I Laughed, I Cried, I Vomited: A Link to be Savored

http://porktornado.diaryland.com/albumcover.html

August 12th, 2004 | Comments Off on

You ASSHOLES.

http://www.cnn.com/2004/LAW/08/12/samesex.marriage.ap/index.html

August 12th, 2004 | Comments Off on

Subway Loses Next Spokesperson

http://www.wftv.com/news/3643877/detail.html

August 12th, 2004 | Comments Off on

Four Times in an Hour? According to Swingers…No Dice

I unenthusiastically gave this guy my number because he looked like Tracy McGrady without the lazy eye and I figured, even though we would obviously have nothing to talk about, I might be able to convince him to give me a glimpse of his shirtless body without having to put out.

But about two hours after I gave him the number, he started calling compulsively to see if I wanted to hang out with him when he got off work. I missed the first three calls because I didn’t hear my phone but when I picked up the fourth one, he opened the conversation with, “Why didn’t you answer when I called?”

Cuz you’re a fucking loser.

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Embarrassment: The Gift that Keeps On Giving

I drove by a former student of mine today. I tutored him for the SAT last year and according to a friend of his whom I also tutored, he had a crush on me. This kid was a cool kat–nice guy, really chill, in a band, flunked the SATs because he really couldn’t give a shit.

Funny story… I was at a bar in February with a bunch of my cousins. I was getting bored out of my mind and wanted to go home to write, so my cousin’s fiance tried to entertain me by offering to be my pimp. I told him that there were only 3 signs that I’ve never made out with and he said he’d find them for me. I noticed a guy who looked familiar in a cluster of people close by. He looked exactly like my 17 year-old ex-student with a cigarette and a drink in his hand. I asked my cousin’s fiance (who was closer to the group) to ask if that guy was [name withheld to protect the guilty] because I thought he was a student of mine. My boy asks and my student looks surprised and says he is. I yell, “I happen to know for a FACT that you’re not old enough for that drink in your hand.” He’s really happy to see me and gives me a hug, but in the middle of it, my cousin’s fiance butts in and says, “Hey, do you want to make out with her? You should totally make out with her.” I could have KILLED him. Call me vanilla, but I’m just not old enough and depraved enough yet to find 17 year olds sexually enticing. Unless that 17 year old is named Aaron Carter. (good god, I hope you all know I’m just kidding).

Steve the Lawyer, that sweet Pisces with the soft lips, on the other hand, was another story. That was a fun night. Those pictures turned out awesome.

August 12th, 2004 | Comments Off on