Echo

going back to fremont tomorrow for 10 days. may swing by LA, pack up some stuff. i think it’s funny that i spent my life trying to escape fremont, only to find the town i love most in seattle and where i spend most of my days, is also called fremont. but here, the natives have proclaimed their fremont, “the center of the universe.” it seems too strange to be coincidence that i took off for seattle and found myself another, more idyllic fremont, but hey, i’ll go with it. at the very least, i’ve found the center of the universe.

next, i’m looking for atlantis. i hear i’m a child of it.

they’ve got a lenin statue…

a giant rocket

and a giant troll living under the bridge

i waited outside for hours but didn’t see any meteors from the shower tonight. it’s overcast and raining here though. hope others had better luck.

i like good ambient artists like plaid or bonobo, who can take sounds or noise and give them rhythm and a sort of mathematical order. and somehow within that order, something greater with more continuity than the sum of parts comes to life. a living, breathing emotional depth.

bonobo’s dial “m” for monkey album is a great nighttime album. lyrical and eclectic. complementary to mental travels while the rest of the world sleeps below:

i highly recommend the album spokes by plaid. i didn’t know anything about them, except a few years ago, i saw a listing for an industrial-urban performance art series at the disney music hall, and the plaid show looked interesting. so i went having no idea what to expect. the music was accompanied by incredible visualizations. i distinctly remember being convinced that this was a mass brainwashing. this album is a great one to listen to at night. it’s hypnotic.

this video kind of scares the shit outta me (zeal by plaid):

always loved walking in the rain.

took a beautiful walk home from tonight’s show (audion). i love watching blanketing drops fall against sodium vapor, wet pavement reflecting city lights, a good steaming pothole. sirens in the distance but here, the silence a song. i love how clean the air smells, how the world feels so counted and collected, everything with eyes existing right here in the breathelessness of this moment. the tabula rasa of rain.

electric…through my fingertips.

i wasn’t able to enjoy the office the last few seasons because michael scott was too close an impersonation of my boss, and it made going to work slightly more miserable knowing that i worked for a parody. but with distance, i’ve been catching up through netflix. here’s his life philosophy as quoted to his boss:

Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone…for any reason ever no matter what. No matter where or who or who you were with or where you are going or…where you’ve been. Ever. For any reason whatsoever.

that’s pretty good writing.

i remember when my friend sarah met the guy i was dating at the time. sarah knew me when we were 12 to 14, before she and her family moved to florida our sophomore year of high school. she loves to embarrass me by telling people about how i was in junior high. that night, she asked him how he and i got together. he told her it wasn’t easy, that i made him work for it. she told him not to worry, that i’m always mean to the boys i like. that in junior high, if i liked someone, the way i would show it was by ignoring him and swearing to the death that i didn’t like him. even though i did.

so if she’s got you confused, you’re probably in good standing, she said.

i would like to think i’ve grown a lot as a person since my pre-teen years. but let’s be real. i still have trouble having appropriate reactions when i’m interested in someone.

this guy kind of ran away yesterday. the majority of me doesn’t care, but i know there’s a part that’s been feeling bad. i was at a music show i read about in the weekly that sounded interesting. i watched this guy with dark brown hair and a warm smile talking to a shorter, feisty guy, and i wondered if they were gay guys on a date or just friends. i was hoping to talk to him, and i smiled at him when our eyes met. his smile back made me dizzy with giddiness. he asked if he could join me and we talked, but i was feeling really shy because i’d been wanting him to come over, but now that he was here, i hadn’t thought anything else through. the music started so i stopped talking or looking at him and just focused on the stage. we sat there in silence for a few songs and then he suddenly gives me this little wave and walks right out of the building, giving me a sidelong glance before he disappears out the door. he seemed kind of offended.

it’s a shame. it was a good opportunity for two people with certain similarities to get to know each other. people so rarely give me the benefit of the doubt that i might be someone who needs a little coaxing to get out of her shell.