wish me luck.

I have a certain relationship with my future self. And so I look for people I recognize.
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A mirror only shows you how you see yourself. It doesn’t show how others see you. Think about which side is which when you are looking at your reflection, and when you’re looked upon by others. You see yourself, but it is not the face that others see because it is the opposite.
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I’ve been called many things in my life. A cheat, a scandal, a soldier of love…but I’ve never been called a soldier of love.
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I am a navigator of my future, not a slave to my past.
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I think our minds are in love. But depends on how you view your mind. Is it who you are, or is it what you keep?
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If I feel like being in that time and place, I will be in that time and place.

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Rosa p. – this little girl was not getting out of the water.
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I told the woman I was the one responsible for this sudden moment of beauty, and it totally blew her mind.
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Remember how awesome Luscious Jackson was?
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Wendy asks me, what’s that movie with gwyneth paltrow, and I know the exact one because I know the song. It kept playing on the radio, on two different islands and I thought, hawaii loves this song. Then in this haven that’s like heaven, the house band does a cover. Cruisin…
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I think I just found my demographic.
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Pretty little mindfucker
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This guy just grabbed my arm pit trying to test my boundaries and I call him out. An elf comes to my rescue. And Better Than Ezra’s Good in the background. Love that song.
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Waikiki Sandbox. Had a beer with santa and elf. You sit on a thrown of lies. First Lump. Then Zombie. 90’s like home
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If you have a black mama. If you have a black mama who cooks soul food. If your black mama cooks me soul food on a sunday even though I didn’t go to church.
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