Today my outdoorsy coworker was wearing a shirt with some adventure-whatever emblem on it. Like one of those shirts you earn for joining mountain-climbing competitions or something. So I asked him, “Did you earn your shirt?” And my black coworker Eddie said, “What’d you say?” All offended. And then he said, “Oooooh. I thought you were saying, ‘Did you IRON your shirt. But were trying to be black.” (iron becoming “earn” like scared becomes “scurred.”)
Threesome, anyone?
Is it bad that I want to upend my desk and start smacking people today? I’ve been really irritable at work all week. Just people being stupid and saying the wrong things and then asking me why I did exactly what they told me to do. If you want something “today,” then you probably shouldn’t keep using the word “tomorrow?” Just a thought?
I have had over 6 conversations about threesomes in the last two weeks.
1. Asked Colin and Martin to have a threesome with me.
2. Coworker explained his marriage arrangement: His wife can’t sleep with other men. But she can sleep with other women. And she can watch him sleep with other women, or they arrange to have threesomes and she gets to pick the girl.
3. The subject came up in a conversation with a friend. I said I wouldn’t have a threesome with another girl. I’m too sexually possessive. But maybe with two guys.
4. Days later, admitted to almost having a threesome in Seattle. (Oh, the details I leave out of my blog sometimes!)
5. A day later, the subject came up again with previous friend. In conversation, joked…okay, maybe I’d have a threesome if she was the other girl. (Prayed this subject never comes up again).
6. Hours later, met a guy at a party. Asked him, “So what’s your deal? Are you single or what?” He said he wasn’t single but his girlfriend was bi. He asked for my number. I asked, what for? You looking for a threesome? He said yes. I said, I’m not into that. He said, well, give me your number anyway, in case things don’t work out with her. (Ew)
So this is how the eclipse on Oct 13th affected THIS gemini. Apparently we swing between being asexual and bi. Or multi-amorous. Yeah, more is better.
I just got some deep green, 500 count Sateen sheets for my bed (California King). They’re soooo soft. I’m totally ready to hibernate.
October 13th. Good luck everyone….
If it doesn’t get you, watch out for October 25-26th.
From Newsweek:
“I don’t like flings. I also don’t believe in marrying more than one woman at a time.”
-Kamaruddin Mohammed, 72, of Malaysia, in an interview with the New Strait Times newspaper. He has married 53 times since 1957, and recently remarried his first wife.
(Seriously. Here’s an example of marriage as a technicality. Why can’t we just admit that relationships and partnerships come in many different shapes and forms and arrangements and just let people do what they want with their own lives? This guy is making a joke out of marriage. And meanwhile, same-sex marriages still aren’t legally recognized? Fuck you guys).
Just because I had two glasses of wine at dinner and asked Colin and Martin to have a threesome with me, doesn’t make me a drunk ho.
Listen Up Kids! This is how ADULTS play with their new toys…
So I’ve been on a mission in the last few weeks to replace the light switches in my place with dimmers because the lighting (as Brian puts it) is “fuckin’ surgical.” I went out and bought a bunch of dimmers from a lighting supplier, and after somewhat of an ordeal, we finally installed them today. We celebrated by spending time in my bedroom, giddily playing with the dimmer, trying to figure out the perfect position of the switch for optimal Sex Lighting. With gradations, of course, for the variations (more light if there is a video camera running, less light if you’re feeling fat).
10/7 Recap
I have a NEEDLE in my butt cheek.
Today’s mood: I think it’s time to cheer up. I’ve been spending too much time, staring at the moon.
I’ve Got Doctor’s Orders to Stimulate Myself!
I went to my chiro today and we’re running out of treatment options for my back. So she says:
“I’m going to put something called an Accu-aid on you. It’s like a bandaid with a small needle in the middle that I’m going to put on a trigger point, and then throughout the day, you have to reach back there and stimulate yourself.”
OH.
MY.
GOD.
“Reach back there and stimulate yourself.” ??????????
My head nearly exploded. So I was trying to be an adult and hold in my hysteria but about 30 seconds later, I burst out laughing and couldn’t stop. I had tears. I felt terrible because I was convulsing with laughter and she couldn’t treat me so she took this time to get some tape outside while I went through my giggle fit. I settled down but about 5 minutes later, I heard her say it again in my head and started cracking up again. This is the same doctor who asked me if I do coke or have raucous sex because she couldn’t understand why my body wasn’t holding the adjustments.
Jordan Rosenberg has luscious eyelashes. :)
Que Sera Sera
Today is Rie’s birthday. I called her and found her at home. I was VERY concerned as to why she answered my call and wasn’t getting laid (I come from the school of thought that EVERYONE should get laid on their birthdays. And that I should get laid on my birthday as well as everyone else’s. But that’s fodder for another post). Her fiance is an ER resident and was working late tonight so she spent her birthday going to a yoga class and then hanging out at home. If I had known she wouldn’t have plans, I would have sent her a plane ticket so she could come out here for dinner and a titty bar. I love that girl. I miss her so much.
I emailed Ethan today because I missed him too. Today was all about that midwest love. He’s great. Hearing from him just makes me happy.
I had an uplifting day today, for reasons left unspecified. I was in a really good mood. I think sometimes, you just have to let things be. Life lessons…do we really become wiser? How do we know when we’re being taught a lesson and when we’re being rewarded? Or when our lesson is to let go and walk away and when our lesson is to open up and trust? Why has it gotten to the point that I can’t be open anymore on this blog about the things that weigh the heaviest on me? Or can I? Am I really that courageous of a person?
I am in the hardest emotional situation I’ve ever been in. And I’m going to stop fighting it and let whatever is meant to be, just be. Is it possible the universe will give me Oct 13th? Just for once…can’t it find it in its heart to cut me a break? Haven’t I shown it that I have learned how to let go? That I can understand the lessons extracted from devastation and give back in positivity? That I am a good person? For once, can’t I just keep something in my life that means a lot to me? Honestly, God. Can’t I please just admit to you that I really care about someone without you taking that person away from me?
Dear Universe:
I called your customer service line and the monkey that answered just kept screeching and banging the handset against his desk. I did not find him very helpful. Is there possibly an alternate number I can call? At this point, I would even settle for an automated touchtone system.
Please don’t ask me how I feel. I don’t know how I feel. I only know how I feel in a vacuum.
I went to the gym today and beat 2 guys at HORSE 8 times in a row. On nearly all 3-pointers. I wasn’t fucking around today. I had some intense feelings to outlet.
Fantasy Basketball
It’s that time of year again! Anyone wanna play fantasy basketball with me? The league will be Head 2 Head, 8 team league with a multi-list draft on espn.com. Buy a team and send me an email and I’ll tell you which league is mine. Or email me if you don’t know what to do but want to play and I’ll help you set everything up. Go Warriors!
By the way, fellow Geminis…keep your eye on Oct. 13th. Don’t ask why. Just do. And tell me if anything happens.
Often, when someone is in a relationship they know won’t last, they stay in it because they want to see if someone else will come along first-even though this doesn’t seem fair to the current attachment. If this sounds like you, you need to leave, create a space, take a deep breath, meditate about the old relationship to pinpoint what went wrong and only then move forward. Not to live life that way is a little like living in a world without periods at the end of sentences. All the sentences run together in one long jumble and you never know where a thought begins or ends.
-Susan Miller
This isn’t me. I write short sentences that emphasize the PERIODS. But I thought this was a nice way to look at this phenomenon…a world without periods at the end of sentences. I hate people who do that. Relationship hop. And not end sentences.
Just a heads up, everyone. This blog may be going private soon. There are some undesirables reading this site.
I can’t decide if passionate swept-off-your-feet kind of love is healthy or not. As much as it makes me feel fully alive, it makes me feel pretty wrenched up inside.