While the Cat Was Away…
While Brian was away, I:
-spent the entire weekend walking around in my bra, basking in air conditioning.
-watched documentaries about child molestors
-stared at my reflection in the oven for an hour
-sang 80s songs loud enough for Bitch Downstairs Anna to hear.
-played guitar for hours on end.
-wrote a song. Called my mom to play it for her and she said, “That’s nice. Now back to me…”
-worried about being stalked
-gave Peyote a lesson in sex ed. I used a textbook about humans though, because I don’t know what turtle sex is supposed to be like.
-wanted to go to 7-11 but thought that was too far of a drive.
-Thought about making a booty call to a male friend who’s into Jesus. Thought that was too sick of a sick joke.
-Thought about booty calling Reggie, a very cute actor. But he’s probably mad at me because I never call him back.
-Thought about how silly it is that I’m thinking about making booty calls when I obviously don’t have the guts.
-Went to the Tar Pits. Walked through the museum. There are these pump things that simulate what it’s like to be stuck in tar. I thought, this would be a great workout for your arms. Rolled down the grassy knoll outside. Listened to the folk musician standing outside. Some song about a “cigarette pie.”
-Went to a bbq at Whitney’s. Made a lot of sausage jokes.
-basically, BEHAVED myself.
(thank you)