I’m sure y’all will find this as helpful (hilarious) as I did.
Sex Tips For Virgins (by an Anonymous poster on Craig’s List):
To answer this “virgin’s” questions…
Q) Is it necessary to use a condom with someone you know is clean?
A) Yes. Sexually transmitted diseases are only one concern when engaging in sexual activities. There’s also this little thing called pregnancy.
Q) Is sex without a condom the same as sex with one?
A) No. Sex with a condom involves a thin latex membrane. I’m not sure if it feels much different for the woman, but it does dull some of the sensory pleasure for the man.
Q) Is it okay to swallow?
A) The condom? No, that is not advisable. Like bubble gum, it will stay in your intestines for 14 years. As for semen, yes, it is safe to swallow, though the taste may be unpleasant to some — and can vary depending upon what the shooter has eaten recently.
Q) Is it okay to have anal sex without a condom?
A) Well, the good news is that you won’t have to worry about pregnancy. However, anal sex without a condom does put both partners at risk for sexually transmitted diseases. If you do use a condom, make sure that you use a non-petroleum based lubricant like KY Jelly. Otherwise, the condom may break. On the bright side, having to fish a torn condom out of your butt will surely bring you closer together as a couple.
Q) How can I make it safe to meet men online?
A) For starters, don’t advertise the fact that you are a virgin and somewhat naive when it comes to sex. This tends to attract the predatory types. They are rarely safe. When it comes to losing your virginity, you might be better served by sleeping with a good friend than someone you meet online, particularly here at Craigslist.
Of course, if you want me to come over and pump your ass bareback before blowing my load in the back of your throat, then that’s a different story.