Day one of the tournament over. A day of fierce battling but calm resolution because we came in intending to win and we did just that. Started the day with our big rivalry match and it was obvious right off the bat that they wanted to win and so did we. Low scoring game because we were a bit nervous and rushed things but so was the other team. We harassed the shit out of them on defense. I was in the zone, was hitting nearly all my shots in warmup, and this was everything I’d trained for in the last couple of months including 4 weeks of intense dieting to optimize my muscle to weight ratio. We blew them out. It was an incredible feeling to have so many people from the company there cheering for us, supporting us, willing us to victory. It pushed us, kept us going, kept us believing that the game was ours for the taking as long as we did not become our own worst enemies. We fought, because it was not just for us, but for all of us. It was about AMAX, the name, the people, the love and bond we share, day in and day out. It was about being something bigger than yourself because you are a part of something bigger than yourself. Today was a high.
Second game was against one of the tournament favorites, the only team to sign up with all players listed as skill level A (collegiate and above). We knew this would be a tough game and we came out nostrils flared, near insane with desire to overcome the challenge of playing against a team that was bigger than us and better than us. Turned out they were not better than us as we were the better team. One of our players was so hot I nicknamed him Teabag–because he basically teabagged the other team over and over and over. We are now 2-0 with a chance at the title but turns out one of the other teams, the one my uncle put together, is beating people into submission.
That was the lowpoint of the day. The whole reason for this tournament was to have a fun charity event and out of the box networking opportunity, not to invite customers and partners out then humiliate them. We’re here to get competitive but not show who has the biggest dick. It’s all about celebrating and building relationships, not about ego and shoving it in people’s faces. My uncle put together a ridiculous team and only 4 players happen to be in tech. I talked to him after his first game because one of our partners was worried about playing them because they saw them dunking. When I asked him about it, he said he has 3 players who can dunk. I told him what I told my dad’s team, to please make sure it’s fun for the other team and not beat them into submission. It’s okay to want to win but don’t go crazy. Next thing I know, I come out of our game and they are killing the other team 103-49. I was both embarrassed and furious. Now I went to Michigan when it was under Lloyd Carr and one thing he never allowed our football team to do was blow out the other team. It was a matter of honor. Sportsmanship. For this tournament, especially because we’re hosting it, it was important for us to play hard, but we didn’t want to humiliate the other team because we want them to sign up again next year rather than thinking that it’s too hard and they don’t fit in. The truth is if you like basketball and just want to run around and have fun, and you’re in the tech/IT industry, this tournament is for you. It’s not about beating people into submission and I felt like that’s what he showed up aiming to do. I did not want our customers and partners to think we invited them out just to destroy them, which was why I was so embarrassed at what my uncle did. Anyway, we had a big confrontation at the end of the tournament when I asked him to back off for the sake of PR, because if it came out that this team was affiliated with our company and the majority of the players are not from tech, it would be a PR nightmare. But he threw a selfish tantrum saying that he would not back off, and it wasn’t fair to him and I really thought he missed the big picture. It was pretty selfish. Whatever. We’ll let it play out the way it plays out and even our marketing team who worked so hard to put this whole thing together is not happy about it. We were really hoping the handmade trophies (made out of pieces of motherboards and chassis) would go to a team outside of AMAX. Let him have his stupid ego victory. But all I have to say is I don’t respect it. There’s no honor in what he did, and in my eyes it’s an empty, empty victory. All we can do is next year to hope that this first year has gotten people hooked and that next year we can get more teams and sponsors and make this bigger so we can tighten the rules. Honestly, I’ve pretty much had it with his bullshit.
We had an open bar mixer and that was great. After a day of battle we really earned it to kick back, have some beers and good food and let our hair down. I wore a dress because I figured it was more dynamic to go from beast on court to lady in the street. People keep telling me how well I clean up. My boy William always asks me why I don’t dress up more often and I see it like this–if you got to eat cake every day, every meal, you wouldn’t enjoy it. Then one day when cake is not available, you think that’s bullshit. Same thing–I know my impact when I clean up. But I don’t want to get dressed up all the time or that becomes the norm, the expectation and there’s nowhere to go from there but down. I would rather dress up for special occasions (or people), so that when I do, those moments really pop.
This guy I play pick up with on Wednesdays saw me and his eyes lit up. He must have exclaimed that I’m so beautiful about seven times throughout the night. It’s funny because when I realized we had the same birthday, he kind of blew me off. But then tonight he was talking about how us having the same birthday must be why he thought I was so cool when he first met me. He mentioned he has a girlfriend (good boy), and I joked when he was leaving that he was gonna let me know when he didn’t have a girlfriend anymore. He looked stricken, haha, but I told him I was joking. I only want what’s mine. I don’t want to be homewrecking because you never want what you get in those scenarios.
I have to say I really like this new guy we hired. He’s on the team and he works so hard, makes smart plays and never takes a play off, giving 100% every single moment he’s on the court. I can really respect that.
I also remembered how much I love soft hands.
I ended the night spending time with the guys from the A-level team we’d beaten. Shello thought they were really cute and wanted to find out if they were single for me. Turns out they were 23 which is too young for me. It’s not so much the age difference but the fact that at that age, guys have a lot more to go to get stuff out of their system, explore life, figure out who they are and live. I need to find a partner who’s been there, done that and realizes that with me, I’m not perfect but I’m a really good thing. And a rare, special find.
There was talk of coming over to my place, but I didn’t really want to smoke. Been off for 2 weeks to prepare for the tournament. I noticed that without it I don’t write as much. Don’t think as much.
2 more games tomorrow, one for our team and one to help out our partner team. Then I’m on a plane to NY.
The funny thing is I know one of the reasons we arranged this basketball tournament was that in some way, both my mom and I hoped I would meet someone. But end of the day, here I am writing, alone.
Loneliness is the price I pay for being alone.
I am the quintessential lone wolf.
But the very definition of a lone wolf is an alpha who leaves the pack in search of a female alpha to start a new pack with. So I am a female wolfpack of one, until I meet that lone alpha who is strong enough to earn my respect, and one day, we will start a wolf pack of our own.