One of the girls on the team yesterday went down with a knee injury in the first half. She’d torn her ACL in her left knee and had surgery on it years ago. Last night, she went down scrambling for a rebound and said she’d felt the right one “pop.” Anyone who has had an ACL injury knows that a pop is dangerous news. She sent out an email today saying she found out it’s an ACL tear. Bad news. Worst case scenario. Cecelia and I had sat out with her when she went down, helping her to the sidelines and getting her leg propped up. Cecelia’s had 2 knee surgeries and I’ve had 5, and apparently this girl’s had 1. Basketball’s really rough on women’s knees because we have wider hips which angle our femurs inwards, making the knee ligaments susceptible to injury, particularly torn ACL’s and meniscuses. I used to be the high-jumping rebounder/shot-blocker, but when you get up that high, you have to come down and often, you come down on someone’s foot. Or someone knocks you in the air and you land wrong. After all the surgeries, the compromise I made with myself was that I wouldn’t get aggressive under the basket, or jump for rebounds. Nowadays, the ball goes up and I get out of the way, even though my favorite things are soaring for rebounds and blocks. I stay close to the ground. But last night, to fill the void left by her, and because my shots weren’t falling, I was going for the blocks and rebounds, driving to the basket straight at defenders. It felt great to be playing aggressively and in the air again, but I knew every time I landed safely, that I was lucky.
I don’t know…hurt my knee and my time in Seattle’s done. Instantly. Plus, ACL’s a hard surgery. You basically have to relearn how to walk.
Maybe it’s not worth it, Julia. Think about it.
who needs a 10-lb bag of carrots?
apparently i do.
my cousin told me that her dad thinks i’m rude because i call my mom by her first name. she said he’s always telling her that i’m a bad influence. i laughed and said, i’m probably a bad influence, but not for that reason. i told her that her dad always thought lowly of me. she said she remembers being a little kid at our house, and a fight erupting between her dad and i that resulted in me locking myself in the bathroom. yeah, i remembered that one. it was because i’d already announced i was going to michigan, and that day at a large family get together, he found out i got into berkeley. then he said loudly to the room, “oh, i just thought julia wasn’t smart enough to get into any good schools. if she got into berkeley, then she’s selfish for choosing to go so far away from the family.” i was pretty angry. for him saying such a dickish thing, and also for him trying to humiliate me in front of the family.
i’ve brought up to my mom before that my uncle (her younger brother) is constantly belittling me and being rude to me, and she always tells me not to take it personally…that he just insults me because he sees me as the product of my father and it’s a result of his animosity towards my dad. to not take it personally because it’s not about me but my dad, as if that excuses it or makes it okay.
this whole thing…is bullshit.
but i like my cousins. we take care of each other. at least the rivalries of our parents have not affected our relationships. my cousin was sympathetic about the way her dad talks shit about me, and knows it’s not reflective of who i am. she’s always looked up to me, since she was a little kid. she was telling me our aunt (my mom and her dad’s younger sister) is always critical of her, telling her she needs to lose weight, etc., so she hates being around our aunt. maybe it’s just chinese families. maybe it’s just the nature of family. you take the good with the bad. it’s the price you pay for having the benefits of a clan.
holy shit, today’s an 11/11/11. that means i’m out tonight.
the shortest distance between two points is the truth.
first of all, i sucked today. went 2 for 7 and missed the shots i should have made. it was all psychological. every time i was open and took the shot, i would have a sudden worry that my teammates think i’m selfish for not passing, even though i started the game with 2 assists. i’m my own worst enemy. i have this specific issue about people thinking i’m selfish, and sometimes, it takes me away from me at my best. at least i had 4 blocks, which made up for it. i love blocking shots. and the refs love me. me and the bruthas. they love witty, athletic girls. but i was really irritated with my play overall. we lost by two in the final seconds. if i had made at least two of those shots…
i think this is why i don’t play organized sports. it ends up consuming me. and then i go so far out into intensity that i end up sacrificing my body and getting hurt. this was always a problem. my intensity would be fine if i were playing college or pro, but there’s no point in putting myself at risk when it’s purely recreational. after the game, i was thinking about how i could improve, and went to the gym directly from the game to work on conditioning. i take sports seriously as though i’m trying to go pro, when really, i just want to keep improving. i want to be really good. i get so down after a mediocre or bad game. but this isn’t going anywhere. so what’s the point of me being so obsessive about it? but it’s like i can’t stop myself. anything i put my mind on, i get so passionate.
and now another night where i can’t sleep. this is torture.