But about two hours after I gave him the number, he started calling compulsively to see if I wanted to hang out with him when he got off work. I missed the first three calls because I didn’t hear my phone but when I picked up the fourth one, he opened the conversation with, “Why didn’t you answer when I called?”
Cuz you’re a fucking loser.
***************************
Embarrassment: The Gift that Keeps On Giving
I drove by a former student of mine today. I tutored him for the SAT last year and according to a friend of his whom I also tutored, he had a crush on me. This kid was a cool kat–nice guy, really chill, in a band, flunked the SATs because he really couldn’t give a shit.
Funny story… I was at a bar in February with a bunch of my cousins. I was getting bored out of my mind and wanted to go home to write, so my cousin’s fiance tried to entertain me by offering to be my pimp. I told him that there were only 3 signs that I’ve never made out with and he said he’d find them for me. I noticed a guy who looked familiar in a cluster of people close by. He looked exactly like my 17 year-old ex-student with a cigarette and a drink in his hand. I asked my cousin’s fiance (who was closer to the group) to ask if that guy was [name withheld to protect the guilty] because I thought he was a student of mine. My boy asks and my student looks surprised and says he is. I yell, “I happen to know for a FACT that you’re not old enough for that drink in your hand.” He’s really happy to see me and gives me a hug, but in the middle of it, my cousin’s fiance butts in and says, “Hey, do you want to make out with her? You should totally make out with her.” I could have KILLED him. Call me vanilla, but I’m just not old enough and depraved enough yet to find 17 year olds sexually enticing. Unless that 17 year old is named Aaron Carter. (good god, I hope you all know I’m just kidding).
Steve the Lawyer, that sweet Pisces with the soft lips, on the other hand, was another story. That was a fun night. Those pictures turned out awesome.
Music that is passed down through generations, is passed down because it conveys emotional and spiritual meaning; it means that particular piece of music has the power of gathering, unlocking and liberating inner emotions. In this day in age, when we have computers creating the music and kids who don’t even understand the sacred language of the song putting out a version that gets mass airplay, it’s hard for these songs not to lose meaning. So every time I hear a Christmas song on the radio or at the mall, I get really bitter. Christmas songs that were once a communion of the religious and spiritual, that were sung together in spiritual faith in a revered place of connection, have become synonymous with commercial brainwash. When a person hears a Christmas song, like one of Pavlov’s dogs, he doesn’t feel the magnitude of the cumulative shared emotional experience of our forefathers. He only understands that it’s time it’s sale time in the department stores because the holiday shopping season has officially begun. Nothing scares me more than the idea that our world no longer values the intimacy of human bond and the happiness of being knowing and accepting your inner being.
While I Was Gone by Sue Miller
I’m listening to:
Operatica “Shine”
Operatica “Volume 1”
Handsome Boy Modeling School “So…How’s Your Girl”
I recommend all of these. I’ve been in such a good mood since they collectively came into my life. (Operatica is opera meets dance/electronica. It’s freakin’ AMAZING)
Yes!!! Send Chris Webber AWAY.
http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/columns/story?columnist=smith_sam&id=1856243
I have only one trade scenario to offer:
LA Lakers – Lakers send Vlade. Kings send The Crybaby. Pros: Vlade arrives back in Sac and, “Just kidding,” we find that he was only doing what was best for The Kid (Peja) and the team. In an ingenious plot, Vlade has managed to rid Sac of the Hobbling Ego that will never ever ever carry any team into that Press Conference at the end of the Tunnel. Peja is reunited with his beloved “I Love It When You Call Me” Big Poppa. Fueled by the summer disaster of nearly losing Vlade, he goes on to have a superstar season. Remember last year when he carried the Kings after Bobby J. and CWebb were out? When the Kings played like a team and didn’t have to run things through the Ego down low who could barely make it up and down the court? Yeah. A “team” with Chris Webber is like a “romantic” dinner with a big steaming pile of crap in the middle of the table–it’s disqualified by its very definition. A championship will never happen as long as Webber or anyone else believes he’s going to be the one to deliver the championship. Vlade, Peja, Bobby, Bibby, Miller, Christie, that rookie who looks like Christie and a Webber-less supporting cast means a team without the “Me” and a promising run in the West. Meanwhile, Kobe and Chris Webber, who by heaven and hell absolutely deserve each other, have to share the ball and the locker room. A bidding war ensues and Fox wins the rights to the reality show that follows Chris and Kobe as they learn that there is life on earth beyond themselves. The following season, Fox brilliantly joins the forces of Chris and Kobe with that of Paris and Nicole, sending them off on an iceberg to Antarctica. No cameras, no show. Just a gift to the rest of humankind. Cons: What cons?!? In my head, this trade is already done.
Mom: This guy at work asked for a raise. He said he’s embarrassed that he’s working full-time but still needs his family to help out financially. If he had just asked me for a raise by listing everything he contributes to the company, I would have probably said no.
Me: I need to ask for a raise. “I limit my nodding off strictly to afternoons. And sometimes the mornings. But I always wake up in time to answer the phone.”
Mom: That might work. Maybe your boss has a sense of humor.
Me: I’m serious. It’s what I do.
So let’s say, you’re hanging out at your favorite mall food court when in walks your favorite celebrity.
(For the sake of example, I’ll use the name “Tom.”)
You walk up to them, look surprised and then really joyous and say, “Tom! What’s up, man!”
[give him the Cool Brutha Handshake. No, not really.]
“Whatcho been up to?”
*the celebrity will respond joyously and pleasantly as he racks his brain, trying to figure out who you are. Inevitably, he’ll respond quickly, “Nothing much, how are you?”
“Nothing much.You know, same ol, same ol’. I haven’t seen you since that party up in the hills last year. You look GREAT! You still working out a lot?”
[small talk, small talk bullshit]
“Alright, listen, I’ve gotta run but it was great seeing you. Tell Mary Ann I said hi!”
***************
The key is to act like they should totally know you, like you’re an old friend and he’s the asshole for not remembering your name. If you pull off the confident, friendly, I’m so excited to run into you thing, you’ll see their face light up like they’re really happy to see you too, even though in their eyes, you can see they’re totally confused cuz they don’t know who the hell you are. And it’s also important for you to be the one who’s “gotta run,” cutting the conversation short. No more than a few minutes and a few pleasantries.
It’s kind of funny.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5649239/?GT1=4529
I think the fact that we can teach a gorilla to communicate is amazing. Once that first step towards establishing a frame of reference for communication is made, everything else can fall into place. It’s that first step that sets up understanding that’s key. Like how European settlers were able to establish communication with the American Indians, which has always fascinated me. I know I’m obsessed with communication and its means and possibilities, but I feel like the same principles in which we can find a common ground of understanding between humans and a gorilla can be used in finding a common ground with autistic people, or those whose perceptions exist differently from the majority.
They say that my brother is an extraordinary case because he’s PDD but can understand the connection between emotion as the murky, amorphous shades of color, texture and feeling from within, and the two-dimensional symbols which they are represented by and referred to within communication. But it took a long time, and a lot of patience in trying to figure out what symbols meant to him and what meanings he attached to things, in order to flip that switch that made him understand what was represented by what. It all comes down to that first step, that first epiphany regarding relationships of symbols and what they represent, when we realize a=1, b=2, etc., forming some sort of constant for interpretation, then everything else can be deciphered.
By the way, English was created by idiots.
My family was in town this weekend so the weekend was really tame. The highlights:
-we went to Irvine for my cousin Austin’s 6th birthday. We were playing a game he got, BeyBlades (?) where these spinning tops things have to knock each other out of a plastic ring. I told him that whoever loses 3 times has to do a lap around his street (he lives on a court so it’s not so bad). I lost so I had to do the lap. I told him I can run faster than Kobe and he didn’t believe me so he said he would time me. He insisted on counting “in his brain.” So I did the lap which took no more than 30 seconds and when I hit the “finish line,” he was totally impressed. He said, “Wow! You took…11 minutes. You ARE faster than Kobe.” Kids, man. I love kids.
-While my brother and I were waiting for my parents who were seeing a Chinese chiropractor, we found a Goodwill store. He got a $3 Bush CD (which I thought was overpriced for Bush) and I got 13 books for $7.96. God bless Goodwill.
-We met up with my mom’s friend and her son for lunch. Her son asked me how I like living in LA. I said, “I hate it.” My brother, enthusiastic to join the conversation, pipes up, “Oh I know why, Julia. It’s because 1. People are impatient. 2. They drive crazy. And 3. GAY.” I’m like, WHOA WHOA WHOA. NOT Number 3. I think he misunderstood me when we had driven through West Hollywood on our way to lunch and I was telling my parents how this was the center of the gay community and look…all those beautiful men…two by two…those amazing bodies……..*sigh*……..it makes me want to cry…… Sometimes I forget that I have to be very careful about the things I say around Michael because he’s so literal.
– I was sitting next to my mom during lunch. She’s not the most attentive person, so I kept taking things off her plate and eating them when she wasn’t looking, confusing her as to why her plate was empty when she’d just served herself something. At one point, she served herself a dumpling. She put it on her plate but was more engaged in the conversation with her friend, so while she was reaching to put the serving spoon back, I speared it and put it on my plate. She picked up her chopsticks and went for the dumpling; she looked at her empty plate, confused for a brief second before picking up the serving spoon and getting another one without really concerning herself with where her dumpling went. She put another one on her plate, her eyes fixed on her friend. As she was putting the serving spoon back, I speared the second dumpling from under her arm and put it on my plate. She put the serving spoon back and looked down to find her plate empty; I could tell she was confused and a little worried, wondering if she had actually gotten a dumpling or if she was in the midst of brain deterioration. Her friend asked her a question so her attention got pulled back into the conversation; she reached for the serving spoon and got another dumpling. She put it on her plate and I speared this one too, putting it on my plate as she put the serving spoon back. As she animatedly told her friend some gossip without looking down at her plate, I watched her absently poking her chopsticks at the place on her plate where the dumpling should have been, trying to pick it up without looking down. Finally she noticed that something was amiss and looked down to find her plate empty, and a mound of dumplings with stab wounds in the middle of mine.
My review of Collateral:
Tom Cruise puts in a solid bid for the Best Running Oscar, while Jamie Foxx is in the fight of his life against getting cockblocked. This movie was low on suspense and high on lack of sense. For example, Tom Cruise chases Jamie Foxx through the streets of LA. Now what made that white boy think he could catch a black guy? Furthermore, what made Tom Cruise’s assassin think he could find his mark, an Asian guy, in a crowded Asian dance club? Hell, I don’t think even I could find a specific Asian guy in a crowded Asian dance club. Unless maybe…if he were wearing a blindingly white shirt and had a glaring spotlight on him. Oh wait, he WAS wearing a blindingly white shirt with a glaring spotlight on him? My bad.
*******************
Today I had a shitty day. Shitty in that, the weirdest things kept happening. Weird unpleasant things. But that’s okay. You know how they say that when you lose money (like lose your wallet, or money falls out of your pocket), you’re actually kind of paying off that great wheel of fortune to prevent something really bad from happening? Well, I think sometimes when you have shitty days and weird things happen to you, and by weird, I mean like, things that bystanders point and snicker about, you’re putting a down payment on being protected from something really bad, like being maimed in an accident.
I also want to confess about something that I found kind of creepy from last weekend. I was at a club downtown and this guy started banging a girl in a dark corner nearby. He and I made eye contact and he recognized me as the girl he had tried to talk to earlier in the night. So he points at me and growls, “You…” Grinning with his eyes fixed on me, he hits her harder and more deliberately as if to say, “This could have been you.” I left soon thereafter. It made me feel really dirty.
Today’s mood: Afraid of full moons and black cats
Peja is demanding a trade: http://msn.foxsports.com/story/2643502
Obviously, the kid misses Vlade.
So I just about salivated over the thought of one of my favorite players, the best pure shooter in the NBA, going to a team with a quality big guy.
Here are my scenarios:
1. Miami – Miami sends Eddie Jones, Dorell Wright and a 1st rd draft pick. Pros: Can you imagine that team? You’ve got the big guy with the inside game (Shaq), the Kamikaze who can pass or penetrate (Wade) and the pure shooter (Peja). This team will FUCK. YOU. UP. Sac gets another pure shooter. Dorell is a project, but he’s young. Cons: Eddie’s ridiculous contract. Eddie is old and injury proned. Miami gets the better deal.
2. Portland – Portland sends Shareef, DA and scrub for Peja and Christie. Pros: Shareef has made it very clear he is not putting on a Blazer uniform, so Portland has itself a “situation.” Christie, while an club favorite, has been shopped around this off season. Assuming that Bobby Jackson is healthy next year, they get another scorer in DA, but will miss Christie’s defense. Nevertheless, Shareef bolsters the frontcourt exponentially more than Ostertag will. Portland’s starting 5: Mighty Mouse/Van Exel, Christie, Peja, Zack Randolph, Ratliff. They’re young and competitive, with weapons on both ends of the court. Cons: Shareef plays the same position as a little crybaby named CWebb. They could move him to the 3 spot, but that’s what pissed him off about playing in Portland. He’s a post-up guy who is too good to come off the bench.
3. Houston – Houston sends Jimmy Jackson, Reece Gaines and a draft pick. Pros: Sacramento likes Jimmy, Reece has played extremely well in summer league, etc. but more importantly, how SICK would it be to have a lineup of T-Mac, Peja and Yao?!? Cons: Yeah, right. Jimmy is great but getting up in the years. Reece has yet to prove anything in the league. Sac would give up a star for a has-been and a possible bust.
4. Seattle – Seattle sends Ray Allen, Radman. Sac sends Peja and Songaila. Pros: Allen and Peja are the two best shooters in the NBA. So it’s an even swap. Seattle would like to get rid of Radman though. Cons: Peja is gonna have a shitty time in Seattle. They’ve got no big guys. Every single shot of his is going to get contested.
5. Golden State – GS sends Jason Richardson and Mike Dunleavy. Pros: Sac gets an energy guy who keeps the fans excited and gets the merchandise (read: $$) off the shelves. Dunleavy is developing nicely and is versatile. He can play 4 positions and will fit in nicely with Sac’s team mentality. Plus, these two can commiserate with CWebb about escaping the horror that is the Golden State organization. Golden State is also in desperate need of a pure / clutch shooter. Cons: GS has no offensive threat in the frontcourt. Troy Murphy is underrated and really bangs down there, but he also plays a lot facing the basket. GS would need an intimidating force of some kind in the paint to pull the pressure off of Peja. Just like in Seattle, every shot of his is going to get contested. At least he has a better supporting cast though, in GS. And he would be the uncontested star here.
6. Cleveland – Cavs send Ilgauskas and Dajuan Wagner. Wagner is a bit like Bobby Jackson when he’s healthy. He’s quick and can score at will. Ilgauskas, also when healthy, is a damn good center and shoots his free throws pretty well. A lineup of Snow, LeBron, Peja, Gooden sounds like a pretty good start. Maybe they’ll be this year’s Denver. Cons: Sac has too many big men. They just committed money to Ostertag. Bring in Ilgauskas and you have two very good centers (Brad Miller). Wagner would be attractive to Sac as he’d do well in the run-and-gun game, but they will be missing a reliable perimeter player.
7. LA Lakers – Lakers sign and trade Malone and Kareem Rush. Pros: Peja gets to be with Vlade, so he stops pouting. Sac gets another great shooter in Rush, as well as a veteran presence and another great big man adept at passing. Cons: This is weird. Rivals swapping stars. Again, Malone plays the same position as CWebb, the supposed “franchise player.” You see a pattern here? (GET RID OF WEBBER! NO TEAM WILL RIDE TO THE CHAMPIONSHIP ON HIS SHAKY LEGS AND SHAKIER HEART) Trading your star for a guy who will come off the bench? (As Malone would behind Webber) No way. Sac would probably prefer Odom and Rush. But it’s not likely they’d be willing to let the Lakers have one of their best players.
8. New Jersey – Nets send Kidd. Pros: Peja goes to the East Coast so he doesn’t terrorize Sac. Kidd comes to the West Coast so he doesn’t terrorize New Jersey. Kidd is somewhat close to his hometown, to which he has wanted to return. Cons: Both teams would give themselves big problems. Sac would have the best backcourt in the NBA with Kidd, Bibby, Jackson and Christie in rotation. New Jersey would have Peja, who plays the same position as Jefferson, but no point guard. More likely, NJ would want Bibby to be included, but Sac would want Jefferson. A swap of each teams PGs and SFs? Well, it’s a possibility. But a highly unlikely possibility.
Great article with Zach Braff about Garden State:
http://suicidegirls.com/words/Zach+Braff+-+Garden+State/
Today I took a ridiculous spill. I went to the chiro this morning and on my way back to work, I stopped by Starbucks to see if any of the gang was working. I was walking back to my car when I tripped about 5 feet away on an uneven crack in the parking lot pavement. This is a slow-motion breakdown of the following sequence:
1. I pitched across the lot, flinging the contents of my cup against my door which I had just had detailed, along with the rest of my car, spraying it with coffee before…
2. Momentum carried me along the projectile of my cup until my shoulder clunked against the side of the door.
3. I managed to gain some footing in an effort to at the very least, not end this graceful sequence by crumbling to the ground, but as I put my weight down on my left foot, my ankle twisted out from under me, and I went spinning the other way, landing on the cushion that is my right knee cap.
Thankfully, an Escalade was blocking the store’s view of me so no one really saw, except for the woman in the Escalade, whose adorable son had just thrown a tin cannister of mints in my face a few minutes before while waiting in line. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” she asked. “No ma’am,” I said, crawling into my car. It’s just my pride.
I’m an idiot.
Am I Crazy from Being Home Alone, Or Am I Home Alone Because I’m Crazy?
So my roommate has been out of town for a few days. Rather than inviting over all of the internet’s sexual deviants and the freaks waiting at 3 am bus stops for debauched orgies and crack parties, I’ve been rather mellow and tame. But I’m wondering if being left to myself has brought out the neurotic in me.
I wanted to go to Best Buy after work to get some digital 8 tapes. I thought I might go to the gym afterwards, so I was dressed down in warmup pants, a t-shirt and a baseball cap. I was getting ready to go but didn’t like my t-shirt. I changed into a different t-shirt and got into my car. But then I realized that I was wearing flip flops, but needed to wear gym shoes. So I went back upstairs and changed shoes. While changing shoes, I decided that I didn’t like that my t-shirt was slightly wrinkled from being lumped inside the clean laundry basket. I threw the shirt into the dryer for a few minutes for a quick-fix to ironing it out. It took me another test run, but I figured out that the dryer was broken, so I put the shirt back on. Looking in the mirror, I decided I could live with the wrinkles, but then noticed that my bra could be seen quite clearly through the white shirt. I looked at it for a while, then decided it looked gaudy, so I headed into my closet to change my bra. At that point, it hit me that this was fucking insane. I’d suffered an anal-retentive implosion while trying to make a jot around the block to Best Buy for video tapes.
So I left, got in my car, and headed to Best Buy. Two blocks out, I decided I was lazy and didn’t want to deal with the traffic of the less-than-two-miles-10 minute-drive-away store. So I turned back and said to myself, I’ll go to 7-11. If they don’t have them, I’ll get them some other day. I passed by a park and was suddenly hit by the urge to take an evening stroll through a park, something I haven’t done since my family did it together back when I was really, really young. I walked through the entrance and immediately experienced the euphoric shrieking of a woman on the swing set being pushed by her lover to the left, and two men on a grassy knoll praying towards Mecca to the right. I sat down in the grass and watched two courts of guys playing basketball. I was noticed by some of the guys shooting around because I was the only girl out there, so they started acting all swoll, quickly glancing over at me when they made a shot or dunk to make sure I saw it, or staring at the ground and looking intense as they ran after the rebound if they missed.
At one point a college girl walked by. She was super dressed up and strutting down the catwalk that was the edge of the courts, demanding alpha attention. Halfway across, she starts whistling and yelling dramatically for her dog, who was only a couple of yards away, never breaking her strut. She was determined to be seen. She got her attention, but I was suprised when she didn’t make another pass along the courts. If you’re gonna get that dressed up and come up with a plan, you may as well maximize your hoochie exposure.
Heading back to my car, I saw a guy jumping on the plastic bridge of the plastic kiddie-pleasure fort in the playground. He would test it with his weight, and then start stomping on it. Up down up down with his hands on the rope handrail to support his weight, pounding on the bridge like he was convinced it was a trampoline that had morally wronged him. Then he would stop, testing it gingerly with his weight again, before repeating his masculine stomping ritual. He was so engaged with his project that he didn’t notice me standing at the edge of the sand lagoon, staring at him. When he finally glanced up, his head jerked in surprise. “Are you trying to break that?” I asked, diabolically trying to keep my tone neutral so he couldn’t quite tell if I was a mayhem co-conspirator or someone about to call the cops. He laughed the way my six year old cousin laughs, a reflex of innocence and happiness that bubbles up from the gut. He paused to grasp an answer before shyly saying, “No…it’s just that…I haven’t been on one of these things since I was a little kid. It’s so springy it’s amazing!”
I looked at him for a moment, at the guilty smile buried in his mischievous eyes, then burst out laughing.
“It looked really funny. And you did it for like 10 minutes and were so intense about it, you didn’t notice anyone watching.”
He laughed, lowering his head slightly but not breaking his glance. He had beautiful teeth.
“This must look weird…,” he said.
“Oh no. I meant…” I fought a brief tug-of-war with my impulsivity. “It was really cute.”
We stood there smiling at each other for a long moment, before I suddenly processed what I had said and panicked. I felt like a deer caught in headlights–I turned around and walked away, settling on tucking myself into a grove of trees by the basketball courts. I looked out at the stars for a little while. Or planes. I couldn’t figure out if the dots were stars or planes. Then I started thinking about how those missing-until-the-dumped-body-is-found stories always start out with how the missing person’s last known whereabouts was heading to or inside a park, so I left.
I finally hit Best Buy and got my videotapes. In line at the checkout, there were three middle-aged, working-class Hispanic guys in front of me. One was buying a DVD set of Tarzan and a documentary about pirates. I envisioned this guy going home, popping in a DVD about pirates and watching it with the contentment of having his children gathered around him. That vision gave me warm and fuzzy feelings. When you think about all the things that make people happy, all the different, random, unique things that can be drawn out of even difficult life paths that can bring a person contentment, it really points out how there are so many things that could be wonderful sources of peace and contentment that most people take for granted. Like watching a discount Pirate DVD after dinner with your family.
So then I finally made it home. 2 hours and 11 minutes after I first tried to get out the door to Best Buy, which is 10 minutes away. Now I’ve got a few hours of writing ahead of me and I’m off to bed.
Zach Braff and Natalie Portman are dating.
http://entertainment.msn.com/celebs/article.aspx?news=165846
I was thinking about the movie after we saw it, and I just kept thinking that there’s no way they didn’t fall for each other after doing that movie. The chemistry was way too good. They’re both really good actors, but it honestly felt like you were watching two people you loved, fall for each other. I could never act. I’m Method and I would have trouble with keeping everything separated. Especially when there’s attraction. And at times, that would be inappropriate.
Speaking of the movie, Garden Sate is AWESOME. Easily one of my favorite movies all-time, and best movie I’ve seen this year. Very honest and funny, with courageous writing and directing. It was really well-done and made me miss being a kid, where connections between people were so pure because you were vulnerable but not yet at the point in your life where you felt that it was a matter of survival to conceal it. This movie really inspired me. I was in a really good mood all night after seeing this movie. It’s like one of those dreams you have where everything is just OKAY. You leave the theater and you feel good. Safe. Go see it.
Echo Playlist
Archives
Calendar
Tags
astrology basketball booty call agreement dating dream reality dreams dropping knowledge fiction food humor love magic Me michael personal lists Poetry psychic psychology quotes signficant days song lyrics stories the other side Travel - Alaska Travel - Amsterdam Travel - Austin Travel - Camping Travel - Europe Travel - Germany Travel - Hawaii Travel - Las Vegas Travel - Miami/Atlanta Travel - Michigan Travel - Midwest travel - New York Travel - Orlando Travel - San Diego Travel - San Francisco Travel - Scottsdale Travel - Seattle travel - Taiwan true stories truth wisdom writingCategories
- Film Projects (3)
- Finished Writing Samples (7)
- Poetry (21)
- Script (4)
- Uncategorized (4,565)
About Me:
experimental stream of consciousness writer who may or may not be a liar. sanest person you've ever met but i'll look you in the eyes like a computer eating magnets. what i don't know about you, i'll make up. and you'll still love me because you don't know where i went that moment you swore i disappeared. my moods chase the seasons and i hear it makes an interesting read. i like smelling good.