10/9/09

1. julia meets cameron
2. julia meets 2 pilots, neither of whom have read the little prince.
3. julia experiences the theoretics (mindblowing)
4. julia makes a man’s hands shake. “you’re such a powerful spirit. your intelligence…i admire it and fear it. i’ve never experienced anything like it. i…i just need a moment.”
5. if you don’t think you’re good enough for someone, then you’re not. i will know him because he will make himself known; he won’t fear me but will be grateful to have finally met me.
6. julia gets bought a drink by a smooth, magician in black named moodi. the bartender agrees to make a fake drink without alcohol, to make sure i make it out of the night.
7. you don’t ask, you don’t get–carl who looks like david boreanaz (who plays seeley booth…whom you will notice, i recently said i would be open to), comes back 3 times over the course of the night. all three times, he failed to state what he really wanted. you don’t ask, you don’t get. and for me to give it to you without you asking, doesn’t benefit anyone. he resigned himself to letting me disappear into the night. as most men who are not ready do.

in the still of the night, it is the rhythms of the breeze that guide you home to me. you have no idea how faithful i’ve been.

I went outside to take a picture of a cloud that looked like a winged dragon crossing the sky.


Was surprised to find what else my camera was catching.



A sky on fire. And a giant lightning bolt.
Z.
I was just talking about you.

just unreal

Maybe I am a verb. Maybe I run along the Z axis. And the people of X & Y I meet seem to perceive me as being of their world, because I appear 2-dimensional like them, but really, I live on the Z, which is why I can see where they’re coming from, but they have no idea where I’m coming from. But then, upon meeting another being who runs the Z, it gives me proof that our world is just as real as their world.

One of the biggest accomplishments in my life is that in those moments when my mom puts the phone down, and turns to my dad saying, “Jerry, you won’t believe what your daughter’s doing now…,” she’s not saying what I’m thinking about doing; she’s saying what I’ve done. There’s no honor for “thinking about doing.” Only what’s doing or done.

I’m starting to think the problem is that people see themselves as nouns when they should be experiencing themselves as verbs.

I’ve chosen organic lavender, grapefruit and blue chamomile oils as components of Elixr. I chose them specifically for their complementary taste notes as well as for their homeopathic qualities.


The Real Elixr
For when the world is ready

(left to right) Cinnamon, Vanilla, Chili, Lavender
Vodka Infusions

this girl’s got crazy flow!

Green Dragon (by Red Phoenix)

I made some Green Dragon 2 days ago and wanted to share my experience.

First, I used this recipe by the alchemist, Master Wu. I happen to be reading The Art of War so I have respect for this name.

The recipe seems to be the definitive one, though I made some variations. The most talked about substitution seems to be toasting the herb at 200 degrees for 20 minutes, rather than 325 at 5 minutes. I chose to use this variation. Also, as with everything related to this herb, I only use buds. There is a saying, “You never cook with wine you wouldn’t drink with a guest at the table.” The same, you should never cook with herb you wouldn’t happily smoke. Lastly, I use a manual metal magnetic grinder instead of a coffee grinder. I feel like too much is lost inside coffee grinders. A metal grinder is also easier to collect the crystals which accumulate from the grinding process. Lastly, I used this cute little tea infuser and a spoon over a small french press to filter the tincture once it is heated (don’t use the actual plunger of the press). The french press comes with a small spout that makes it ideal for collecting the tincture, then getting the tincture into the bottle without an additional funnel. It’s very much like making tea.

I made the tincture with 4 grams of high-grade medical (mostly Banana Kush and Super Sour Diesel with some leftover OG Kush shake thrown in. These are not the ideal strains I wanted to work with, but at the time, the best strains available). I’m supplied by a clinic I trust for purity and quality of the herb. I always blend indicas with sativas as too much sativa may cause anxiety and too much indica may cause drowsiness. Overall though, these side effects are negligible when plant is ingested. I used Everclear 151 as that’s the highest proof I could find. Grain alcohol is some bad stuff which I personally feel should be avoided, but for an initial experiment, I want to try what is already known. I followed the double boiler method and boiled the water first before placing in the jar containing the mixture, then adjusted the heat to maintain a range of 170-175 degrees for 20 minutes.

Taste

I put one dropper full in about 4 ounces of Diet Orange Soda. The Soda fizzles as the tincture disperses, and tiny flecks of green burst onto the surface. It’s actually very magical and pretty.
I can only describe tastes the way I perceive smells so in terms of taste, the top note was dominated by the artificial orange citrus taste of the soda, the carbonation is also a strong distraction in perceiving the incongruencies of the tastes.

The middle note is pleasantly herbal. Very strong, but not overpowering for anyone who has experienced strong, herbal teas.

Now, the base note, is a real motherfucker. That’s the bitter kick of the Everclear. Not so much the taste of alcohol, but of something chemical. It’s actually pleasantly fizzy and herbal before the base note surfaces. I would really like to find an equally effective way of making this tincture, without using grain alcohol, or high-proof alcohol.

Overall, it’s a complex taste that doesn’t taste great, but doesn’t taste as badly as you might fear.

Effects

(Note: Squeezing the dropper hard only fills the dropper halfway. I read that one dropper full is 1ml, but I don’t know if by “full” they mean a full squeeze which is only half, or a full dropper, which would require 2 full squeezes. I apologize, I’m wicked literal). I tried half a stopper and waited an hour–it gave me a nice clear opening of my mind and positive spirit. I felt relaxed but normal, not high like from smoking. I tried 2 stoppers full(so the equivalent of one stopper filled up) the next day. Maybe it’s because of the carbonation of the soda but I could feel it within 10 minutes (usually take a good hour before I feel brownies). It got me really calm and focused, and I was very functional and clear-headed. I felt very positive, relaxed, and completely in control of myself and my mind. I had great conversations with people and could go about my business normally, just in a place where I understood more the truth of interactions, felt deeper, positive and more grounded, and found that people also reacted very positively.

I’ve been experiencing a lot with different ways of intake. Most people are introduced with smoking, but I don’t think that’s the best method for this herb. With smoking, the experience is more intense. It kicks in faster and it kicks in hard, sometimes being an overwhelming switch that can make people feel anxiety, then dropping you off a cliff back into your own reality. I think that’s why most people need to smoke in safe, comfortable environments where they can control the setting. Many of my friends who tell me they got paranoid or that it’s too intense have usually had these experiences when they smoked it. Ingesting is a whole different ballgame. I’ve given these same friends brownies, and they had positive experiences. They felt good, and even if it got intense, they never felt out of control, and often, they had breakthrough insights, had feelings of self-awareness and unity, and felt more at peace with their place in life after the experience. I’ve found that brownies have especially helped my friends who had issues with need for control or anxiety, whether or not they were aware of it. The experience basically forces you to let go and flow with the river, as it’s not the herb that creates your anxiety, but you who creates it when you resist the flow. Once you let go and find the flow, you realize you are able to create your positive experiences. This understanding and feeling is one that you don’t forget once you experience it, and it translates into day to day lives. Basically, it teaches you how to relax.

After the experience of eating, people seem generally more relaxed about themselves and their lives. Or at least, they are given a new perspective with which to look at it, another tool which they can choose to use for self-actualization.

Overall, this tincture is a good method with positive effects. One of the reasons I wanted to experiment was because I want a method of ingestion that doesn’t involve food, something that is akin to the delivery method of herbal medicines from Chinese doctors. I would ultimately like to create an oil-based tincture that also combines other herbs, such as chamomile and lavender, to improve the taste and complement the effects.

My mom speaks very good English. But when you learn a language from textbooks, there are some parts of the language you don’t pick up. Words like hoebag. And cunnilingus.

Every movie, my mom always picks out the worst things and asks for a definition. ie

“Julia, what does ‘dyke’ mean?”

“A lesbian, mom.”

5 minutes go by.

“What is ‘cunt’?”

“Another word for vagina.”

“Is this a bad word?”

“Yes, this is a very bad word. Don’t use it at the office.”

10 minutes go by.

“What does ‘fisting’ mean?

Christ. “I’m not going to tell you.”

“Julia. You’re very not nice.”

30 seconds.

“What does it mean, ‘she was a squirter?'”

I feel sorry for whoever had to sit with her through Clerks.

Angela: Now. You got two choices here. You either answer the question…or you tell her she’s being inappropriate. Either way, she’s not going to hold it against you.

My fictional character crush is probably Seeley Booth from Bones. He’s got a quick and sharp mind yet he’s naive, and his heart’s in a beautiful place. Stubborn but open-minded. Love the protective streak. The fact he’s the only one who can hang with Bones is impressive. I like men who can respect and appreciate a woman smarter than him. It makes the best parts of who they are shine even more.

Good writing to open Bones, Season 4:

Sweets: If we ask, which of Jared Addison’s set patterns have recently been disrupted, we may very well discover what got him killed.

Bones:No, we can’t ask Jared Addison, he’s dead.

Sweets: She is WICKED literal!

Booth: Okay hey, it’s her process. Don’t be mean to her!

Bones: Booth!

Booth: I’m – I’m not defending, I’m just explaining.

Bones: I can defend–you were defending.

Booth: I was explaining.

Sweets: Whoa, this is an interesting development in your interpersonal behaviors.

Bones: No, what’s more interesting is that Booth’s back hurts and he won’t let me fix it.

Booth: No, none of this, is interesting, okay? Look, I just want to know what kind of mojo disrupted crazy boy’s pattern.

Sweets: My first guess, at his age? Sex.

Booth: Sex.

Sweets: “Crazy boy” is…offensive, by the way.

amazing day today!

big idea came in today. i jumped up and held my hand high for a high five, but there was no one there, so i high-fived a spirit instead.

work hard. play hard. if work is play, it makes life worth living.

one day, i will need that person i can trust most to sit next to me and hold me, while i put my head in my hands and look all this painful truth and realization in the eye, and cry it out once and for all to let it all go. in the meantime, i continue to accept, be philosophical, and not let it keep me from being the person i’m trying to be.

saturn has one of my deepest wounds between its teeth.