Echo

i can see the future. i’m just waiting for the part where you walk into it.

i do notice a lot of scorpio’s in my path lately. mikki moore looks for me and smiles at every game now ever since that night he caught me memorizing his face. the two scorpio maybe gay-lovers were also unusual. i’ve appreciated the encounters though because scorpio is a powerful entity. yet today i remembered the partner who caused me the greatest pain was a scorpio, and i got stung when i was very young and innocent. sometimes i can’t tell when i meet a lot of the same kinds, if my lesson is to not be afraid to get close, or if it’s for me to learn from my past and stay away from things i intuitively fear/know as trouble.

scorpios…are your intentions to help me, or are you going to get in my way?

i reread my last post and i suddenly got the last line. i guess that’s the most honest thing about the night. the real heaviness of the night i wrote but couldn’t deal with right now, so i saved in drafts. maybe post later.

today i met a nov 3, 1974 and a nov 16 1974

the younger one said to the older one, “yeah, those 13 days really made a difference. you’re so much wiser.”

scorpio vs scorpio

best friends or…closeted gay couple?

the way they told stories between each other, completing sentences, having little ego sword fights, was like a married couple.

at one point they were going back and forth and i burst out laughing and couldn’t stop.

“why are you laughing?,” the softer one asked.

“because you guys are the most interesting things i’ve seen tonight. it’s like watching a play. i want to do a table talk with you where we just sit and talk about topics.”

“we would love to,” the bearded one said.

i’d started talking to them because they’d been sitting against the wall looking really unhappy, so i’d walked by on my way to getting water from the kitchen and high-fived them, then spun around and asked them if they were having a good time. that led to a conversation that led to the discovery that the three of us all went to the same college and had an overlapping year.

i ask them, “were you still on campus when the movie con air came out?”

they look at me with raised eyebrows. “that’s a very unusual and specific question,” the bearded one says. but neither of them can remember much about the movie.

i tell them that the only letter to the editor of the michigan daily that i ever got, was someone really pissed off at me for giving con air 4 stars. he thought i was retarded. so i wanted to know if either of them wrote that letter, because that would be crazy to randomly come face to face years later at a friend’s house in san francisco.

that story cracked them up, but neither of them claimed to writing the letter or agreed with the notion that con air is a 4 star movie. (said the bearded one, “did you give it 4 stars before or after you discovered marijuana?”)

the softer one complained about age and feeling old. i asked him how old he was and he said, “35.” the bearded one saw my face lit up but let his friend continue on his negative rant about feeling old, telling him that maybe it’s just a state of mind.

finally, i tell them that when i think about finally meeting “my guy,” i always think 35 is the best age to find him because he has a good idea of who he is, he’s got his shit together. that ever since i got back from living in europe, i can’t tell age. just that unhappy people look “old” and happy people look “young.” age is just a state of mind. all that matters is what you’re doing with your life in the present.

it was the strangest thing, too. the softer one, who seemed to harbor secret unhappiness, began looking younger as the night wore on. we laughed and told stories like the night would last forever. it was an instant bond. i have no doubt that tomorrow morning, each of these guys will be wondering about me–doesn’t even matter if they’re gay or straight. it was a memory being created in the present. the whole night featured deep connections. it was all powerful. spiritual. validating. seeing people and being kind to them and their being appreciative.

i dropped the two scorp’s off at a gas station because they needed to get somewhere closer to main streets to catch a cab. i offered to give them a ride but they said, “oh no, we don’t live together. that’s why this is complicated.” still, had no idea if they were just really good friends or gay. also glad no one brought up having a threesome as a joke. it happens once in a while when two guys meet me at the exact same time. the offer that is. i figured if anyone would, it would be two scorpios.

had an amazing drive home, taking the san mateo bridge while the radio played electronic grooves. deep, powerful, overwhelming emotions. like rushing water, i had to relax and let them come through me, raising me to the surface and pulling me to the depths, letting them pass through so once again, i could be myself.

beautiful night. old friends turned new. new friends turned old. one that i wish could have lasted longer.

i’m not batman. i’m something much more real.