Echo

funny. no one has ever said it’s atypical for me to disappear. i wonder if what that actually means is that for a little while, i was more consistently present than usual.

it’s weird because i saw this new era coming, even understood what it would be like–standing at the doorway of a world that’s completely foreign or new, and knowing that once i stepped through, the rules would be different and the lessons would be harder. i wouldn’t be able to cheat anymore, since lately, i’d started being able to see the answers as i received the questions.

but then to be here…it’s like my psychic antennae is still stronger than ever, but the things i need to see, i completely can’t see. but in this new era, i’m not allowed to depend on my abilities of analysis to double check my intuition before turning in my answers. left brain is somewhat disabled leading me to learn to depend on my right. it’s the equivalent of an athlete breaking their dominant hand and learning to use the other. you should see my handwriting right now.

so where do we go from here

the secret is all around us
………..life is where we seek it
…………..of lies that illuminate the place where we meet again.

that’s really all anyone needs to know right now.

you can still talk to me if you need me, and i’ll try my best to be present.

teehee…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbPYmGq74eI

wanted

loved the special effects and who can look away when angelina’s on screen and packing heat. but i was seriously offended by its obnoxious ending.

the fight-clubness of the whole thing had irritated me earlier, but they gave it a rest for a little while so i thought they’d gotten over it. i think that’s why i was irritated that they brought it back full-force in the last moment as the movie was redeeming itself.

watching angelina fall in the background made me a little anxious, but i don’t think any movie can really kill angelina.

james mcavoy. this is the only thing i’ve seen him in. i actually sacrificed a spot on my netlix for children of dune because i read he played a twin and i was willing to check it out, but it felt so boring in my hand that i mailed it right back to get desperate housewives. i thought he was cute in the trailers. don’t know how i feel about him anymore. he seems like the kind of guy who’s theoretically really good in bed, but has equal chance to turn into an instant brooding baby or weep uncontrollably in your naked, confused arms. i don’t know. maybe he’ll surprise me.

i like this article:

http://www.slate.com/id/2194323/

it makes me wonder how much better the movie would have been if they had expanded the more mystical elements and really made it clash with the urban elements. imagine if someone japanese had done it. no one does myth and violence like asians. or maybe they were holding back on us. this seems like the kind of movie, if it goes all the way, it goes all the way.

this movie will turn you on though. in ways that may even surprise you. i secretly recommend watching the movie for that. you really do leave it feeling like you either did or are going to have some really intriguing sex.

it continually surprises me how i jump from logical left-brain person to amorphic right-brain experience. it’s like turning into a highly subjective jellyfish. a highly subjective ghost jellyfish. with legs and an overwhelming perspective.

i continually lose touch with people. i know i do. perhaps it’s a bit of an abandonment, but it comes from devastatingly porous attention span and no poor intentions. i assume people just forget about me while i’m away, knowing that i come and go, and sometimes i worry about coming back to people if i wonder if they might be upset with me for having left in the first place. but with people who let me come and go, everything is pretty open and easy. i like those connections.

i’m really seeing how projection almost determines a person’s current mindstate as well as what potential realities lie ahead. how there’s a definite link between mental energies and reality. my body was battered this week leaving me with my mind, and i was really seeing things.

remember that thing last may that was floating next to me during my transition time when my spirit suddenly became free? that night when i woke up and it was next to my bed, looking like a living organism containing entire worlds of interconnected galaxies of life, everything built as a web of illuminated prisms of the finest strands of life.

the last few nights, i’ve been startled awake to see a net around my bed. it always surprises me at first because i think it’s a mosquito net or the drapes of a four-poster bed and i’m suddenly terrified that i have no idea where i am. in the moments that my eyes are focusing, i see it’s made up of the same energy as the thing i saw last year, these organic beams of energy that surround my bed and protects my thoughts, dreams and projections as i sleep. once, in the left corner, i thought i saw a man nailing corner of the net to the ceiling, and he almost looked familiar in the peripheral of my dreaming mind. i felt comforted to see him rather than scared. but everything always slowly fades away while my eyes adjust, and then once i’m sure i know who and where i am, i put my head back down and go back to sleep.

there are so many directions i could go in, things that i could be, but i’m just hesitant to make a decision at this moment, so i’m keeping a lot of secrets these days.

do you ever have days where you simultaneously see everything, and that makes you believe in absolutely nothing?