Okay, Fine.

Then what signs would be good for me to date? Or for anyone? Boys, make your arguments. Girls, make your accusations.

I am a Gemini.

Pros:

–a great date/honeymoon-periodist. I’ll make things fun and exciting and adore you and you’ll be amazed by my uncanny ability to seem to be the perfect girlfriend because I’ve anticipated all of your desires of who you want me to be. Until I realize, I want to play a different character now, get bored at exactly 3 months in and just leave.

–Endless stories and anecdotes, will always make you laugh

–your friends and family will love me

–caring, compassionate, anticipating your needs

–brilliant; know a little about everything, everything about nothing.

–will talk about sports with you and your buddies over beers and will play sports

–all disagreements are fought out in the open; no subversive manipulation

–takes a lot for me to get mad; when I get mad, everyone within a mile will hear it, but then it’s gone and I don’t hold grudges.

–open minded and like to explore new things

–like to teach people new things

–spiritual and understanding

–very affectionate

–very nice; if I like you, I’ll do a lot of nice things for you.

–never boring

–will keep you on your toes

–really, really into sex

Cons:

–suddenly not into sex anymore and expect you to respect that unless you want to be called a rapist. just testing you.

–lightning mood changes

–contradicting moods, ideas, personalities

–practitioner of the “technical truth.” Everything out of my mouth is technically and elementally true, even if the overall picture is not exactly true. If you want to get an overall truth, you’re responsible for asking the right questions.

–very elusive.

–must keep me interested. Bored easily.

–Must have the moral fiber of a saint. Once I lose respect for you, I hate you.

–only want to be with someone who excels in his field, is successful at something I’m not, or can teach me new things. Geminis are like children. We want to look up to someone. Ideally, we want a mutual admiration society.

–looking for a soulmate (we have many). I don’t care how cool you are, how funny you are, how hot you are. If there isn’t something else, something I can’t define but recognize whenever I encounter it, we’ll just be friends. Very very picky.

–will test and provoke you to figure out who you are by your reactions. I don’t care what you tell me about yourself. That’s just propaganda. I want to see for myself.

–have own personal logic. you’ll love it or hate it.

–impulsive; everything happens quickly. If I’m going the wrong way, at least I’m going the wrong way really, really fast.

–over-intellectualize. Everything is worked out through reasoning, even feelings.

–distrusting. You’ll have to jump through a huge number of hoops before I trust your intentions.

–will hold grudges if the relationship isn’t open and doesn’t have good communication so that I’m not able to express the things I’m unhappy about.

–detached. You’ll have lots of freedom. Lots and lots and lots. Sometimes you’ll wonder if it’s because I think of you as more of a friend or don’t really care. But if you try to test my level of feeling by threatening to break up, I’ll let you leave because now I don’t trust to let you know how I feel anymore because you threatened to break up. You’ll usually have to be the one to show your cards first. Emotionally, I’m a total coward.

–Highly protective and sensitive about personal freedom but want to know that you’re committed. If I feel you’re not committed, I won’t say anything, but will just get flightier and more detached.

–mysterious. There are parts of me that aren’t even open to me, let alone other people.

Overall: Geminis (or this one at least) are highly complicated, inconsistent and a lot of work but are a lot of fun. Only for those who enjoy challenges.

There it is, take it or leave it.

Thus, good Aries are the ones I found so far that are willing to put up with the mental Olympics, are too straightforward to notice the games used for testing them, are open and warm enough to earn my trust (after a while), and are determined enough to stick around. They are turned on by challenges and have the energy to deal with me, while their openness and general distaste for subversive manipulation and backstabbing reduces my neurotic behaviors. And they’re often funny and successful, which earns my respect.

Bad Aries are arrogant dicks and I don’t like them.

Here is my approximate dating history:

Aries: 1
Taurus: 0
Gemini: 4
Cancer: 1
Leo: 5
Virgo: 3
Libra: 4
Scorpio: 3
Sagittarius: 0
Capricorn: 2
Aquarius: 3
Pisces: 3

A Leo’s probably good for me too, since it seems I’m drawn to them.

Here is obviously my current state today:

Too much time on my hands.

Things that Made Me Want to Punch Through a Wall Bright and Early

Bush spends $40 million on his inauguration party. Quick, math whizzes…how much armor could $40 million buy for our troops who are living day to day in a dangerous hellhole?

Howard Dean would have had the party at his house with his mom serving homemade turkey sandwiches. I’m not advocating How-De, but $40 million? Is Bush purposely spitting in the faces of our troops and cackling as he runs away with his face smeared with cake?

Fuck you, Bush. FUCK YOU. You’re lucky this isn’t France.

***

Some Christian fanatics need to realize that THEY are the very ones that we’re trying to protect the world from.

Christian groups however have taken exception to the tolerance pledge on the foundation’s Web site, which asks people to respect the sexual identity of others along with their abilities, beliefs, culture and race.

“Their inclusion of the reference to ‘sexual identity” within their ‘tolerance pledge’ is not only unnecessary, but it crosses a moral line,” James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, said in a statement released Thursday.

Hey James, remember when the law told your grandaddy he couldn’t hang “coloreds” from trees anymore because they were now considered “human beings?” That was a terrible day, wasn’t it? Thank God you can still go after the gays to make your nuts feel big.

It astounds me how people can be so small-minded, intolerant and self-righteous. It’s funny how the Bible says that God is love and to be one with God is to love all people. It’s funnier how these idiot fanatics have taken the liberty to interpret that as, to walk with God means we’re better than everyone else, especially those who don’t think, act or look like us. Save it, you assholes. Built yourselves a fucking ark and ship off somewhere if you don’t like the way the world is evolving. I hear Sri Lanka’s nice this time of year. And don’t even fucking tell me that those people perished because they were heathens. If celebrating life and spirituality in a different way is a sin, then what the hell is malice? If Hell exists, I’m sure Someone has a special place for you guys. You forgot…God loves irony. Just keep talking.

Here is one of my favorite scenes from Six Feet Under. They’ve just buried a gay man who was beaten to death by ignorant hicks. Nearby, Christians are protesting the funeral. David, is a gay man who hasn’t completely come to terms with his orientation yet. If you’ve never seen this episode, check it out, if only for this magnificent scene.

Scene One: Cemetery, Marc’s Funeral, daytime

The service is filled with friends and family. PAUL looks at the coffin, mournfully, and throws dirt on top. We see MARC’s parents crying. His mother looks up to see a group of protestors standing nearby the service. They carry signs spewing such words of hate as “No Fags in Heaven,” “Homos in Hell,” “God’s Wrath on Fags Gen. 19:1-26,” and “Fag=Anal Sex=[a picture of skull and crossbones].” KEITH patrols around the group. Meanwhile, DAVID, NATE, and FEDERICO stand together. DAVID looks at the signs, sickened. He looks up to see MARC’s ghost, still bloodied and scarred, sitting on a nearby gravestone, taunting him.

Scene Two: Cemetery, after the service

NATE, DAVID, and FEDERICO escort MARC’s parents away from the service. As they walk by, protestors start shouting hateful words at that.

Protestor #1: The Bible says your son’s burning in Hell!
Protestor #2: That’s right!
Protestor #1: God hates Fags!
Nate: (yells back) God hates morons!
Protestor #1: The wages of sin is death and AIDS!
Protestor #2: Amen!

Suddenly, DAVID, overwhelmed with anger, rushes at PROTESTOR #1. KEITH holds him back.

David: You leave these people alone or God help me!
Protestor #1: It’s my right to be here.
Protestor #2: Yeah, this is America!
Protestor #1: It’s my right to tell the truth! God killed Marc Foster, and I’m here to celebrate.

DAVID gets out of KEITH’s grasp, and punches the man hard in the stomach. PROTESTOR #1 falls down. KEITH pulls DAVID back.

Keith: David!
David: God just shoved your stomach into your lungs, and I’m here to celebrate!

KEITH pulls DAVID away, but he gets out of his grip again. He punches the man a second time, this time in the face.

David: Look, God just got you in the face!

KEITH pulls him away again.

Keith: What the hell is wrong with you?

DAVID walks away.

Protestor #1: (hand on his face) He started it.
Keith: Are you alright, sir?
Protestor #1: That man oughtta be arrested!
Keith: Listen, we’ll take care of it. Just watch yourself.
Protestor #1: I demand that man be arrested!

KEITH grabs the man roughly, hurting him.

Keith: (furious) This is a funeral! Show some respect!