Echo

We’re getting ready to go out now. Haven’t been to a bar with these kids in a very long time. I cleaned up my bedroom and made my bed. Hmmm. This hasn’t happened in a while. Something’s going on with me.

So this is how it went down.

I’m in the kitchen, vehemously scrubbing the dishes with soap and a sponge like an obsessive-compulsive, opting not to use the dishwasher because I was awashed by my hardworking-Asian-in-the-fields ancestor roots and wanted to work with my hands. There’s a joy and naturalness to doing something that takes great manual effort. I was also very high.

Lauren is listening to her phone messages when she turns around and says, “Some brother…just left me a message saying, ‘So this is how it’s gonna go down bitch. You haven’t called me back.’ I think it’s this guy I met a long, long time ago.”

So she’s a little bit rattled and I’m telling her that guy sounds insane, especially if he’s been harboring anger at you for not calling him for this long of a time. Because it means he sat there and stewed about it obsessively. And I’m starting to freak out for her.

She wants me to listen to the message. I’m thinking I’m about to listen to a message from someone unstable enough to be a bona fide psychopath; she puts the phone to my ear and indeed, I hear a man say, “So this is how this is gonna go down bitch. You haven’t called me back.” Then pathetically, “So call me…bye…”

I started cracking up and said, “Lauren, that was a gay man. That brother’s gay.”

“So this is how this is gonna go down bitch“?

Honestly, he sounded like some girl trying to start a catfight.

So now Lauren’s a little embarrassed because we’re about to make fun of her because some guy who’s OBVIOUSLY gay but in complete self-denial was pissed at her for not calling him.

I say we need Brian’s opinion for verification. He’ll know if the guy’s gay.

Brian listens to the message and then starts cracking up, throwing the phone back to her. “That’s Colin.”

Remember Colin and his raging boots from a few posts ago? Dude, he’s most definitely some beautiful-black-but-psychotic stalker. I was totally freaking out that Lauren was being stalked by a maniac.

This guy is FUNNY.

My favorite part of this article…

The girl likes to have her hair done and have nice clothes and always look good. And she also always like to smoke but she NEVER has any herbs of her own to bring over so that I can smoke with her. She doesn’t have herbs, blunts, liquor, a car, her own place, nor does she have any money. So that means that I have to provide everything…But I didn’t have any money on me and I had run out of blunts so we needed to go to the store to get a blunt. I told her that I didn’t have money in my wallet but I had the herbs and the drink at home and all I needed from her was SIXTY CENTS to go buy a blunt from the store. Can you believe that this bitch didn’t even have SIXTY FUCKING CENTS in her pocket? She gave me like 35 cents in dimes and nickles and I was able to scrape up the rest of the change from the floor of my car. So between both of us, we were barely able to scrape up 60 cents for a blunt. While we were still in the car, I thought to myself, “Why the fuck am I with a female that doesn’t even have sixty cents in her pocket”? But this night, it didn’t matter. We got to the house and I rolled the blunt, we smoked it, and then we went upstairs and she sucked me off swell. But because she didn’t even have 60 cents, I was kind of offended when she asked me to suck her titties first. How the fuck are you gonna ask me to suck your titties when you don’t even have SIXTY FUCKING CENTS to your name?