Echo

so this guy wants me to define “great” sex

i was talking with a friend today and he asked me, completely earnestly, “what exactly makes sex great sex?”

well, i’m not naming names here, but i kind of feel like if you ask questions like that, you probably haven’t had it yet. maybe you’ve had good sex, satisfying sex, intriguing sex, crazy sex, debauched sex, but maybe not great sex, the holy grail of sex, the kind that people try to describe but usually only manage exclamations and a vague repetition of, “you know what i mean?”

before you all protest that i’m generalizing or talking out of my ass, from a girl’s perspective, we all know that girl who claims she’s had an orgasm but goes into all kinds of defensive or unsure details about what it felt like and seemed like and looked like and smelled like until you reach a point where you’re positive she’s never had one. it’s the basic rule of simplicity — if you’ve had it, you’ll know, no doubts about it. trust me. you’re not my uber-dorky college friend matt who told me he’d “kinda had sex” this one time at drama camp. you either did or you didn’t.

put simply – sex turns boys into men, girls into women. it’s documented.

i look at all my cousins younger than me, and i can tell if they’ve never had it…and later, when they have. there’s a change in them. it’s like seeing a person and realizing he’s molted since the last time you saw him.

then the next step – great sex. the achievement of the ultimate in intimacy. the ultimate in surrender and attainment.

it turns men into MEN, and women into something that sits just below goddess stature.

you think angelina jolie, the closest thing we’ve got to a celebrated goddess on earth, is finally having great sex? you bet she is. there was a time when she wasn’t, and then a time when she was.

i think great sex is not something that can be summed up in a list of techniques or positions or tips, though cosmo has educated millions of girls in the art of sexual dexterity, knowledgeability and versatility to the appreciation of past and present lovers. in fact, i trace the widespread female understanding of the male g-spot back to cosmo and its tireless editorial staff. who knew the secret was in the taint!! hard hitting journalism, gals. one-half of the world’s population thanks you.

i think that technical knowledge comes in handy, but if your head is present and in the middle of it, you’re not really connected with the other person because you’re still rattling around in your own perspective like a self-conscious actor. and that intangible connection is the root of what makes good sex great, what personal preference builds on but does not create the foundation of. i think if your brain is still present and capable of functioning, and hasn’t been blown out the back of your skull into oblivion, then maybe you should try your luck with a different partner.

there. i said it.

but studies have shown that a passionate, satisfying, healthy sex life is an important core factor of strong, longlasting partnerships, which makes great sex of utmost importance when it comes to picking a partner.

so happy f—rolicking. and if you know what i’m talking about, then seriously, high five…

rule for the next few weeks.

if you don’t want to get shot, i don’t want to hear another peep about baron davis and the warriors front office.

thank you.

long weekend movie reviews:

we are marshall – loved it. love sports movie, love inspirational movies, love good writing, love how crazy-ass coach gets it done. best work matthew fox has done, outside of that one episode of snl he hosted last season.

be kind rewind – eh. i only really wanted to like it because mos def is so likable. but having gone through film school and seen my share of really, really, really badly made homages to the greats, it was hard to suspend my disbelief that even well-intentioned crap would really be so captivating to the average movie renter. but again, the mos def factor so i’m reluctant to say anything bad.

definitely, maybe – at the risk of sounding like a total chick here, ryan reynolds………damn. it was like a feature version of how i met your mother without the hijinx, but i give it props for being better and a thimble deeper than i expected, though little miss sunshine abigail breslin will always seem like an alien child to me. michael was very patient with me commenting in awe over how cute ryan reynolds was every few minutes. i was surprised he had that effect on me without jumping in a lake and coming out with water dripping down his sweet, ripped torso (see: the amityville horror. i think i cried from pleasure overload during that scene). actually, now that i’m remembering that scene from amityville, i can’t remember a single other thing about this movie.

walk hard: the dewey cox story – i can’t remember who insisted that i see this and said that it’s surprisingly funny. i worried it would be 90 minutes of “cox” jokes, but it did get a few laughs out of me. you definitely feel like the movie was written for will ferrell and they settled for john c. reilly who did a great job. the film laughs at itself, laughs at the evolution of music, laughs at the everchanging drug scene. it has great cameos in it, particularly one scene where dewey drops acid with the beatles played by paul rudd (john), jack black (paul), jason schwartzmann (ringo) and justin long (george). justin long is consistently adorable. have you seen him as a jilted robin?

in bruges – i saw that roeper and whoever, the guys who replaced siskell & ebert, named this movie as one of the best movies of the year thus far. it stars colin farrell and brendan gleeson as hit men hiding out in belgium until their boss gives them the all clear. the dvd case said this was a comedy, but it’s a comedy in the sense that pulp fiction is a comedy as it’s pretty graphic at times with its violence. there are plenty of midget jokes for those who think a comedy isn’t a comedy unless there are midgets or someone loses an eye. oh, someone loses an eye as well. the best scene is the shoot out between ralph fiennes as the angry boss and colin farrell, where they negotiate the terms of the shoot out so they don’t get a pregnant innkeeper caught in the crossfire. this is a great little british indie that debuted at sundance, written and directed by the guy who won an oscar a few years ago for the short film, six shooter (which incidentally, is on a dvd compilation of oscar-nominated shorts that i watched half of on the trip, but haven’t gotten to that particular film yet). how my dad managed to rent it, i don’t know, but as much as he hated it, i enjoyed it. colin farrell redeems himself as a compelling actor; i haven’t felt so compelled by him since minority report, before he publically came out as a man whore.

beowulf – another one that my dad rented that i watched because it was there. i had to read this book for like 6 different classes as an english major, and if you ask me now, i can’t tell you what it’s about except a dragon who was pissed about all the noise people were making, and his vengeful mother. and this guy who had balls the size of war vessels. but i had just read a review of wanted that mentioned that angelina’s amazing in this, so of course, i watched it for her. the animation is amazing but at some point, it got a little old as the story unfolds so painstakingly. and really, i wanted to indulge my chick-crush on angelina so i fast-forwarded to the part where she seduces our hero (who by the way, had all his old-man fat CGI’d off. i saw sexy beast. i know what ray winstone really looks like. you can’t trick me with those beautiful, beautiful fake abs that even made my dad exclaim, “wow, look at those abs.” by the way, there’s a naked fight scene. i mean, seriously. he couldn’t even be bothered to put on a codpiece). i watched the rest of the movie on fast forward because my dad had grumbled that he didn’t like the movie and had fallen asleep, and i really just wanted to see angelina who apparently gave birth to a humongous dragon who’s beowulf’s child. hmmm. i don’t remember that being in the book i studied in school, but i partook in quite a bit of contraband between then and now so i could very well be wrong. i don’t know. the movie’s visual eye candy, but i found it a little boring.

oh, i had a flash.

hierophant.

someone with taurus like energy.

the letter G.

everything falls under the power of 9.

isis

she is the key

i’ve been running into a lot of random people from the past lately. the thing that’s strange about these encounters is that these people seek me out and remember me, but i don’t remember them.

i usually have a very precise memory, especially when it comes to people. i remember where i met them, what they were wearing, what was said in conversation, and even what i was thinking as bits of conversation were unfolding. i can remember the birthday of almost every person i’ve ever met if they’ve told me their birthday. all this information is stored in a web, so when i think about them or i see them, the entire web unfolds and i see all these facts and images so i can access anything i want in order to have a relationship-appropriate interaction. also, people like it when someone remembers details about them, so if you have a job in, say, sales, it really develops a personal relationship.

but lately, something is very, very wrong. these people are coming up to me and are so enthusiastic that it really surprises me the disparity of the strength of their memory of me against my complete lack of memory of them. it’s like my database program has been deleted.

i’m also noticing that these encounters have happened in a cluster since my birthday which is also worth taking note. first it was a girl on my plane who said we’d hung out together at a going away party last year (i had no recollection of her). turned out we had the same flight to and from san jose, so she sat with me and told me all about her life. granted, i pretended i remembered her even though i didn’t, but i learned a lot about her on the flight. she gave me her number so we could hang out sometime, but i know me…i’ll never call. i usually just allow the universe to bring me into experiences and people when the time’s right. so if i see her again or she finds me again, then that was what was meant to be.

on the car ride up to tahoe, my brother had to go to the bathroom so we took an exit that’s not one of the major stops, and found a single gas station in the middle of nowhere. i was standing by the soda machine, keeping an eye on my brother when a guy came up to me and asked me, “your name is julia, right?” i look over and it’s this asian guy who doesn’t look familiar so i don’t confirm or deny…i just ask him, “why.” he says that he’s a friend of a friend of mine, and that he’s hung out with me at my place in la as well as at my parents house. i must look really confused or suspicious because he fills in the details of my places, and meanwhile, i’m getting a growing feeling of unease, because i don’t let very many people into my home, so if this guy has been to two of my homes, then i must know him. but i don’t. so we talk and again, i find myself pretending that i know who he is (because from the sound of things, i do), but i can’t shake the feeling that i’m going on pure faith that this guy really knows me. sometime in the middle of the conversation, he bursts out, “julia…what the hell are we doing here??? i mean, where are we? we’re in the middle of nowhere. what are you doing here and what am i doing here?” “yeah, this is weird,” i say with a chuckle, feeling his question as both a question of random locational coincidence as well as one of a deeper existential nature. at the end of the conversation, he mentions that he wants to talk to me further about some things. i think to him, this encounter seems too bizarre to be for no reason. but sometimes it’s for reasons that don’t necessarily involve both parties, so i just shrug and say sure, but i don’t offer a way to contact me and he doesn’t ask me for anything so we leave it at that. i figure, if we’re meant to connect again, we’ll connect.

the last thing happened today. getting off my flight today, i pass by an african american gentleman wearing a suit. i know he looks familiar but i don’t make an effort to place him and walk past him. he stops me and says, you play basketball at the gym. i’m surprised. i’ve actually run into people i play basketball with at the gym, but it’s like that phenomenon where people who know me in day to day life sometimes don’t recognize me when my hair is up and i’m wearing glasses even when they’re looking right at me–usually people from the gym don’t tend to recognize me when my hair is down. he says that i know his son, and even though there’s one kid in particular that i pay attention to and i wonder if that’s his son, i’m blanking on both what the kid looks like and what his name is. this guy starts talking to me in a familiar way because obviously i know them, except in this moment, especially since that night i made a commitment to exercise my right brain and develop my left hand, my memory of him and most people is missing, along with my sense of time and dates. it’s really like a certain part of my brain has become disabled (when i say disabled, i don’t mean handicapped, i mean turned off…like a program). this guy is obviously more familiar with me than i am with him, and i can’t find where i stored the files that tell me who he is.

i engage in friendly small talk and tell him to say hello to his son for me and that he’s a good kid, even though i can’t picture him in my mind at this moment but i know i would recognize his energy when i see him. he invites me to go swimming with him sometime, and i tell him that i’ve injured my shoulder even though i was just on the plane saying that i need to start swimming at the gym. again i figure, if we’re meant to meet again, we will. i walk away, and even though i see him looking over at me periodically as i wait for my bag, i stay focused and block out any energetic invitation that would make me approachable. everything is everything until something becomes clear.

i really don’t run into people that often. or perhaps i do, but usually, people don’t recognize me or see me, and i don’t really make an effort to reach out, thinking that if an interaction was meant to be, it would happen.

a part of me worries if there’s something wrong with my brain lately, but i’m substance free (barely even drinking since my birthday is really the one night a year that i let loose and drink), and there are other parts of my mental capacities that have become stronger and more focused than ever, which makes me think that perhaps my brain power is being diverted elsewhere.

memories are things i cherish and i used to have this thing where i remembered everyone, down to people who worked at my high school whom i’d never spoken to, or waitresses at restaurants i’d only ever been to once. maybe i’m just letting go of people. maybe i’m just realizing that you can’t take every single person you ever met with you towards wherever you’re going, so you have to be selective, hanging on only to the strongest connections. and maybe since i don’t willingly let go of people, my mind is doing it for me. maybe the ram that was used to store and organize people and the facts that make them up in my mind is being used for something else now, along with what was used to keep track of time and dates and organize information systems. over the last four years, i had organized my mind to mimic a CRM system that utilized microsoft outlook as a database. now i can barely use outlook or find anything in it.

i guess my question is then, given these new experiences that have been happening and the changes i can see and feel–what is my brain up to, and should i have faith or be alarmed?

i gave it some thought. for now, i’m going to have faith. i don’t exactly know why certain things are happening or what they mean, but i have a feeling that i don’t need to. as long as i stay focused, the truth that i’m seeking will become clear.