2010 May

My short story is about my grandfather, a Pisces, and how he broke the heart of my mother, the Big Sister.
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Machievillain. The dragon of light and dark, perfectly balanced. My tears leave a trail of growth. Like all good thunderstorms when humans break into oceans and the forests spring new life. My gift is what I see. My place is where I am. Don’t try to find me. We’re not in the same time frame.
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Sarah is the one who will tell you who I was as a softball player. Msg to Sarah. The first circle you run around them is bad news. The second is doom.
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Boys. They’re trying to step up because I’m watching.
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The further I get from you, the closer I get to me. Call it even.
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Team BC lost satellite communication and that was the biggest problem. They had asphyxiated themselves. Someone needed to wake the other up.
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When I disappear, an entire world goes with me. It’s always so important I believe. I don’t want anyone to say anything for a while.
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I’m taking off tonight. It’s the 10th. I’ve been waiting for a 9 I could hold on to.
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The reason I don’t really understand stars is because they have a way of breaking my heart. So I focus on the moon because it least it’s constant. But I can always find Orion. He makes me feel safe.
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Why have I chosen Ludovico Einaudi? Because he knows when to shut the fuck up and get it right.
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All you need to do is look at the clouds the last two days to know how I’m feeling right now. I can’t touch the sky. But I know it likes to watch me.
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See you on the other side.
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You might have experienced what you thought was a tiger but it’s nothing when the dragon awoke. It could be the biggest hole in the sky.

I’m in position. I am going to kill this place.
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It comes down to this. I believed he existed. I put my life on faith he existed. And when I meet these boys, they know right away what I am. But I can tell by the state of their lives when I find them they didn’t believe that I existed. They gave up. I want the boy who never lost faith.

It’s that simple.
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What makes you think a man that strong exists?

I don’t. I just assume he has to because I am that strong. And I can’t imagine I could have been born without a home.
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it’s too late to change your mind
you let loss
be your guide.

I finished the Orange Girl. It brought immense beauty into my life when I needed it most and I’m grateful. I wish the narrator was more kind to his mother though.

You wouldn’t believe it. As I walked with him today, bad news hovering over like threatening clouds, there was a dead squirrel on the sidewalk. We had to walk around it.

If there was any omen as ominous as a dead dove…

I’m sorry to tell you that. But perhaps to life’s fairytale, this is but another chapter.

Michelle.
I got my heart broken again.

One of the first things they test you on is if you can execute.

I saw on Aubrey’s page he wrote, Big things happen gradually.

I wrote, Small things happen eventually.

It made me think about how sometimes things are small only because they’re in the distance.

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