as if i could will a pair of wings to grow.

December 23rd, 2009 | Comments Off on

surgery is scheduled for jan 29th in los angeles.

December 23rd, 2009 | Comments Off on

my epitaph should read:

a little nuts, but not crazy.

December 23rd, 2009 | Comments Off on

what is a writer,
but a liar hiding in plain sight?
baring everything, in search of wings
to bring herself into the light

December 23rd, 2009 | Comments Off on

i was very unfocused today. but must learn to want something, and using will, make it approach.

you have to. you have to. you must tell yourself this. make yourself try.

December 23rd, 2009 | Comments Off on

another achievement…speed. i might not be able to outrun a guy outright, but if he’s dribbling the ball and sprinting, i can keep up with most of them or overtake them (except the 20 year-old black kid who plays competitively). josh and i ran a little track race today. we were neck to neck but he got me with the angle. i’m amazed that in my 30’s, i appear to be running faster.

strong body, strong mind.

December 23rd, 2009 | Comments Off on

i notice i’m a very physical player. the first guy who guarded me was a really big, muscular guy. the first play of the game i drove in and scored against him. then he started getting really rough with me. i told him he’s fouling me every play and his response was, “you’re really strong and hard to defend against.” on one of the plays, i spun around to go baseline and he closelined me hard in the throat. a few plays later, i broke away into the wing and he tripped me.

i don’t think he was playing dirty. i just think he was trying to contain me because he didn’t want his teammates giving him a hard time and he was doing what he needed to do. but the thing is, i don’t want to play too physically either, because it’s a recreational game. but i just like physical contact when i play. i like the freedom of running and matching speeds, and the physical aspects of the game as much as the strategy and skill aspects. i’m not a dirty player though. if i knock into you i’ll usually apologize or grab you quickly so you don’t fall. but i do have my tactics and today, people really caught on to them. i have to take that as flattery though. they’re playing against me and challenging me like a good player, not a good female player.

this guy freddie was assigned to guard me after the first team lost. he’s this soft guy who likes to shoot on the outside. please don’t post me up, he said. i laughed. i can’t dunk on anyone to demoralize them, but using my ass to back them down does the same job. either way, once it’s been done, it’s like i’ve had my way with you. secretly, most of those guys usually like it.

December 23rd, 2009 | Comments Off on