Echo

to be honest, when no one was looking, i did 42 push-ups.

today was a reward day! i even got cake.

i got my haircut before i left fremont. the girl called me and told me i could come right by. her daughter was there hanging out, 14 year-old with caramel skin, green eyes and the most amazing energy. basketball shorts and a black tank. the hairdressers are always asking me questions about astrology, so they were talking about relationships in reference to their signs, and she was telling me about her pisces boyfriend. oh no, i said to her. i bet you’re his first love. pisces guys never let go of their first loves. you’ve probably ruined him!

she told me she’d totally ruined him because she had him trained like a puppy, but you could tell behind the bravado, she was really sweet to him, too. i liked her a lot.

when i went to pay, i asked her mom if she could tell her daughter that i said she was beautiful. that she has the most amazing energy. i apologized for being a little shy about complimenting people.

she said her daughter would be really happy to hear i said that.

man, what am i gonna do with myself. it is a little weird that i’m too shy to compliment a 14 year-old girl to her face for having amazing energy. i think somewhere, i got the idea that people bite when you’re nice to them, or maybe, in such a superficial world, i feel like people tend to dismiss deeper levels of sincerity. regardless, let’s work on this.

:D

you have no idea how patient i can be.

last night, amber saw a shooting star from our balcony. she commented that it’s been really unusual because she’s seen 5 shooting stars the last week, when she hasn’t seen any in a long time. i told her maybe the universe was trying to tell her something, to not be afraid to believe in something.

“It’s not a question of better or worse. The point is, not to resist the flow. You go up when you’re supposed to go up and down when you’re supposed to go down. When you’re supposed to go up, find the highest tower and climb to the top. When you’re supposed to go down, find the deepest well and go down to the bottom. When there’s no flow, stay still. If you resist the flow, everything dries up. If everything dries up, the world is darkness. ‘I am he and/He is me:/Spring nightfall.’ Abandon the self, and there you are.”

-Murakami, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles

skipped the gym and basketball today to catch up on sleep.

wanted to go to venice for lunch but realized my car was blocked in by b. rather than run up and get the keys, decided to walk to the bean. got to the bean and realized i didn’t have my wallet. i could have sworn there was a $5 dollar bill somewhere on me, but couldn’t find it so walked back home. decided to get the keys and the wallet. drove to the bean. ordered. realized there really was a $5 bill in my pocket. don’t know why i did things so inefficiently today.

had dinner at animal. fried pigs ears with chili-lime and a quail egg. that was my favorite. tried a chocolate peanut butter dessert with bacon. b loves it. i was indifferent.

spent the night on the balcony talking to amber and jason. they love the energy of our balcony and i told them it’s one of the best energy spots in the city. it’s got an amazing, peaceful view. we got on the subject of our friend robert again.

they told me about the last time they saw him. they were sharing a hotel room with him. they’d left, and when they came back, he was on the bed with his pants down, in caterpillar position, ass in the air, pointed at the door. passed out. they think he got in that position as a joke, but fell asleep when they didn’t get back sooner. knowing robert and his discipline for a joke, he probably had his ass in the air for hours, waiting.

that’s robert. the spirit of texas. the greatest free spirit i’ve ever known. social butterfly. heartbreakingly kind. he came all the way out to hollywood to be a bartender in gay bars, so the dude was definitely open-minded and up for adventure. but then three months later, he gets married in his parents’ living room without telling anyone, is writing emails quoting his pastor, and has shipped off for war.

what the hell happened to robert? i suggested we collect all of our robert stories. the world has never seen a character like him. we make a time-line so we can map out our memories of what a cool guy he was. we make it a bestseller because it’ll be funny as hell, then we use the success of the book to launch an intervention. his spirit must be saved.

in other news, i think i’ve gotten really good at what i do.

was having a conversation with amber and jason, and she was saying how good the vibe of the balcony was, because she was feeling so open that she was saying things she normally wouldn’t say. i smiled to myself. that’s very good feedback. it was a very warm, friendly conversation with depth and good feeling, and she gave me a big hug at the end of the night.

post-script 8/9 – okay, i’m ready to admit there was a moment i almost cried last night, hearing about robert.