One of the things that makes me furious is how someone can think “wanting” to be honest is the same as being honest. If the words didn’t come out of your mouth willingly, if you didn’t make a CHOICE to put your honesty into words and action, then trying to pass off wanting to do the right thing for doing the right thing and expecting credit is just plain cowardly. And to keep hiding behind the excuse that you wanted to to be honest and “planned” for it and therefore I have no right to be angry for having gotten hurt is manipulative. You’re taking advantage of my trust.
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Maybe you weren’t “fucking” her anymore, but you were still dating her. So shut the fuck up.
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It happened just like with David. I suddenly realized I was asking him if he keeps secrets, and he said, everyone keeps secrets. I remember finding it strange my mouth asked that. Then it came up again and he held his fingers a small space apart and said, “Little things.” Either he was severely fooling himself, which makes his decision-making ability questionable, or he was deceiving me, which means he is willing to sacrifice our trust to protect his secrets.

Either way, this is not merely an issue of poor communication. It was a matter of, even last month when I was in town, I should have never been in that position. Neither woman should have ever been in that position. To be mad just because it blew up this weekend is to be mad at the ash that rains down after you set a volcano to explode.

I’m not competing with a man’s issues. It’s rude to even put me in that position. It should have never even come as far as this weekend. He should never have pulled me in.

Rie said what’s most infuriating was that he innocently told me they were going to hang out and took advantage of my good faith by claiming she was just a friend. She would have cut off his balls at that point. It’s complete emotional deception. She said I’m too kind. I am too kind. The kindest thing I can do is walk away. Keep poking me in the back and things get far less kind.


Your body may be gone, I’m gonna carry you in.
In my head, in my heart, in my soul.
And maybe we’ll get lucky and we’ll both live again.
Well I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. Don’t think so.

Well that is that and this is this.
You tell me what you want and I’ll tell you what you get.
You get away from me. You get away from me.
Collected my belongings and I left the jail.
Well thanks for the time, I needed to think a spell.
I had to think awhile. I had to think awhile.

The ocean breathes salty, won’t you carry it in?
In your head, in your mouth, in your soul.
And maybe we’ll get lucky and we’ll both grow old.
Well I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I hope so.

Well that is that and this is this.
You tell me what you want and I’ll tell you what you get.
You get away from me. You get away from me.
Collected my belongings and I left the jail.
Well thanks for the time, I needed to think a spell.
I had to think awhile. I had to think awhile.

Well that is that and this is this.
Will you tell me what you saw and I’ll tell you what you missed,
when the ocean met the sky.
You missed when time and life shook hands and said goodbye.
When the earth folded in on itself.
And said “Good luck, for your sake I hope heaven and hell
are really there, but I wouldn’t hold my breath.”
You wasted life, why wouldn’t you waste death?
You wasted life, why wouldn’t you waste death?

The ocean breathes salty, won’t you carry it in?
In your head, in your mouth, in your soul.
The more we move ahead the more we’re stuck in rewind.
Well I don’t mind. I don’t mind. How the hell could I mind?

Well that is that and this is this.
You tell me what you want and I’ll tell you what you get.
You get away from me. You get away from me.

Well that is that and this is this.
Will you tell me what you saw and I’ll tell you what you missed,
when the ocean met the sky.
You wasted life, why wouldn’t you waste the afterlife?

This is what people who compartmentalize look like on the inside.

Stop drinking and deal.
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I’m so sick of secrets.
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Some people are open-minded, but fixed in their open-mindedness.
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If I were as honest as I was on my blog, I would mention when he threw her kitten on the ground because he wanted to destroy something she loved.

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My short story is about my grandfather, a Pisces, and how he broke the heart of my mother, the Big Sister.
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Machievillain. The dragon of light and dark, perfectly balanced. My tears leave a trail of growth. Like all good thunderstorms when humans break into oceans and the forests spring new life. My gift is what I see. My place is where I am. Don’t try to find me. We’re not in the same time frame.
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Sarah is the one who will tell you who I was as a softball player. Msg to Sarah. The first circle you run around them is bad news. The second is doom.
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Boys. They’re trying to step up because I’m watching.
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The further I get from you, the closer I get to me. Call it even.
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Team BC lost satellite communication and that was the biggest problem. They had asphyxiated themselves. Someone needed to wake the other up.
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When I disappear, an entire world goes with me. It’s always so important I believe. I don’t want anyone to say anything for a while.
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I’m taking off tonight. It’s the 10th. I’ve been waiting for a 9 I could hold on to.
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The reason I don’t really understand stars is because they have a way of breaking my heart. So I focus on the moon because it least it’s constant. But I can always find Orion. He makes me feel safe.
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Why have I chosen Ludovico Einaudi? Because he knows when to shut the fuck up and get it right.
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All you need to do is look at the clouds the last two days to know how I’m feeling right now. I can’t touch the sky. But I know it likes to watch me.
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