Getting your heart broken is like an exercise that builds up your soul. Each time you manage to find the courage to rise again after emotional collapse, your ability to love in the face of fears gets stronger and stronger. It’s a necessary thing. Each time, you’re tested to see if not being able to hold onto something precious will destroy you. And each time that you are able to stand up, you gain further proof for your faith that love is the source of all strength.

October 15th, 2004 | Comments Off on

Brian is “not upset” but upset at the fact that at the Rock the Vote party last night, I gave the roommate of someone he works with in the industry my phone number so that he could call me and try to talk me into having a threesome. He believes this behavior was socially inappropriate.

We were at a party where Pauly Shore was standing next to us saying “…just pop some Viagra and you’ll have a great time,” Ryan Seacrest and his enormously tiny head was the big “celebrity draw,” and the hot topic of mass simultaneous conversations was whose asses each and every different person would consider grabbing…and somehow, MY behavior stood out as socially inappropriate.

One word:

Bitch please.

(Is it bad that I treat life like a joke sometimes and just do things for the sake of the funny stories they’d make?)

October 15th, 2004 | Comments Off on

Beautiful Memories Of…

Person Who Shat In the Shower

Ah yes. When we look into that dark, murky well of our past, we’ll occasionally glimpse a reflection of some long, forgotten life experience that catches us off guard, surprising us that we had ever forgotten it at all.

I was talking to a friend today and mentioned that I refuse to shower in public gym showers. I never really thought about why I won’t, and I suddenly remembered today.

When I was 16, I worked as a locker room attendent at an upscale gym. The place catered to a wealthy clientele, and stressed presentation, cleanliness and luxury. I was in charge of everything meeting company standards in the locker room. My first week on the job, I was dismayed to find that people would leave soiled diapers and used maxipads and tampons in the showers. I had to dutifully expose of them, but I managed to do this task with the aid of thick pairs of gloves and a lot of mental detachment. But nothing prepared me for the mysterious PERSON WHO SHAT IN THE SHOWER. Yes, there was someone, either a woman or a man passing himself off as a woman, who was shitting in the showers. I mean, not just an accidental nug or a pile of dump. I mean, they were giving themselves enemas or something, because it would be sprayed all over the walls. And I would have to clean that shit up!

So I plugged on with that job because I wanted to teach myself humility, and because it didn’t feel right for me to refuse responsibility just because I didn’t want to do something that no one would want to do. So I cleaned up dirty diapers and tampons and buckshotted shit, until thankfully, the shitter, after going to task about 2-3 times a week, began limiting her activities to the occasional monthly splat. Sometimes I wondered if the culprit was someone who worked for my parents, who hated all the status and power they had achieved, who avenged justice by crapping in the showers. Messing with me to get to my parents. Yes…hatred from jealousy can bring out some ugly things in people. And that is such a sad, sad thought.

So in conclusion, seriously yo, don’t shower in public showers.

October 15th, 2004 | Comments Off on

Today my outdoorsy coworker was wearing a shirt with some adventure-whatever emblem on it. Like one of those shirts you earn for joining mountain-climbing competitions or something. So I asked him, “Did you earn your shirt?” And my black coworker Eddie said, “What’d you say?” All offended. And then he said, “Oooooh. I thought you were saying, ‘Did you IRON your shirt. But were trying to be black.” (iron becoming “earn” like scared becomes “scurred.”)

October 15th, 2004 | Comments Off on

Threesome, anyone?

Is it bad that I want to upend my desk and start smacking people today? I’ve been really irritable at work all week. Just people being stupid and saying the wrong things and then asking me why I did exactly what they told me to do. If you want something “today,” then you probably shouldn’t keep using the word “tomorrow?” Just a thought?

I have had over 6 conversations about threesomes in the last two weeks.

1. Asked Colin and Martin to have a threesome with me.
2. Coworker explained his marriage arrangement: His wife can’t sleep with other men. But she can sleep with other women. And she can watch him sleep with other women, or they arrange to have threesomes and she gets to pick the girl.
3. The subject came up in a conversation with a friend. I said I wouldn’t have a threesome with another girl. I’m too sexually possessive. But maybe with two guys.
4. Days later, admitted to almost having a threesome in Seattle. (Oh, the details I leave out of my blog sometimes!)
5. A day later, the subject came up again with previous friend. In conversation, joked…okay, maybe I’d have a threesome if she was the other girl. (Prayed this subject never comes up again).
6. Hours later, met a guy at a party. Asked him, “So what’s your deal? Are you single or what?” He said he wasn’t single but his girlfriend was bi. He asked for my number. I asked, what for? You looking for a threesome? He said yes. I said, I’m not into that. He said, well, give me your number anyway, in case things don’t work out with her. (Ew)

So this is how the eclipse on Oct 13th affected THIS gemini. Apparently we swing between being asexual and bi. Or multi-amorous. Yeah, more is better.

October 15th, 2004 | Comments Off on