Echo

And so begins…

Remember what I said about packing well?

I take that back.

I left:

-Sunglasses
-Sunblock
-hairbrush
-watch
-my entire toiletry bag.

I realized all of these things collectively as I was about to go through the security check at LAX. Felt so much like an idiot, I froze, so the woman behind me went ahead of me. I was at the airport 2 hours before my flight so I probably could have ran home and gotten everything, but I didn’t want to chance compounding one mistake with a bigger one (missing my flight). Rie happened to call so I told her. I was feeling pretty miserable, but then I realized that if I dwell on it, I’ll create other mistakes so I took some time to meditate on it about how it’s okay, I can buy everything at Duty Free or when I get to Germany and imagined the rest of my trip going without a hitch. Rie had a good point though. This isn’t the first time I’ve forgotten specifically these items and I have multiples of everything at home. I should create a separate kit for travel so I can just pack everything the night before. The reason I forget some of these things is because they’re the last items I put into my suitcase.

Flew into SF and then on to Frankfurt. Watched Juno and most of Martian Child on the plane. Liked both movies a lot since they dealt with some themes that I’m thinking about right now–are there really connections that can last a lifetime (Juno), and sometimes I feel like I’m from another planet (MC). Slept for most of the flight and read a little from The Memory Keeper’s Daughter.

Arrived at Frankfurt. There was an extra bounce in my step. Cruised every cute guy walking by. The boys are cute here! Got through customs without a hitch and then I was free. Had to catch a train to the Frankfurt Main station and with the help of a very friendly stewardess, made it there without incident. Frankfurt Main is insane. It’s the train hub for Germany, but the craziest thing to me was this group of about 100 teenage boys, all wearing black, on the way to some sort of outing. They were clustered around these stores that sold beer, and were all holding 40-sized beers while carrying beer in plastic bags with cases at their feet. Keep in mind, it was 10:30 in the morning, but they were well on their way towards inebriation. I’ve never seen so much beer at 10:30 in the morning. I wish I had taken a picture.

I walked the 2 km to my hotel which is across from the center of the city. The place is very SF, and I was staying in the main tourist/shopping district. I passed the red light district (not impressive in the day time), about 4 Chinese restaurants, and about 7 athletic wear stores. I checked in then headed out. Headed to old town Frankfurt and saw city hall, some cathedrals, and a street lined with houses that were redesigned by famous architects from around the world post-WWII as a challenge to see what they could do with similar-sized structures. My favorite was this “upside down” house (pics to come. I forgot my card reader).

Headed across the river and encountered a huge flea market. Was disappointed to find that other people’s junk in Europe looks just like other people’s junk back home. Wanted a Neil Diamond record for shits & giggles but had the good sense not to buy it. I did buy this sausage. It was about 12 inches + and they serve it in this “bun” that was more like a dinner roll no longer than 4 inches. It felt kind of obscene being a single girl walking around eating a massive porn sausage. I couldn’t handle it (too much salty meat and grease) so I got a donar dolum, which is like a shawarma wrap but Turkish and with chicken. That was really good. Cost 4 euros, which is about $6. Damn you Bush. Look what you did to our money. Walked around (there are multiple bakeries and kaffe shops on each block, and the biggest pretzels you’ve ever seen), then stopped by a pub called Adolf Wagner for an Apfelwein (apple wine). It’s basically apple cider with the alcohol content similar to beer. It tastes like cider but with a weird watery aftertaste, like someone peed in your cider. But after a while, you don’t notice.

Took the train home (another German girl was very nice to help me because I was staring at the map blankly for a very long time), then fell asleep dreaming of going to a store and buying all the toiletries I needed. Woke up to realize I actually had to do it. Went out again just as it was getting dark. Everyone is so polite during the day, but flirtier/friendlier as dark falls. Seriously, the guys are cute out here. Oh my goodness. Not aggressive and predatory like Italians or leery like the French, but just open and friendly. You smile at them, and it opens them up and they give you the warmest smiles back. And they love their house/techno.

There are homeless people here, including schizophrenics. It’s very 3rd Street Promenade in a way, except when they’re talking to these people only they can see, they’re doing it in German. I usually like listening to these types of people and wondering what they’re talking about and who it is they’re seeing, but my 6 words/phrases of German did not help me translate.

Saw a cute little kid wearing an eyepatch. I started laughing. I’ve got this friend who plays basketball and will lose his contact sometimes. He’ll put it back in and keep playing, but inside, I kind of freak out because I’m afraid he’ll go blind since the floor is so dirty. I threw out most of my contact stuff since I got Lasik, but I looked around my house anyway to see if I had solution I could keep on hand but all I could find was overnight cleaner. If he doesn’t start bringing solution to the gym, he’s gonna get married in an eyepatch like a pirate!

Listened to some Peruvian street musicians playing, what are they called…wind flutes? My dad loves this type of music so I took a picture. I like the music too. I’m really drawn to any music that heavily uses minor keys. I like the emotions that those keys touch in me, my inner moody introvert.I’m still contemplating if I want to go out tonight. I’ve gotta get up early to take the train to Bacharach, which is off the Rhine. From what I read in the guidebook, it’s a cute little town where you can rent a bike to ride along the river and visit medieval castles.

It hasn’t been the most exciting day so far, but it’s been pleasant, a day of adjustment. I haven’t really talked to anyone though, outside of the handsome gentleman at the front desk of my hotel who looks like a young Elliott Gould. He tried to tell me I look like this famous woman, very pretty, but he couldn’t think of the name. Is she Asian, I asked. There are only a handful of famous Asian female celebrities. No, he said. I was surprised. I wonder who he’s thinking of.

hahahahahaha….he just came up with it. He says I look like J-Lo. I started cracking up. She’s got a big butt, I said, she’s got a nicer body. You have a nice body, too, he says. haha….he’s so proud of himself so I say thank you, but I don’t really think I look like J-Lo.

More later.

Guten Tag aus Deutschland!

I can’t believe I’m in Germany. This is so surreal because my mindset is exploration mode, but I’m in another country. I’m usually only in other countries with my mom and my brother (ah Michael…it’s already hard being so far away from him. It seems so wrong that I’m in the land of Mercedes and BMW’s without him. But I’ve been taking pictures of cars for him, and promised him I would visit the BMW factory).

So for those who are catching up, this is how it started. I quit my job on Friday, Feb 29th. That night, I was supposed to meet up with Sareet and the gang for DJ Ass & Titties at a club in Silver Lake. I was tired from the emotional strain of leaving my job and having to say goodbye to a family I’ve watched grow for almost 5 years. Plus, I’d already had quite a bit of happy hour tequila with the coworkers, and then gone home and had a good, cathartic cry. So I clean up and head out and am already all the way to Hollywood when I realize, I don’t want to spend all night at an 18 and older club in Silverlake, only having to drive all the way back at 2am. So I turn around. I’m halfway home when I decide I do need to do something to commemorate the day, because it’s the first day of the rest of my life. I figure, I never go to that Venice area, so I headed over.

As I park my car, I see across the street that Circle Bar has a line of about 40 men with no women (they were letting the women go straight in). I thought it would be funny to get in line. So as I’m in line, I meet a short dude who seemed really threatened by me a la Mike from back in the day, and showing immense growth over the last 4 years, I didn’t let him get in my head. I ended up talking to a couple of friendly Germans, and I asked them why they would wait an hour in a line to get into a bar that seemed to be all men. They said that this is where their hotel recommended. So I ended up waiting it out (I had nowhere else to be) because I really was curious if it was all dudes in there. I ended up talking to one of the guys in the bar and then driving him around LA showing him the sights at night while listening to my night mix on my iPod. He was a great guy. Had a lot of soul, had a lot of spirituality, and we were able to communicate on that level despite a language barrier. He said, you can do anything you want right now, be anywhere you want. You’re completely free and you should take advantage of this. He was really excited for me. You should go to Germany next week, he said. Okay, I said.

The thing is, I’ve got ties to Germany and I never understood why. I’ve never told anyone this, but my earliest conscious memories of dreaming involved dreaming of a fantastical factory that created identical blond hair, blue-eyed men (I don’t think it was an ego desire, because from childhood to now, I’ve always been drawn to dark-haired men and not aesthetically interested in blondes). But these dreams were recurring. Of course, when I got older, I realized why I should never, ever, ever tell anyone about these dreams. Once I learned about Nazism and their love of blond-haired, blue-eyed children, I found these childhood recurring dreams a little scary. I also loved photography from Germany, the landscapes and quaint villages, and was obsessed with WWII and what happened to the collective psychology of the German people. I took a German cinema class one summer at Berkeley, and learned the word, Heimat. There’s no English translation for this word, but it means something akin to motherland, the place where you come from. I fell in love with this word.

Was I a German in a past life? I was regressed once and I saw I lived in a cobblestone village. My father was blacksmith but I was an intellectual/academic type, though I was disappointed with my work as I expressed myself conservatively and never wanted to differ from what was academically accepted. I died on that cobblestone street, I just got dizzy and blacked out and that was the end, but my last emotion was one of bitterness at my own weakness. I thought this all took place in Austria but when I prepared for this trip, I learned that Bavaria is smilar to areas in Austria. Perhaps some lingering, overwhelming guilt would explain why I so obsessively strive to do good and put the good of others before my own. The guilt of the German people post-WWII is something I really want to feel and understand here. Perhaps it’s secretly because it is so close to my inexplicable guilt that I hope this trip will be cathartic.

I definitely feel good here so far. People here, like me, are polite and friendly.

I’ll update as I go, internet access allowing.