Final Thoughts of March 16th:
The Different Flavors of Sex
(or, the night I got frustrated with work, had ONE beer and became Dr. Ruth)
Have you ever put your fingertips together, closed your eyes and then focused on what it feels like for one hand to be touching the other, and then for the other hand to be touching the first? It’s an interesting experiment in perspective and sensation. I think in a way, this is what it’s about when people say that you’re really in touch with your body. To understand what it feels like to experience yourself from within your body, and then try to experience yourself from without. Dancers are really in tune to their bodies; they understand the connection between the body and the soul and feel completely comfortable existing within the balance of these two. I bet for great sensual sex, for both men and women, go for a dancer. No guarantee on personality and all the other usual criteria, but I would put my money down on great sensual sex. The kind that gets you really in touch with, and really comfortable in your own body.
For physical experimentation, go with mutually drunk, uninhibited sex, (not to offend anyone but being honest here), best with a stranger. If you know this person as a person, then on some level, you’ll worry about what they think and performance and other engrained psycho-social constructs; then your intellect will inhibit your ability to gain the full experience. This kind of sex, without inhibitions, allows you to fully experience the capabilities of the human body and the ways in which it can perceive pleasure. Yes. Raw, raunchy fucking. Doesn’t have to be drunk, but it has to be absolutely uninhibited, which is hard to do sober. It’s AWESOME when you’re starting out to really get in touch with your body. You figure out a lot. The favorite of more immature sexual explorers who are still discovering their bodies. It’s one that sexual-developmentally, everyone probably has to experience on the road to development. But some people get stuck in this stage and are too afraid to move on. They’re really missing out on full sexual exploration.
Emotionally-naked sex, of which “make-up sex” makes up a large part of the category, is had when both partners are suddenly absolutely emotionally vulnerable. I say “suddenly,” because complete emotional openness is very hard to mutually maintain. This is why this moment usually occurs right after a fight and a make-up that causes defensive walls to crumble. When people have sex when they are both completely emotionally-naked, just as with the ultimate in sensual sex, you will be able to perceive something physically as well as simultaneously perceive yourself perceiving it. But your emotions will do the same and suddenly, it will feel like your consciousness and mind and everything from which you perceive the external world have merged and there are no boundaries between yourself, your partner and the universe. This is the spiritual basis of tantric sex. It’s amazing.
And then I got tired of talking about sex……..I’m tired now.
Well, these are three kinds of sex. All are worth having at some point in your life, whether with the same partner or different partners. Optimally, you don’t have to have the same kind and you can vary. I, personally, would prefer to find a partner who is capable of all three and is as intuitive as I am about letting the Moment dictate what kind of connection it’ll be. Otherwise, I’ll have to find different experiences in different people, and I’ll never settle down if I know there’s something out there that I want but I’ll be restricted from getting. I think it’s important for people to be able to explore sex, as they learn more about EXPERIENCE and connection and life, especially within themselves. I wouldn’t mind exploring with the same partner, but I really think the partner needs to be intuitive about reading the moment and not be afraid to really explore. And I haven’t met anyone like that yet.
I think I’ve come to admit that sex is really important to me. It’s not so much because of the physical pleasure, as it is the connection with a person, the universe and life and living. And the growth and wisdom as a person that you end up gaining because of the connection through the experience.
Have you ever observed people who are virgins? Some you can just tell. And you know how you can always tell after someone has had sex? They change in a way. They become older. Something in them opens and makes their energy a little heavier, in the way wise old men feel heavy. I think sex is a good thing. We have to be responsible about it, and approach it with the right mindset and attitude, but sex as how it should be (without the psychological pathology) is a really good, healthy thing, and I honestly think that withholding sex from yourself is bad for your being.