Echo

The Missed Connections sections is the best. It’s like psychic people watching. You read their correspondences and you can almost see their lives and their minds, as well as their hopes and urges and fears.

Some people have been asking lately, who reads my blog. To be honest, I have no idea. Only a handful of close friends and a few acquaintances know about it. I guess the rest is comprised of strangers. It’s kind of nice to get a random comment though. I really like visiting other people’s sites who see the world in a similar way. Anyway, I just write this thing because it’s therapeutic for me and it keeps me going with the creativity in my other projects. I write this thing for me and not for other people, but if you happen to like reading it, I really appreciate it.

Um…lost train of thought…anyway (can you guys tell what state I’m in?) … in honor of Craig’s List, and the drive people have to put personal messages in a public forum where someone may or may not see them, here are little cryptic messages to the people in my life.

* You’re my angel. I was a shithead for being so mean to you for so many years, but you taught me, more than anyone about what it means to love unconditionally. You always stood up for me and I never stood up for you. Because I hated you. And I wanted you to feel pain. And for that, no apology will ever be grand enough for what I have done. Somedays I wish you would look me in the eye and connect, just for a moment, and tell me that you truly forgive me, or hate me, or love me, or anything. Just one moment of a connection so that I know that you really UNDERSTAND. I love you more than I’ll ever find the ways to express.

*Why wouldn’t you just explain things to me? Why were you so goddam mean? I just wanted someone who would explain things to me and instead, you scared the shit out of me.

*Your smile lit up my day. But I’m afraid because you’re so much smarter than me.

*Buttercup, dear, what would Subject A do if Subject B & C & D stopped flashing their overaged titties and realized that Subject A is a total flaming closet case?

*Be good in Hawaii. I got your message about being hit on by men who were a disgusting cross between Roman Polanski and Donald Trump. Damn. Hook me UP!
I miss you so much.

*The Master plan. You know I think the world of you. But let’s take it slowly with the Master Plan.

*I’m so proud of your new job. I really hope this one makes you a lot happier. It sounds like a really positive move and I’m so glad, because I really wish you had more good things in your life.

*Girl, you crack me up. You’ve a lot of friends. And we all love you. Why don’t you ever call me?

*Dude, don’t even power trip. You know what you want. Who’s the one who’s afraid?

*I know you’re scared and trying to not deal with it. But another kid is a scary thing. Find that strength inside you. You’ll be okay.

*Remember that dream that I told you I had about you? I’m worried sometimes. Let me know that you’re okay because I’m afraid to ask.

*I know what you’ve said. I can’t believe how you can lie to yourself about so much. And to disrespect me along with yourself by saying those things. I really can’t believe you. I have lost all respect for you. I would cut off your hand before I give you mine.

*Bitch, I ain’t even talkin’ to you.

*Yeah, I would like to meet up with you in Italy this summer. I don’t know why I’m so bad at corresponding with you. I think it’s because talking to you makes me happy, and I’m not ready yet to be a happy person.

*I’m in love with you. And I don’t really want to do anything about it. I just like that it’s there, and I like that you’re there, and it makes me think, what a beautiful world it is.

*I went by your place tonight on my way home. Don’t like that I can’t contact you. I was mad when I left but I had no idea where you were coming from. I wish I had left a number.

*Hmmmm. Really think you’re creepy.

*He signed the letter, ps–I’m not gay. I think that’s REALLY funny.

*You’re married but I know you’ve thought about it. It doesn’t bother me.

*I miss you. I’m sorry I didn’t go visit you when you were in the hospital. I was scared. And I know you were disappointed. I was just so scared of saying goodbye. And now I say goodbye to you every night.

*What you did, cut me down to my soul. And did you know, I still loved you for months afterwards? How much sense needed to be talked into me for me to walk away? I would have come back and taken it, too. Because you really spun it. But I really don’t think about you much. I managed to place other assholes in the way so I won’t have to think about you.

*I can’t believe you guys lied to me. I’m terrified of running into you on the street. Because I’m really angry.

*You are one of the most amazing people on earth. You are seriously an enlightened soul and got me through such a rough time. I wish you would just admit how incredible you are. You’re going to be famous one day. You have the skill of touching other people. And I don’t mean that in a weird child-molesting kind of way. I guess it kind of sounded like that.

*What the hell, man? Why didn’t you tell me you had a girlfriend? I wouldn’t have done what I did. Because that just ain’t right.

Let me ask you…