trust.
how can you ever completely trust anyone when no person completely knows another, especially considering a person’s own inner universe is so expansive that they can never even completely know themselves outside of an overwhelming hunch?
trust is really faith.
but how to know which people really deserve faith?
or is faith the necessity because there’s really no alternative…
do you take a person’s word for it, their life story and its sum, even though you know that their word is not necessarily a reflection of their personal truth?
i don’t believe in saints on earth. just flawed human beings doing their best to make sense of their worlds, some who try harder than others to set good examples.
i’m thankful for rie.
my mom used to always comment that in life, to even have one close friend whom you could tell anything to and trust with anything, is a great blessing. she’s always believed that rie is this for me, and i’ve always been grateful for having her in my life.
i got off the plane and decided to call her. she’d been in japan and i couldn’t remember exactly when she’d be back, but she was home, so i drove the couple of hours to lodi to spend time with her and eric.
it’s good to be around people who are familiar, and to be able to say things that you otherwise wouldn’t say. and as i heard myself say things, a great sadness came over me.
i don’t like to cry in front of people outside of watching movies, but in my own private space, i try to never repress emotion. i think it’s healthy to let them flow through you, since they are as much a part of you as everything else. and so the 2am drive home featured some intense emotions and thoughts.
there are so many things that people can say, “that’s just life.” but at the end of the day, you have to try to make your life your life. and if i know what i want, a life dedicated to discovering and uncovering knowledge, then i think that while my life may not be conventional, i can’t give up that passion even if others try to pin their own expectations or hopes and dreams onto me.
my rule of anything in my life has always been…does something bring me more clarity, or more complication?